What IMPORTANT features does someone look for in a friend?

Post Reply New Topic

Personally, I look for loyalty above all else.

Intelligence, aspie, loyalty, comfortable with me, similar interests.

Honesty is very important. They have to be willing to cut through the social games that people play to get the other person to figure out what they want, because I just don't get it when they do that. I find that I run into difficulties with friends who won't tell me when something is a problem or maybe something I did is bothering them... they expect me to figure it out and will not explain, but for the life of me I can't figure it out unless they just tell me what they are feeling/thinking. All I can tell is that something is wrong (if that... and I usually figure that out too late). The hardest ones to maintain friendships with are the people that just decide to give the silent treatment until I figure out what is upsetting them, which rarely happens I just realize too late that something is wrong, and when I try to get them to explain they won't and they are bothered by me wanting them to explain when "it's obvious" or I should know.

Also there's the fact that I just don't like a lot of people and they don't like me, so we at least have to like each other. Most people seem to be uncomfortable around me just "hanging out". And many people I don't like becuase they aren't honest or it seems they do not care about anything important. They only want to make small talk about shallow things or pop culture and if anything serious comes up, they avoid it. I mean, I like to talk about non serious things too and joke around, but apparently in too much depth.

Also it tends to be a problem if they always like to do things in groups, or go to parties... it makes me really uncomfortable when I am in a group of people where I only know one or two well and the others I don't know and they don't know me or care about me. Usually to get through it I tend to withdraw and concentrate on something in the room unrelated to the group and shut out as much of what is going on with all the other people as I can... so whichever person was my friend and convinced me to go sees me acting like this and it bothers them and everybody else there... they don't see why I don't act like I do when it's just the two of us and I can relax.

I think it's really hard for people to be friends with me, unfortunately, even if I am trying really hard to make it work. They seem to be scared of me or afraid to offend me or something (so I have heard), and I have no idea why. I'm not a scary person. Even the ones that I think might be starting to be friends with me, will have this group of their other "real" friends, and eventually I realize they are trying to avoid me.

I think it would be easier to make friends with people if I found ones that enjoyed quieter kinds of activities like walking or studying something outside or having an actual conversation. At home my family always talks about books they read and things they saw and the ways they notice the animals are behaving and stuff like that... but the people I meet don't talk about things like this and their activities are usually stuff like watching TV, drinking, playing video games. And talking about those things.

People who don't abandon me. People who ignore me or don't include me in a social situation because I won't respond the same way an NT would. People who don't point out my shortcomings or make up shortcomings just to make me look bad in front of others.

Tcorrielus, are you asking what WE look for in friends or what most people look for in friends?