Would love to hear about happy Aspergians

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I am a regular lurker here on WP and I guess to a point, I do fit the description of what you are looking for: I live on my own, have few friends (I always try to take the same bus as one of my coworkers as long as our shifts permit that... does that count?), have a job I love (despite joking about it being a race to 0 sanity points). I never understood my mother's urges to meet people, I would pretend to, go outside, have nothing to do and be miserable. I got better when I moved away, first to various places near my hometown, now to Ireland. I talk a lot in my job so it is not that I miss talking to humans or feel particularly isolated. I know that I could get to certain events and thus it is my personal decision not to. As previously said. It can and probably will get better!

I get depressed whenever it isn't sunny outside. After moving to California I've managed to stay happy most of the time. . .

-Alex

I'm married with 3 children and really happy with my life. I do get really down sometimes as being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it's also the most rewarding thing thing I've ever done. I've also got a really supportive husband which helps enormously. I only have 2 really close friends who i can completely be myself around but I don't feel that i need any more than this.

I was wondering if there were any AS support groups in your area? He may find it easier to make friends with other AS children who won't expect too much from him. Also you may then get the chance to talk to other parents. My friends son is autistic and even though he doesn't speak much he has started to speak to a few children in a support group his mother took him to, which he doesn't do in school.

With your additional boy scout description, your son (if he is in HS) is actually better off then I was at that time. I too had people to hang with at school, but I have never had any real relationships at all. No outside groups at all. I unfortunately never was aware of my uniqueness (I didn't feel lonely unless I really thought about it at the end of any particular day) and as such never sought people at a higher level at all.

Its great that he has outside of school groups to go to, and in his own mind he has a good understanding that being alone won't give him every he needs 100%. Just a little sugar of conversation, a little together time with people within his interests is always a huge boost for an aspie (IMHO).

Your father-in-law's concern is also a positive, but please be careful in the relationship with your him, your husband and yourself concerning your son. I unfortunately was told by my mother as a school age teenager that my father somewhat found her at fault for my lack of friends. Every aspie is at a certain point in a range, and some of them just do better then others. Your son is better off then at least myself and I live rather contently. I'm not sure I can call myself happy or pleased, but I'm functional and at the edge of independence... except living alone in CA is a horrifically expensive proposition for a ho-hum salary-man like myself.

Many years ago I cut myself because of depressions and cried most of my days because I was lonely.

As a teenager I used to be unhappy and lonely and tried to find friends. Only after many disappointments did I realize that most of these people weren't ever really my friends. Today I work as a scientist (great hours, pays OK, lots of freedom and self-organization, some home office) and I am engaged to a beautiful, intelligent Aspie girl who is a medical doctor - for laboratory medicine because patients would be torture for her.

I have three good friends and my family. That's more than enough, but it took me some time to realize that. I am most happy in the mountains, with my girl or friends or alone, because there are no other people.

Me and my girlfriend can share the apartment, everyone in his own room, for hours without any interaction. But if we interact, it is very intensive and positive, we never had a single fight in the three years we are together. And we travel a lot.

Today a smile came to my face on the way to work, because the view of the mountains was so nice. And another smile magically appeared when I left work again, because I reminded myself how good my life is.

Try to be careful with the religions, people who claim they know what is best for you and want to tell you about god are usually just after your money. Try to find activities for your son that do not include any religion or politics. Those people will try to exploit his weaknesses, try to tell him that he will find "relieve in god" or whatever and in the end make him poor in addition to unhappy.

I'm on the spectrum and I'm a very happy person. I've been very happy for the past two years especially. I'm working and I'm living on my own. I choose to be happy no matter how many problems I have. I'm happy to be alive and I see life as a beautiful thing. I see a lot of good in people and I enjoy being around them because theu make me happy. I also have a volunteer job that I enjoy going to. Life is what you make it, and I plan to make my life a happy and enjoyable one.

I am happy, but not content.

That means, I live each day the best I can, and sometimes I get depressed, but I always bounce right back because I know I have a plan to my life and a reason to be here.

I don't have many friends, but I hope to make some in college.

Most people think I'm just not a happy person. They are wrong. It's just hard for me to be happy around people.

Around animals?

Bingo. If you're going to get depressed, don't let WP be the cause.
The people who post all day on here (me among them- I don't mean to insult) aren't necessarily the happiest of Aspies.

My mother stereotypes me in the same way you stereotype your father in law- as uncaring, largely due to her (not in so many words) seeming-adherence to the bullshittery that is Theory of Mind insofar as I am concerned.

I do know, for instance, that she gets really upset sometimes because she misses her father (my grandfather, obviously).
But I don't know how to respond. If I try to, she says it's fake- which it is.
I don't logically understand how she can be anything but thankful he, a terminally-ill, emaciated man, is no longer suffering;
there was no tragic, traumatic accident.

In that same way, she didn't understand my near-hysterics as a child at two boys on the playground gleefully stomping on snails-
a gratuitously, sadistically cruel act perpetrated with an expression of glee,
or how very hard it is for me to remember things and not lose things.

The difference is that whereas she is the "normal" one, and I am not, *I* am the problem.

There is a Theory of Mind issue at work-
but it describes the *relationships* between Autistics and NT's,
*not* some incompetence applied by the numerically-majoritive NT to the Autistic, whom he, himself, also cannot understand or empathize with.

I'm doing much better now in my life than I have for the past few years.
I have no job, and am completely dependent on my parents (I'm 23).
I have no friends, save for a beau I met online who I see every other week. Not sure if it's gonna work out.
But I am in school (one class, meeting 2x a week for 2.5 hours) and am doing extremely-well.
I'm doing much better as far as keeping my house clean, and am trying not to be anxious about my health problems (I have a lot of them due to years of disordered eating).
I've recently taken up cooking as a way of encouraging myself to eat things I like.

