Letting people know you're not okay.

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I had that tune in my head as I read your sig but I still had no idea what the song was.

If you'd like someone to chat to about it you can pm me. Talking helps with any seperation.

Sometimes with a seperation, many friends scatter to the four winds. At least that's what happened to my Mum. Most of her friends were married and (apart from her best friend and relatives) mostly they ignored her. It was almost as if they thought seperation was contagious or that, suddenly single she'd grab every husband she saw.

I hope you feel better soon.

I'm pretty sure it's me. Last year another couple in the group separated and got a divorce, and this didn't happen.

People are so fickle.
It's a shame when people don't support you when you need them the most.

I don't know why these things happen with "friends". After I broke up with my ex (we lived together for 3 years) no one ever asked me anything about it. Not my friends, not my relatives, not even some family members. Even when I said that we broke up they were more like "Oh? OK. Lets move to the next topic".
Maybe our private nature and social awkwardness creates a situation where even people close to us don't know how to react or what to say to us. I mean I never ask for help or support IRL. I even avoid it sometimes. So I was thinking that maybe we need to express it explicitly that we need help or support. I don't really know though. I'm pretty lost here

Perhaps being a drama queen is the only way I'll get the support I'm looking for.

what about family?

My brother has already agreed to share a place with me with his wife and daughter, but they aren't the best people to get emotional support from.

My family is a bit... dysfunctional. In a major way.

I don't know.

I let my boyfriend know by saying *'Can I die yet?' - I think he understands this means I'm not okay.
* I don't want to die, it's just a case of not knowing how else to put how I feel into words.

The only way I can think of is to make a comment on Facebook - the only way I have to contact what few friends I have, but as they're drifting away I doubt they'd care as much as friends should - making such an update is seen as pathetic, whining, attention seeking and/or 'woe is me' so I know this is not how you'd go about letting people know you're not okay. I used to write in my online journal hoping they'd read, but no one uses it any more so that's of no help, although at least it gives me an outlet and sometimes making community blog/journal posts can be helpful to get a little support when your friends aren't helping.

A little time with friends would make a HUGE difference...
I don't know how to let them know that, if they want to know, if it'd be the final nail in the coffin of our friendship if they view my current situation as one of my own making or get fed-up with hearing about the same problems. I'd like to think that it's not too much to want someone to acknowledge I may need someone to talk to or spend time with once in a while - and that's it, a little time with friends, not even letting them know you're not okay can make you feel better, it may end-up with them figuring out you're not okay or you telling them, but even if not having some time away from your problems and a little fun can be helpful.

I don't think people want to hear when you're not okay, they'll maybe say 'there, there' and if you don't pick yourself up straight away they give up - so I not only don't know how to let people know I'm not okay, but how to do it without people wanting to walk away. I think the only time people will attempt to help is when they realise you're not okay.

Last edited by Bloodheart on 19 Jun 2011, 6:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Having a place to stay is a good start.
I hope you find the support you need, Tea.

*awkward aspie hug*

Perhaps you're better looking. my Mum looked great when she and my father split and I'd say that was why lots of her married 'friends' dropped her. Also, with this other couple who broke up, did they generally speak about the relationship or did most of your group know what was going on with then at all? And was their break up peacable or angry?

What kind of break up are you going through? It's ok if you don't want to say but if you're comfortable saying about it, it may help to say about it. Even a peacable break up can be very painful.

Ignore following if uncomfortable with hugs from people you don't know well: (((Hug))) (((Hug))) (((Hug)))

Yeah... I don't think I should worry if I'm better looking.

The "stiff upper lip" thing can be a real b***h. I'm not British, but my exposure to behavior in East Asian cultures often feels similar: you don't rock the boat, you don't stand out, you don't be the squeaky nail. No matter what.

Funny aside which I've related here on WP before: An Australian fellow once, politely, informed me that "when someone asks you how you're doing, you just answer 'I'm fine' even if you're not. Because if you're not, chances are the person who asked doesn't really want to know."