Aspies being annoyed by other aspies
03 Oct 2011, 7:27 am
MetalAspie wrote:
I live in a dorm building with another kid with aspergers. (not my roommate, thank god)
Now, I'm pretty normal for the most part, I've pretty much grown out of my social awkwardness and everyone thinks I'm normal. It seems that my only real problems I have are with paying attention in class and keeping organized. Sometimes I might play with my hair or touch things, but not to the extent to make others feel uncomfortable.
This kid, however, has a tendency to make weird, annoying noises because he thinks it's funny, invades peoples personal space, hugs girls when they dont want to be hugged and other things that can easily be considered sexual harassment...This kid pretty much has no social skills.
I feel insensitive saying this but this kid REALLY gets on my nerves. I even told him to shut the f**k up once when he kept making weird noises. I feel like it's because I used to do most of the things he does but I grew out of it when i was like...14. and I'm 23 now. And it's hard seeing another aspie repeat the same mistakes I made, and creep people out in the same way I used to creep people out. Part of me feels like I should be his friend but then another part of me feels like he'll just get on my nerves. Plus I wouldn't want him following me around everywhere I go cuz he thinks we're best friends, especially since all my neurotypical friends are all wicked creeped out by him. So yeah. I dont know what to do.
Now, I'm pretty normal for the most part, I've pretty much grown out of my social awkwardness and everyone thinks I'm normal. It seems that my only real problems I have are with paying attention in class and keeping organized. Sometimes I might play with my hair or touch things, but not to the extent to make others feel uncomfortable.
This kid, however, has a tendency to make weird, annoying noises because he thinks it's funny, invades peoples personal space, hugs girls when they dont want to be hugged and other things that can easily be considered sexual harassment...This kid pretty much has no social skills.
I feel insensitive saying this but this kid REALLY gets on my nerves. I even told him to shut the f**k up once when he kept making weird noises. I feel like it's because I used to do most of the things he does but I grew out of it when i was like...14. and I'm 23 now. And it's hard seeing another aspie repeat the same mistakes I made, and creep people out in the same way I used to creep people out. Part of me feels like I should be his friend but then another part of me feels like he'll just get on my nerves. Plus I wouldn't want him following me around everywhere I go cuz he thinks we're best friends, especially since all my neurotypical friends are all wicked creeped out by him. So yeah. I dont know what to do.
Firstly, never feel entitled to be someone's friend. He seems very low functioning, and it would be nice if people were nice to him, but it's not expected of you just because you have the same diagnosis.
Has anyone told him not to make the noises? Or just told him to shut up? Are these in the middle of class?
It's not uncommon for aspies to not like other aspies. I love many aspies, but I also can't stand many. People here can't stand me. It's stupid the way people expect us to socially group together because we are "aspies"... I mean.. people don't do it because they are "NT's".
Is there a person like a councillor to tip off about him? Just so someone can look out for him?
03 Oct 2011, 3:37 pm
MR20 wrote:
You people are jerks. No one can as "cool" and "in" as you people. I've been shunned my whole life by people, just because I'm weird and don't look or act a certain way. A lot of people found me annoying and irritating to the point that they would do or say mean things to me just to get me to go away. All I've done was try to be nice.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
I can already tell that I don't like you. You give aspies a bad name. You're aware enough of your behaviour to know that you can fix yourself. All you need is a little self-confidence, pride, and maybe a therapist, but instead you just complain on internet forums about how sad your life is. Buck up.
And of coarse people are embarassed by you. I used to embarass people too. But when I became aware of what I was doing, I stopped doing things that embarass them. Does that really sound that hard?
Are you trying to say that its totally okay to invade peoples personally space and act obnoxious in public? Or make other people uncomfortable? The answer is no. Its socially unacceptable.
04 Oct 2011, 10:11 am
Some of my closest friends have had Asperger's Syndrome, but there a many things said by those afflicted that make me groan; mostly the widespread bitterness and holier-than-thou syndrome. It's obvious the phrase 'N/T' has become a derogative in many cases, which seems a lot like digging yourself further into a hole to me!
04 Oct 2011, 11:30 am
ruckus wrote:
...mostly the widespread bitterness and holier-than-thou syndrome...
