he told me he "dosent chill with aspies anymore"
Personally, I prefer it that way than to be swamped from my past once again decades later.
very true, and I agree... I prefer to leave the past in the past
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Very high systematizing, low empathy, but moderate to high sympathy.
I do not experience cognitive dissonance reduction the way that other people do.
Professionally diagnosed in March 2018
Reynaert
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 19 Dec 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 73
Location: Netherlands
Panic, you seem to care about him a lot, from what I can gather. My first instinct was also to post something like "Just return the favour and tell him you don't want to hang out with such a nasty character", but seeing the string of posts that carry this sentiment has made me re-think.
If his friendship means that much to you (you've called it your only social outlet), I would suggest you contact him. If he doesn't respond to your texts and calls, then confront him face to face. Ask him why he has come to feel that way, tell him how this is hurting you, no matter how clumsy you might come across when saying what's on your mind. You are entitled to a real explanation, one that's better than "I don't hang with Aspies anymore". Maybe you can repair a friendship that's obviously very precious to you; you might regret it if you don't try.
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clarity of thought before rashness of action
Could he have been joking (in a kind of sarcastic/ironic way)? What was the context, and what was his tone of voice like when he said it?
From my NT perspective, this statement could be totally deadpan as you are interpreting but could just as easily convey something like "come on, don't be ridiculous!" because such a statement "I don't chill with Aspies anymore" from a long-term friend is too extreme (and ridiculous in itself) to just drop on a person with no further explanation. To me it sounds as though he was perhaps trying to crack a joke while at the same time avoiding the uncomfortable situation of explaining to you why he has not been in touch. By the way, does he know a lot of Aspies or are you the only one?
Sorry if this sounds confusing, I am not very good at explaining this I think. I would just send him an email with something like "hey, when we last spoke you told me you don't "chill with Aspies anymore". Being an Aspie you may know it's difficult for me to interpret this, so please explain- are you saying you do not want to hang out with me anymore, or was it a joke? I consider you a friend and would like it to remain that way, but if the feeling is not mutual, please tell me in a more direct way."
I do not have a sufficient amount of information of your situation to say something along the lines of: "Wow, that guy is a complete jerk, judging others on the spectrum like that."
I have faced rejection from people, perhaps not them overtly stating it was because of my AS, but the best thing to do is try to objectively assess to see if you made any mistakes that contributed to this result, and then move on.
i'm sorry that this happened to you. i'd suggest you make some new friends and forget about that person. just because he was your only social outlet before doesn't mean that he was a worthwhile social outlet. i don't see the point in hurting him back as it will just reflect badly on you.
going forward, maybe do your best to make more than one friend. having one friend who is your only social outlet puts a lot of pressure on that one person. branching out will mean that each friend will get to enjoy your company is moderation but they won't feel so completely responsible for being your primary social life.
i learned this the hard way. my ex-husband is my best friend and always will be. but when he was my only friend it was very hard on him. it got to the point where he was practically begging me to go out and make friends lol. now i have a balanced social life with a few friends that i do limited activities with. it makes each relationship a little healthier so that one person is not my whole social life.
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Hes probably a middle class piece o shite that only cares about himself and doesn't realise how much good he could do by at least associating with you,
you know? but it seems he totally wants to cut you off, he is selfish scum bro, you gotta train yourself to analyse the peeps you hang with so you can use them to get more friends
or something before he tries to ditch you like a dog.
jojobean
Veteran
Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk
going forward, maybe do your best to make more than one friend. having one friend who is your only social outlet puts a lot of pressure on that one person. branching out will mean that each friend will get to enjoy your company is moderation but they won't feel so completely responsible for being your primary social life.
i learned this the hard way. my ex-husband is my best friend and always will be. but when he was my only friend it was very hard on him. it got to the point where he was practically begging me to go out and make friends lol. now i have a balanced social life with a few friends that i do limited activities with. it makes each relationship a little healthier so that one person is not my whole social life.
I could not say it better!
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All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
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