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I'm terrible at connecting with people

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 May 2011, 6:55 pm

leejosepho wrote:
If you have any kind of hobby or interest in something that is not a typical "special interest" where no interactions with other are even necessary, try looking around a bit in those kinds of areas. Volunteer work at a "soup kitchen" or regular visits to a library where you might begin to notice another "regular" there might be good places to begin. "Friends are people who enjoy doing the same things", I have been told, and today I can say I do actually have at least one true friend.


Well f**k... maybe this was a bad time for me to take a break from my bowling league.


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leejosepho
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18 May 2011, 7:02 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
leejosepho wrote:
If you have any kind of hobby or interest in something that is not a typical "special interest" where no interactions with other are even necessary, try looking around a bit in those kinds of areas. Volunteer work at a "soup kitchen" or regular visits to a library where you might begin to notice another "regular" there might be good places to begin. "Friends are people who enjoy doing the same things", I have been told, and today I can say I do actually have at least one true friend.

Well f**k... maybe this was a bad time for me to take a break from my bowling league.

In my own experience, there were too many people and too much commotion there for any true friendship to ever really develop anyway.

Do you have children? If so, maybe there are some possibilities there in some kind of interactive setting related to something being done or provided for children.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 May 2011, 7:06 pm

You mean mommy friends? I have a few of those, but they remain in that category. Most of them just want to talk about stuff related to children, and that's all fine but I am not just a mom.


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18 May 2011, 10:35 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
You mean mommy friends? I have a few of those, but they remain in that category. Most of them just want to talk about stuff related to children, and that's all fine but I am not just a mom.



I understand that sentiment. In real life i am a "mummy". Most people in my life are mummy friends. It doesn't help that i am studying a course that is so focused on pregnancy and childbirth so 90% of the people i talk to have these two topics as the template.

In fact ask any of my "friends" what my in interests were, none would be able to answer. It makes life feel quite shallow at times but i just kind of go Meh. Then when i try to talk about something i am passionate about they stare at me like "WTF is she going on about..?" That doesn't have anything to do with parenthood.

I will be your penfriend if you wish tea. I am quite dull though.:)


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 May 2011, 10:40 pm

Solvejg wrote:
I will be your penfriend if you wish tea. I am quite dull though.:)


I'm quite dull, too, but I accept. :-)


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Solvejg
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18 May 2011, 10:43 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Solvejg wrote:
I will be your penfriend if you wish tea. I am quite dull though.:)


I'm quite dull, too, but I accept. :-)


Solvejgs friends list.

TeaEarlGreyHot




I may have to work on this list a bit more. :P


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 May 2011, 10:46 pm

:lol:


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18 May 2011, 10:51 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
:lol:


send me a pm then. :D I like Pm's they make me feel Special (and not in a special needs way)


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18 May 2011, 10:53 pm

Laz wrote:
Who did you connect with then? Did you not have friends or people you hanged out with? Or was it just a mass of aquaintances and shallow friendships? Or are you infact crazy cat lady from the simpsons who managed to get hitched to a human as well?


Poor laz. He is getting Tea and myself confused again. Everyone knows my name is Eleanor Abernathy. Unless there is one on each continent.


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18 May 2011, 11:01 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I don't have trust issues. I just don't know how to share the deep emotional stuff. I barely manage that with my husband.

i don't know what you mean that you don't know how to share it. do the topics never come up, or you miss that people are talking about emotional stuff, or you don't know how to bring it up yourself, or you don't know how to put the feelings into words? or something else entirely?


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 May 2011, 11:32 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I don't have trust issues. I just don't know how to share the deep emotional stuff. I barely manage that with my husband.

i don't know what you mean that you don't know how to share it. do the topics never come up, or you miss that people are talking about emotional stuff, or you don't know how to bring it up yourself, or you don't know how to put the feelings into words? or something else entirely?


I can talk about it when I feel it's pertinent to a conversation... as long as my feelings aren't at the center of things. Mostly, though, this is online. In person, I just shut down. I know what I'm feeling and even what I want to say... it just doesn't come out.


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18 May 2011, 11:42 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I don't have trust issues. I just don't know how to share the deep emotional stuff. I barely manage that with my husband.

i don't know what you mean that you don't know how to share it. do the topics never come up, or you miss that people are talking about emotional stuff, or you don't know how to bring it up yourself, or you don't know how to put the feelings into words? or something else entirely?


I can talk about it when I feel it's pertinent to a conversation... as long as my feelings aren't at the center of things. Mostly, though, this is online. In person, I just shut down. I know what I'm feeling and even what I want to say... it just doesn't come out.

that makes sense. do you open up to family members at all?


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 May 2011, 11:50 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
that makes sense. do you open up to family members at all?


Not really. Never have.


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19 May 2011, 4:25 am

I understand the 'I'm not just a mom' thing. It's like you hang out with people, and it's only about one thing, and then you can't expand that connection to encompass more 'wholeness'. I quickly get bored of relationships that are made up of superficial connections, but it's so rare to crank a relationship up to a satisfying 'level'.

I don't know if that's normal, and people just have loads of different people to express different facets of themselves with. I'm holistically minded, and I don't separate things like that.

The reason I like WP so much is because it's the only place (it's not a person) that I can be (almost) my whole self with.


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leejosepho
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19 May 2011, 7:54 am

Moog wrote:
I understand the 'I'm not just a mom' thing. It's like you hang out with people, and it's only about one thing, and then you can't expand that connection to encompass more 'wholeness'. I quickly get bored of relationships that are made up of superficial connections, but it's so rare to crank a relationship up to a satisfying 'level'.

We definitely agree there, and I have often experienced that myself while meeting people with whom the deeper relationship actually did later develop.

Moog wrote:
The reason I like WP so much is because it's the only place (it's not a person) that I can be (almost) my whole self with.

Yes, absolutely!


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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19 May 2011, 12:23 pm

Moog wrote:
I understand the 'I'm not just a mom' thing. It's like you hang out with people, and it's only about one thing, and then you can't expand that connection to encompass more 'wholeness'. I quickly get bored of relationships that are made up of superficial connections, but it's so rare to crank a relationship up to a satisfying 'level'.

I don't know if that's normal, and people just have loads of different people to express different facets of themselves with. I'm holistically minded, and I don't separate things like that.

The reason I like WP so much is because it's the only place (it's not a person) that I can be (almost) my whole self with.


I'm not sure if it's normal to have different people you go to for different aspects of your personality or not, but I'm sick of it. It's not that I don't want friends like that... I just want one I can connect with on a deeper level.


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