Ouch. That's my old work colleague to a tee.
I find it deeply irritating when they use their condition as an excuse. Oh, I can't do blah blah blah because I have Aspergers... um, yes you can. You may not enjoy it, but nor does anyone else. And as a long-term aspie myself I know damn well that (a) I can do it and (b) I have to do it. And probably more of it because you won't do your share.
Fortunately chocolate dispels the stabby feelings of rage, that somehow I *can* resist expressing despite being an aspie. Fancy that.
04 Oct 2011, 4:01 pm
MetalAspie wrote:
MR20 wrote:
You people are jerks. No one can as "cool" and "in" as you people. I've been shunned my whole life by people, just because I'm weird and don't look or act a certain way. A lot of people found me annoying and irritating to the point that they would do or say mean things to me just to get me to go away. All I've done was try to be nice.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
I can already tell that I don't like you. You give aspies a bad name. You're aware enough of your behaviour to know that you can fix yourself. All you need is a little self-confidence, pride, and maybe a therapist, but instead you just complain on internet forums about how sad your life is. Buck up.
And of coarse people are embarassed by you. I used to embarass people too. But when I became aware of what I was doing, I stopped doing things that embarass them. Does that really sound that hard?
Are you trying to say that its totally okay to invade peoples personally space and act obnoxious in public? Or make other people uncomfortable? The answer is no. Its socially unacceptable.
You're mean to me like everybody on this site. What can I do to fix myself huh? Can I change being poor, ugly, slow, ret*d, and pathetic. I can barely take care of myself as I've been living of food stamps and SSI for the majority of my life.
I don't need to "buck up", and I don't need pride because I don't want to feel superior to anyone.
I have no friends and I've never been on a date. My life IS pathetic and sad, so I going to complain regardless of what you and anyone else says.
I don't care what's "socially unacceptable" I'm nice and friendly to people, and they should be the same to me, that's what the bible and my grandma always taught me. I shouldn't be made fun of, humiliated and shunned because I'm different.
I bet you're a huge jerk. You would make fun of my sister because she looks, walks, and talks a certain way. I'd bet you'd make fun of the hand me down clothes she wears. Never mind the fact the she has paranoid schizophrenia.
One more thing, just because you can have friends, go out with a lot of women, and have relatively good social life doesn't mean everyone else on the spectrum can. Everyone is born on different functioning levels, so you can't just apply everything from yourself to everyone else.
04 Oct 2011, 4:03 pm
Thom_Fuleri wrote:
ruckus wrote:
...mostly the widespread bitterness and holier-than-thou syndrome...
Ouch. That's my old work colleague to a tee.
I find it deeply irritating when they use their condition as an excuse. Oh, I can't do blah blah blah because I have Aspergers... um, yes you can. You may not enjoy it, but nor does anyone else. And as a long-term aspie myself I know damn well that (a) I can do it and (b) I have to do it. And probably more of it because you won't do your share.
Once again, there are different functioning levels. Stop comparing yourself to other aspies.
04 Oct 2011, 5:32 pm
MR20, Thom_Fuleri and MetalAspie, you all provide good points.
MR20, I am in a way in the same situation as you, I still sometimes blame my disability for certain things that I cannot do but when I look back when I was younger and where I am now, I have improved a lot without me realising but still I need more work on my social skills and to be honest with you MR20, I am a little stuck on how to improve so hopefully Metal or Thom could give me some advice on that.
At the moment MR20, you have closed and narrowed your mind on the world, I know how you feel because I was in a major depression for three years and even now I may get a little sad once in a while but I am overall much better then I was in those years, even though the people I grew up with still view me as a weird guy, I don't give two s**ts to be honest because I am in a better position for myself then they are.
The one advice I would give to you is "There is always someone out there worse off then you" and it's a true fact, all you need to do is open your eyes and look at their situation and think how much better your life is compared to that guy's, I know this sounds insensitive but its a major confidence boost if you remember it and in a way, makes you happy.
MR20, I was chased down by my whole class to try to beat me up, I was mentally bullied to death, I had fights 24/7 (I always won them because I'm strong as a horse) and always walked alone, so don't you think for one second I don't know how it feels and I can 100% be sure that there is someone on this very forum who has had a way worse time then me, that's why I never mention my past nor get sad by it because of that very reason.
