Should I give up trying to make friends?

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to CWA:

I have this constant urge to give up like you, but i also dont want to be alone all my life. But did you really put a advert saying want a bed mater? And you found a nice person being that direct?

to acentupleflat:

Thanks for the encouragement. Right now i am just in a slump i.e. the "i dont want to do anything" period. I feel guilty about it as i just cant deal with anybody right now other than people who have direct work or my family.

to chessimprov:

I get what you are saying about people having roles for their relationships. Like this girl and me were basically "grocery shopping" people. That was as much i could deal with her (once a week). But her other friends that she gets along with more were unavailable so she started to insist that i do more for her. I could not deal with it and started to feel pushed and angry with myself and her. I think i would prefer if people were a bit more direct about what they wanted in a relationship. It is just tough trying to figure out.

The most ironic thing is that, i am generally a person who has no assumptions about people. I take people as they come and then try to work out their personality. I never think about how they fit in any box, for me they are a puzzle and i like puzzles. But with relationships, it is like air, you cant catch it. You can tell if it is there or not, but you cant catch it or quantify it.

to anneurysm:

Thanks for explaining. I am fine with sending a message. In my head apology is like bowing down low in a submissive position (like in japanese manga). I actually used to work very hard to keep in touch as most of the time unless i am having a meltdown, keeping in touch via email is not tough. If i put it in my routine it works. I used to be very anxious and cautious that i did not do anything to offend and would apologize or approach the person if i felt i was off. I had to stop myself as it spiraled out of control very badly and i basically was a mental mess for a long time. So in a way i am trying to figure out what my game plan should be.