No problem forgetting my name, OhNowIGetIt. I’m not very memorable at best.
I did not intend to imply that you were in any way defective. I apologise if my previous post was taken this way. This is very much how I feel about myself at the moment. I have only known about AS for the past seven months. Before then, I had no idea that there was anything wrong. I now know that the logic and reasoning that I have relied on all of my life has been flawed and based on only partial knowledge.
It is really sad that AS affects personal relationships so badly, particularly when one partner is working so hard to make things work. What I am finding so frustrating is that my life and my reason for being is my wife and family and I am making a total hash of things. I do not understand how I do so badly when I am more than reasonably successful at work. I can even deal well with complex office politics across cultural and geographic boundaries. My work strategy is just to assume that my NT work colleagues will lie, assess their motives (usually to avoid work, payment or responsibility), and document the necessary safeguards to protect my work interests. This is a terrible viewpoint but it works for me, because binding agreements are always made in writing so that lies and connivances would always be exposed. In my case, I am proud of my reputation of being fair, frank, honest and having integrity. I learned from an early age that I am totally incapable of lying. While I am totally blind to non-verbal communication, I suspect that my own body language oozes information to my NT acquaintances that I do not pass on with words. I am therefore my own living lie detector. I will never make it to the top in sales or in politics.
I wish that I find a successful techniques for home. I am not suggesting that my wife should lie to me (I hope she doesn’t). While domestic agreements are a a part of life, they tend not to be written and based on trust and understanding. I am too AS or stupid to know when the unwritten rules should not apply or need to be applied differently. So, I get things wrong consistently and I will never learn.
On an interesting note, my wife has, in the past, complained that I do not lie to her. I am typically AS in being very literal. If my wife asks me how her new dress looks, I tell the truth. I can’t tell if she wants my honest opinion, because she wants to look her best or if she just wants me to make her feel good because she is proud of her new purchase. I have even been admonished for passing honest positive comment, because "I am only saying that and I didn’t mean it". How am I to know that my wife has changed her mind, didn’t like it the dress and was seeking support for her undeclared decision to return it to the shop.
I have just started a thread on the Parents' Discussion forum. I should be very interested to know if OhNowIgetIt has a similar experience, if she has the time to respond.
18 Apr 2011, 4:44 am