05 Oct 2011, 11:33 am
DeanAdamFry wrote:
MR20, I am in a way in the same situation as you, I still sometimes blame my disability for certain things that I cannot do but when I look back when I was younger and where I am now, I have improved a lot without me realising but still I need more work on my social skills and to be honest with you MR20, I am a little stuck on how to improve so hopefully Metal or Thom could give me some advice on that.
You're always welcome to PM me with any specific questions, Dean. What's worked for me may not work for you and vice versa, but we can always compare notes. The biggest thing going for me is that I'm in my thirties now - I've had time to figure stuff out. I was socially hopeless as a teenager and had early teenage social skills in my early twenties. It gets easier!
MR20, there's a ton of stuff you can't change. There's also a ton of stuff you can change, with a bit of effort. A little at a time, every day, you can change those aspects of your life you don't like. In theory you can change any aspect given enough time and effort, but obviously some things are going to be impractical. I could get fit enough to run a marathon in theory, but it would take a lot of time and effort for something I don't particularly want. Mostly though, you need to change your attitude. I don't think you're slow or ret*d, for instance. You type far too neatly and you can use words like "unacceptable", "superior" and even "schizophrenia", which a lot of "normal" people can't get the hang of.
05 Oct 2011, 4:56 pm
Thom_Fuleri wrote:
DeanAdamFry wrote:
MR20, I am in a way in the same situation as you, I still sometimes blame my disability for certain things that I cannot do but when I look back when I was younger and where I am now, I have improved a lot without me realising but still I need more work on my social skills and to be honest with you MR20, I am a little stuck on how to improve so hopefully Metal or Thom could give me some advice on that.
You're always welcome to PM me with any specific questions, Dean. What's worked for me may not work for you and vice versa, but we can always compare notes. The biggest thing going for me is that I'm in my thirties now - I've had time to figure stuff out. I was socially hopeless as a teenager and had early teenage social skills in my early twenties. It gets easier!
MR20, there's a ton of stuff you can't change. There's also a ton of stuff you can change, with a bit of effort. A little at a time, every day, you can change those aspects of your life you don't like. In theory you can change any aspect given enough time and effort, but obviously some things are going to be impractical. I could get fit enough to run a marathon in theory, but it would take a lot of time and effort for something I don't particularly want. Mostly though, you need to change your attitude. I don't think you're slow or ret*d, for instance. You type far too neatly and you can use words like "unacceptable", "superior" and even "schizophrenia", which a lot of "normal" people can't get the hang of.
I hear this patronizing all the time. "you're smarter than you look" or "you're not as dumb as I thought you were" Of course that doesn't mean I'm actually smart and not slow. And it doesn't stop people from treating me like s**t.
05 Oct 2011, 6:23 pm
MR20 wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
MR20 wrote:
You people are jerks. No one can as "cool" and "in" as you people. I've been shunned my whole life by people, just because I'm weird and don't look or act a certain way. A lot of people found me annoying and irritating to the point that they would do or say mean things to me just to get me to go away. All I've done was try to be nice.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
I can already tell that I don't like you. You give aspies a bad name. You're aware enough of your behaviour to know that you can fix yourself. All you need is a little self-confidence, pride, and maybe a therapist, but instead you just complain on internet forums about how sad your life is. Buck up.
And of coarse people are embarassed by you. I used to embarass people too. But when I became aware of what I was doing, I stopped doing things that embarass them. Does that really sound that hard?
Are you trying to say that its totally okay to invade peoples personally space and act obnoxious in public? Or make other people uncomfortable? The answer is no. Its socially unacceptable.
You're mean to me like everybody on this site. What can I do to fix myself huh? Can I change being poor, ugly, slow, ret*d, and pathetic. I can barely take care of myself as I've been living of food stamps and SSI for the majority of my life.
I don't need to "buck up", and I don't need pride because I don't want to feel superior to anyone.
I have no friends and I've never been on a date. My life IS pathetic and sad, so I going to complain regardless of what you and anyone else says.
I don't care what's "socially unacceptable" I'm nice and friendly to people, and they should be the same to me, that's what the bible and my grandma always taught me. I shouldn't be made fun of, humiliated and shunned because I'm different.
