Trouble talking

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I'm not really offended when it's people I don't know because I would prefer not to participate anyway. I also realize some times it's hard to hear me because my voice is low and I am lacking a little in intonation and inflection. It's when it's members of my household -who are used to my voice being this way- that do it that I get a bit confused.

Yeah, I think that's definitely an Aspergers thing. Sure hits me right dead on the bullseye. Pretty much you can't understand just talking for the heck of it, but instead need to talk about something? I enjoy listening to NTs talk, but tend to be silent for long periods in the conversation myself until I figure something to talk about to contribute.



Again yeah, though I do know why. Same reason martial arts masters can tell when their opponent is going to move: NTs telegraph their socilizing. So when you say something you have to make sure to do all the extra stuff. Force eye contact, raise a hand, tilt your head, lean forward as if interested, shift your shoulders a certain way. I guarantee if you have eye contact with someone for a whole second in silence, they will most certainly not ignore whatever it is you say. But even a glance is enough apparantly, and not as disturbing as impromptu second-long staring contests.

I happen to enjoy conversing with my good friends and family. Wether it's online,on the phone,via e-mail,or in person I enjoy having a conversation. I get this emptiness feeling when I don't have someone to talk to. Like now since I don't see my good friend till Tuesday I feel so ready to hold another conversation with him. Maybe I talk a bit too much and I am controlling that.

This sounds *exactly* like me. I often wonder if it's only me that believes that all NTs seem to like to talk about is their jobs, sports, soap operas, and other people's private lives. I enjoy deeper topics and find so much of typical NT conversations to be excruciatingly boring!

How many times have I been in such situations! Nowadays, though, if I want to get into an ongoing conversation, I do so usually by asking a question to a person who just stopped talking. The question must be such that it will allow the person to elaborate on the subject. For example, if somebody talks about their home wireless network, I will inquire which router they have, instead of enunciating that Linksys routers are the best (just an example, no flame wars please!). It is my experience that people tend not to ignore questions, especially if they allow them to show their knowledge. Once my question is answered, I am inside the conversation and it gets easier to participate. Does anyone have a similar experience?

That having said, my conversation skills are not really that great and often I just politely listen, and avoid getting into an ongoing discussion.

anyone here know any other Asperger's people? I wonder what a conversation between two Aspies would be like. I think that Aspies' interests generally share the attribute that they involve complex systems of some sort, so even if their actual interests were different, they would still be on the same level.

Yeah, I can agree with everything here.

For example, the other day people in my work place were having some discussion about...I think it was that political cartoon, the jib jab "this land is my land" parody. someone was wondering who did it or what it was or some details or something. so i said what/where it was and added some other facts about it, and it was just like... dead silence, weird looks, i would have preferred to die on the spot, whatever. i just seem to communicate in facts and such whereas there is a relational way of communicating that most other people have that we don't.

i prob shouldn't talk about this now,it's making me upset!

i hate in my work i must sit there and listen to people's conversations and that just drives me crazy and i can't join in even if i wanted to for above stated reasons arghh and i can't concentrate on my work when anyone is talking even w/ headphones.

but only 2 more weeks of work. i can do this ! i can do this ! one day at a time...

anyway...
Kate

From one man's perspective: engaging in "normal" conversation is as daunting as rattling off a final draft of an essay when you have barely begun writing the first draft.

It also doesn't help to be a mouth breather with weak vocal cords.

I have problems carrying out a conservation. Better when in- depth issues. Also figuring how things to talk about.

Oh yeah. I attended a friends engagement party today, and didn't really know anyone there... only person I spoke to was a little kid who had a pet mouse:

Me (joking): Hey- did you find him in the church? (we were in a church)
Kid: Heh, yeah.
Me: What's his name?
Kid: Bandit.
Me: Heh, thats a good name.
Kid: His name's bandit.
Me: Yes, thats a good name.
Kid: His name's bandit.
Me: Uh, yes. Its a cool name.
Kid: I said his name's bandit.
Me: Yeah, and I said its a good name.
<End of weird conversation.>

So even though the place was swarming with people my own age, I didn't speak to any of them. And none of them spoke to me.

Sounds like you spoke to a neurological compatriot .

In groups: Saying what I want to say, but not interrupting others in trying to do so, is the hardest part for me [well except for making grammatical sentences with people looking at me ]; lately I've begun putting my hand up when I've got something to say in groups of three or more people and they don't hear me. Usually there's some NT person who notices it and is better at politely interrupting people than I am, and is willing to do that on my behalf.

One on one: It works with people who know me, but some are uncomfortable with pauses. On the phone this is even worse, because they can't see you. The incongruity of speaking at a distance, and the fact that phone calls are often unexpected, and sometimes a need to concentrate on the person in silence, all make it hard to keep a conversation going. I know one person who is a natural at telephone silences... maybe two.

I have always had problems with talking. Everybody says I sound "ret*d"; so I try not to talk much.

I agree with what has been said here. I tend to find most NT conversations very empty, alot of them seem to lack any depth and meaning. Most people tend to chat about things of such little interest and importance and when I try to speak about something I'm interested in, I receive wierd looks from them.

I also find having one-on-one conversations very hard. I can never think of anything to say and if the other person tries to talk to me, my replies are usually very short one word answers. It's not because I don't want to have a conversation with them, I just don't have anything to say. Then there are the days when you just don't want to speak to anyone!

I think I wasn't even talking (typing) about the general NT kind of talk; more about conversations with people I know well, and discussions/debates (they're not the same, but I don't know which kind I mean the most). NT chitchat and small talk is just baffling...

I tend to have trouble talking when I feel that I'm being put on the spot by somebody and that person expects a quick answer from me. My own Mother is like that, but I won't mention who it is. And when I don't answer right away, she'll add two detatched words to the question, the way that a Highschool student would. Than I get very tense inside and as I answer, I start to stutter and it takes me a minute to get the answer out. I tell her that I need people to give me time to answer their questions, because I need to think about what I'm going to say, so the words will come out perfectly She pretends to get what I'm telling her, until the next time that she asks a question, and than the whole Nightmare starts all over again.

I could print this thread, frame it, and put it on my wall so anyone visiting me could read what it's like having Asperger's. I NEVER GET IT RIGHT! After all these years, I still cannot carry on a discussion with say six people around a table. When to speak, when to interrupt, when to keep quiet, what is appropriate to say or not appropriate to say, when to look at someone, when to laugh - oh boy, I'm tired just thinking about it.

It's like NT people have a separate signal processor in their heads that handles all of this stuff, while I don't and my CPU is in 100% supervisor state just on the environmental level with no processing power leftover. So often what I say is simply ignored to my total surprise.