I know that's not very positive, but when functionality and doing well are judged as relative to the individual, I'm doing fantastically.

I'm a 37 year old happy aspie. I've learned after many years of being unhappy that we make our own happiness, and now if something's making me unhappy I try to do something to change the situation if I can, or not worry about it if it's something I have no control over.

I've also discovered that there is beauty and wonder all around us. I just have to adjust my perspective in order to see it. For example, we all like warm sunny summer days, but if properly dressed, a blustery snowstorm or torrential downpour can be an exhilirating experience. I got stung by a bee a couple years ago, and instead of freaking out I tried to carefully remove the stinger so that I could use my macrolens to get some really cool close-up pictures of it....it was totally worth the experience!

I'm sorry your son seems to be going through a rough patch.

Anyway, I'm fifteen, have Asperger's, and on average, I'm happy. My special interests and obsessions pretty much make my life - before it was psychopharmacology, now it's domestic animals.

I have a few friends but not many, the friends I do have tend to be quite vulnerable and shy, 'maternal' types or geeks. But it's mainly the contact with animals that makes me happy, I'd say my rats are among my best friends. It's unconventional, but animals never pretend to be something they're not and whilst you care for them they're loyal and affectionate. I was in a bit of a dilemma - I wanted a lot of friends and a lot of social contact, but I never fit in or connected to other people in social situations as I could, so that made me feel like an outcast for a bit, but I learnt coping mechanisms for this, which results in me feeling content, like I belong, connected to others and wanted. It's unconventional but...
Wrong Planet, video games, TV shows and books where I can really relate to the characters, my pets and, of course, the friends I do actually have make me feel like I live a 'normal' life.
I have trouble expressing my emotions or even figuring out what they are, and kept a lot of things pent up. Before I learnt how to cope, this resulted in me getting pretty depressive, an eating disorder and self-injuring. Now I have a healthy outlet with martial arts, running and writing, all of which I've discovered I'm actually really good at.

I don't feel like I'm missing anything that a normal teenager does. Sure, I don't lead the sort of life the average teenager does, but honestly, it would make me feel so constricted and unhappy if I did. I figured life's too short not to do what you want and makes you comfortable even if it goes against the norm. As I said, the coping mechanisms I found make me very happy, and my obsessions are my life and love, what I live for and I think I'm some use, I really dedicate myself to what I do, and for me that's the meaning of my life, what makes me what I am and what makes me happy. I get good grades, I got into a very highly-rated school to study Chemistry, Biology, English Literature and Economics, so whilst from time to time I get depressive (like everyone does!!), all in all I'm doing well and I think I'm set up to have a lot of opportunities in my future.

Also - one thing that helps the most? To realise I'm my own person, not the labels (like Autism) I hold.

Hope this helps!! !

First of all it seems you might need a break from your family once in a while to re-charge. You do deserve it and need it in order to deal with all this.
O.k. second: there are happy people with autism and Aspergers. I'm happy sometimes and would not want to be someone else. I do not have friends but I don't like "normal friendship behavior and obligations" so it is fine. Loving your son is what counts and just tell him that you love him and show him in whatever ways you do. In my very humble opinion - don't push anybody into social situations. That always made me get much, much worse when my parents did that to me. He will have to decide to push himself or not.
Best of luck and take care.

Are any of you happy? Do you have friends? Are you comfortable in your lives? I just desperately want to hear if there are happy people with Asperger's. I really love this kid, and I love him as he is, and yet I worry for him because I know that he's wishing he had friends, but has no clue as to how to socialize. Should I push him into social situations? Everything that I've read on this site from people with asperger's says no, I shouldn't push my son into social situations. But if I don't, how will he ever learn?

Hello there loving mother. :0)

Your son is very lucky to have a mother who loves and cares for him as you do.

I am a very happy, content 36 year old Aspergian female. I wasn't diagnosed until last November...however...that doesn't mean I didn't struggle through life (especially in school). School is tough for us...but guess what...it's not forever. Please remind your kid that a couple of years and 'poof' no more pre-college school. Things change big time in college...suddenly there are people who are there to study, that have specific interests, the popularity contest usually ends, or at least there is plenty of space and opportunity to avoid it, where as in high school, you can't help but be surrounded by it.

If I had known in high school that I could have simultaneously enrolled in community college classes, I so would have done it! Aspies (at least the ones I know) love to learn - and what better way to socialize than with others who are on the same page. Study groups, class discussions - good stuff for us aspies.

Once I was out of school (no longer having people feeling sorry for me and wanting me to do what would be best for them) I became successful (happy). Sure, I've never been surrounded by a huge group of friends, just a few really good ones, but that's how I like it. I went on to work in the feature film business (behind the scenes) and even grew enough balls to do stand up comedy for almost 10 years - one of my special interests from when I was 4 watching Steve Martin. It was when I was allowed to do what I chose to do (not what others thought best for me) that I blossomed and became "me". Depression creeps in every so often, sure, but ultimately I am grateful for those times and for the happy times. I have learned to love what "is", right now.

Having your husband's father living with you all I'm sure is not easy, and reeeeallly not easy for your boy. Having one more human to deal with would have put me over the edge. However, the key is, it's not forever. Love your son for who he is. All you can do is love him - you have no control on whether or not he socializes when he goes on these trips so no need to push him. Just love him by being there for him. He'll figure it out. He'll carve his own meaningful, powerful path, if you let him.

I'm sure a lot of us aspies wish we had a mother like you who cares so much. Keep on keepin' on mama!

I'm not happy...

I am happy. I don't have any IRL friends, however, I have online friends. I don't require very much socialization, and prefer little socialization. Then again... you could always ask if he is happy.