I bet you're a huge jerk. You would make fun of my sister because she looks, walks, and talks a certain way. I'd bet you'd make fun of the hand me down clothes she wears. Never mind the fact the she has paranoid schizophrenia.
One more thing, just because you can have friends, go out with a lot of women, and have relatively good social life doesn't mean everyone else on the spectrum can. Everyone is born on different functioning levels, so you can't just apply everything from yourself to everyone else.
He's not saying everyone can he's just talking about his own experiences. You can't go around making assumptions about people based on what they say on the internet. If I were do that by just reading your post I'd think you were a fat pathetic basement dweller who wallows in his own self pity. But I'm not gonna make that assumption about you from one post. What you may think is "nice" or "friendly" may be interrupted as creepy, or odd. Best advice for you is to go out and improve your life. Work on your problems not to whine about them over an internet forum. That is one of the things that gives us a bad name. Instead of solving our issue's we'd rather b***h about them and expect everyone to feel sorry just because of AS.
05 Oct 2011, 9:58 pm
Embroglio wrote:
MR20 wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
MR20 wrote:
You people are jerks. No one can as "cool" and "in" as you people. I've been shunned my whole life by people, just because I'm weird and don't look or act a certain way. A lot of people found me annoying and irritating to the point that they would do or say mean things to me just to get me to go away. All I've done was try to be nice.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
I can already tell that I don't like you. You give aspies a bad name. You're aware enough of your behaviour to know that you can fix yourself. All you need is a little self-confidence, pride, and maybe a therapist, but instead you just complain on internet forums about how sad your life is. Buck up.
And of coarse people are embarassed by you. I used to embarass people too. But when I became aware of what I was doing, I stopped doing things that embarass them. Does that really sound that hard?
Are you trying to say that its totally okay to invade peoples personally space and act obnoxious in public? Or make other people uncomfortable? The answer is no. Its socially unacceptable.
You're mean to me like everybody on this site. What can I do to fix myself huh? Can I change being poor, ugly, slow, ret*d, and pathetic. I can barely take care of myself as I've been living of food stamps and SSI for the majority of my life.
I don't need to "buck up", and I don't need pride because I don't want to feel superior to anyone.
I have no friends and I've never been on a date. My life IS pathetic and sad, so I going to complain regardless of what you and anyone else says.
I don't care what's "socially unacceptable" I'm nice and friendly to people, and they should be the same to me, that's what the bible and my grandma always taught me. I shouldn't be made fun of, humiliated and shunned because I'm different.
I bet you're a huge jerk. You would make fun of my sister because she looks, walks, and talks a certain way. I'd bet you'd make fun of the hand me down clothes she wears. Never mind the fact the she has paranoid schizophrenia.
One more thing, just because you can have friends, go out with a lot of women, and have relatively good social life doesn't mean everyone else on the spectrum can. Everyone is born on different functioning levels, so you can't just apply everything from yourself to everyone else.
He's not saying everyone can he's just talking about his own experiences.
I am too
You can't go around making assumptions about people based on what they say on the internet.
didn't he just do the same thing to me?
If I were do that by just reading your post I'd think you were a fat pathetic basement dweller who wallows in his own self pity.
I'm not fat, but I AM ugly, slow and stupid, poor, annoying and irritating, and uneducated. I lack charisma or any kind of talents/skills that would attract women. I'm 25, jobless, carless, friendless, and I've never been on a date. I'm a hermit that hasn't left my house in the past few years. I live off SSI, foodstamps, and I can barely take care of myself. I do nothing but watch anime, porn, and play video games all day. So you'd be right about me being a pathetic, basement dwelling bum that has nothing going for himself.
But I'm not gonna make that assumption about you from one post. What you may think is "nice" or "friendly" may be interrupted as creepy, or odd. Best advice for you is to go out and improve your life. Work on your problems not to whine about them over an internet forum. That is one of the things that gives us a bad name. Instead of solving our issue's we'd rather b***h about them and expect everyone to feel sorry just because of AS.
