I feel so stupid around other people?

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Because many problems for us don't come from a "we haven't learned it yet" but from a "we do it totally different" point of view.
Another way of putting it: "if neurotpyical was righthanded and autism was lefthanded"; your child's problem isn't that his right handed skills aren't up to par and just needs to learn how to use the scissors properly, no, he's lefthanded and will need his own special lefthanded tool in order to cut things properly. You can force him to be righthanded, which will give him a life that makes the outside world decide how he's able to work with what's asked of him. Or allow him to be lefthanded, learning where his strengths and weaknesses are so he can sell himself to the outside world in a way that works for him. If that means staying away from places that are all about "working with your right hand", so be it.

I myself have been diagnosed late and looking back now, spend a lot of energy on trying to be "righthanded" that I could/should have spend on being myself. Friendships ended up being fake because no matter how hard I tried to "be like them" I couldn't keep it up 100% of the time and 1% is all it needs to fail. Same goes for jobs, and it's even worse for dating/love.[/quote]

Hi there! Thanks for your reply and your view. I totally agree with the "left handed analogy" as he is left handed so we totally relate to that. Being left handed he's learn to master same skills as a right handed such as writing, use of scissors, computer mouse, etc. And yes, if the end result is the one desired then by all means go about it however you feel. Nothing like individuality. However, what if by doing it differently you don't get the desired result; would that be considered doing the same thing just a different way?

I don't think nobody can keep up with anything 100%, I sure in the H*ll can't lol (i'm ADD, i should've not said i'm neurotypical, i should've said non-autistic? Learning lingo

I'm so sorry you were dx late, my son was fortunate enough to be diagnosed at 2 years old because my brother is a BCBA, as soon as we moved here to Florida and he saw him right away he knew. I'm glad you've gained insight on your dx and can then help others. I truly appreciate it.

It all depends on the "desired result", and that will be the hardest thing to figure out for both you and your son. For "anyone else" the desired result would be to basically mimic "what is already going on".
For an autistic person the desired result could be to basically learn "not be hindered by what is already going on".


To give a good example of what I mean:
There have been many times for me where I crawled my way out of social events with BS, while looking back at it now, should just have been able to say "Listen guys, I'll come have some beers with you guys outside on the bars terrace, but once you guys go inside, I'm going home because I can't coop with the sound, lights and general busyness inside". Instead I pretended to have a lot of family birthdays or other engagements, which no doubt they at least thought meant I wasn't socially interested, or full out realized it was rude BS. (edit: Or I went inside with them anyway, finding myself a quiet corner somewhere, and leaving after 30 minutes without telling anyone.)

My own false conclusion I wasn't mimicking them -enough- whenever I felt I was missing out, cost me of a lot of moments where the "autistic version of me" would probably have been fully accepted and would have had a great time with the boundaries I would have set for myself.

Another big example of this is with alcohol; It often has different effects on people with autism, but if you see everyone else enjoying themselves more and more after they drink more, and you're mimicking them "to get along", you'll end up thinking you probably must drink more. Alcohol does nothing for me mentally, it just makes me feel like I'm controlling a laggy robot suit. I will literally drink till I start puking from being too full, which I did many times to "fit in". Looking back now again, I should have just accepted that alcohol clearly affects me different, and instead could even have used it socially in terms of being the "designated sober person".

Usually people perceive me as stupid because of my clumsiness and because i can't express myself in a rich way, so they believe i'm simple minded and they are cool and smart because they know how to play with words when, in reality, they have nothing to say.