I don't "whine" I vent, and I have other problems other than AS. Heck I think if I just had AS I'd be ok.
bold
05 Oct 2011, 10:17 pm
MR20 wrote:
Embroglio wrote:
MR20 wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
MR20 wrote:
You people are jerks. No one can as "cool" and "in" as you people. I've been shunned my whole life by people, just because I'm weird and don't look or act a certain way. A lot of people found me annoying and irritating to the point that they would do or say mean things to me just to get me to go away. All I've done was try to be nice.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
And of course no one wanted to go out with me in public, because it would damage their "rep" or whatever. Douches.
These people have enough problems as it is w/o being cussed out, laughed at, or being cold-shouldered because they don't act a certain way.
I can already tell that I don't like you. You give aspies a bad name. You're aware enough of your behaviour to know that you can fix yourself. All you need is a little self-confidence, pride, and maybe a therapist, but instead you just complain on internet forums about how sad your life is. Buck up.
And of coarse people are embarassed by you. I used to embarass people too. But when I became aware of what I was doing, I stopped doing things that embarass them. Does that really sound that hard?
Are you trying to say that its totally okay to invade peoples personally space and act obnoxious in public? Or make other people uncomfortable? The answer is no. Its socially unacceptable.
You're mean to me like everybody on this site. What can I do to fix myself huh? Can I change being poor, ugly, slow, ret*d, and pathetic. I can barely take care of myself as I've been living of food stamps and SSI for the majority of my life.
I don't need to "buck up", and I don't need pride because I don't want to feel superior to anyone.
I have no friends and I've never been on a date. My life IS pathetic and sad, so I going to complain regardless of what you and anyone else says.
I don't care what's "socially unacceptable" I'm nice and friendly to people, and they should be the same to me, that's what the bible and my grandma always taught me. I shouldn't be made fun of, humiliated and shunned because I'm different.
I bet you're a huge jerk. You would make fun of my sister because she looks, walks, and talks a certain way. I'd bet you'd make fun of the hand me down clothes she wears. Never mind the fact the she has paranoid schizophrenia.
One more thing, just because you can have friends, go out with a lot of women, and have relatively good social life doesn't mean everyone else on the spectrum can. Everyone is born on different functioning levels, so you can't just apply everything from yourself to everyone else.
He's not saying everyone can he's just talking about his own experiences.
I am too
You can't go around making assumptions about people based on what they say on the internet.
didn't he just do the same thing to me?
If I were do that by just reading your post I'd think you were a fat pathetic basement dweller who wallows in his own self pity.
I'm not fat, but I AM ugly, slow and stupid, poor, annoying and irritating, and uneducated. I lack charisma or any kind of talents/skills that would attract women. I'm 25, jobless, carless, friendless, and I've never been on a date. I'm a hermit that hasn't left my house in the past few years. I live off SSI, foodstamps, and I can barely take care of myself. I do nothing but watch anime, porn, and play video games all day. So you'd be right about me being a pathetic, basement dwelling bum that has nothing going for himself.
But I'm not gonna make that assumption about you from one post. What you may think is "nice" or "friendly" may be interrupted as creepy, or odd. Best advice for you is to go out and improve your life. Work on your problems not to whine about them over an internet forum. That is one of the things that gives us a bad name. Instead of solving our issue's we'd rather b***h about them and expect everyone to feel sorry just because of AS.
I don't "whine" I vent, and I have other problems other than AS. Heck I think if I just had AS I'd be ok.
bold
Ok why don't you work on those problems instead of sitting and playing video games all day? Maybe there's a trade you could learn, or a job you can do. Most jobs aren't rocket science. Stocking shelves at a grocery store is a job that requires little social interaction or brainpower.
06 Oct 2011, 12:11 am
OP I've met people like the one you described and I tend to avoid them like I felt sorry for them for awhile, but refusing to change their behavior and being a constant disruption to everyone around them was enough for me. One girl in particular she wasn't an aspie but was constantly drinking and after one too many verbal altercations with girls on our dorm floor I cut her lose. Shortly after cutting her lose she was arrested and expelled from our university for getting drunk and vandalizing her roommate's property (she wanted to for awhile and being drunk finally gave her the edge to do it). Just because you guys may have the same condition means in no way you are obligated for friendship so I wouldn't feel bad about not buddying up with him.
