I hate it when people jokingly insult each other

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Lilyrose
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26 Oct 2012, 9:51 pm

Ah, I hate when people use these jokes too (jokingly insult/ teasing eachother) but not because I really do hate it.
It's because I'm horrible at it :(
It seems like everyone use this skill to make friends.
I'm trying so hard to mimic this but it's so hard.
NTs do this so naturally.... I really want to learn this but don't know how.
My whole life I covered my slight social awkwardness by trying my best to be polite and nice as possible to others. To some extent it helps, but with my new job I see literally everyone teasing eachother all the time and that's how they socialize. I feel like I'm left out alone being the boring unfunny person who is nice but nobody cares about that.

I was looking at the thread "How to make fun of/tease a person in a friendly way?" too...
(I cannot link it because Wrongplanet doesn't let new users to link URLs)
I guess it's matter of you have it in you or not, like it's something you cannot just practice and get better.
Get's me depressed.....



Last edited by Lilyrose on 27 Oct 2012, 12:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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26 Oct 2012, 11:09 pm

I have mixed feelings about it. I mean if its all in good humour I don't really care but when it goes to far I certainly do get uncomfortable. I mean I prefer to laugh with someone about something shi*tty that happens to them rather than at them about it. I mean for instance I have PTSD and so I am rather jumpy and an aquantince of mine who was over at my friends house came and poked me in the side just to sort of get my attention and I dropped a dish I was holding in the sink and practically dived on the floor and got up ready to hit someone before I realized it was just her and we both laughed about it........but if she had laughed at me and mocked me for my condition than it would have hurt my feelings.


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17 Dec 2012, 3:34 pm

Thas a typical NT behavior. They to be very predatory. Frankly, I have never met an Aspie who would do it. I think we are kinder and more realistic than the rest of the (NT) population.


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17 Dec 2012, 5:21 pm

Joe90 wrote:
That doesn't mean I lack sense of humour. In fact I have a lot of humour, but I don't have those jokey arguments with people. I'm no good at it, I did it before and somebody thought I was being serious so I had to explain that it was a joke.


That happened to me, too, the other day. I was acting very obtuse and illogical in an argument with this guy, just as a joke, and he actually got pissed off. :P

You're not alone, I can't relate to that sort of playful aggression, either. In fact, I feel like I could have written your entire post.

But I enjoy taking playful (verbal) stabs at my friend. It's not aggressive. It's along the lines of what you'd call "self-deprecating humor", except directed at someone else.



TheBlueEyedAlien
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17 Dec 2012, 9:20 pm

I thought I was the only one who hated it when people insult eachother jokingly!! ! Holy cow I seriously thought I was the only one who gets irritated when people do that. It seems like EVERYONE is doing it so it looked like I was the only one who got rubbed the wrong way when people jokingly insulted eachother. Nice to see someone feels the same way. Yes, sarcasm, teasing, playful insults and playful sexual behavior and humorous blames all irritate me to no end. Especially if it's a couple. I don't understand why two people who, supposedly like eachother enough to "date" would call eachother unnecessary names. I think it's offensive! Joke or not, to me it's just not funny. Thanks for making this thread, nice to know somebody shares this opinion.
I didn't type much, sorry. Im on my iPod touch and hate to type on this small key board.



cmoonbeam1
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29 Apr 2014, 6:43 am

Huzzah. I know this post is old, but I am really happy I found it. I really can't stand this type of behaviour either. I am having this problem with a roommate and it's really difficult. She jokingly insults me all the time and I try to brush it off but it's really getting under my skin. I searched for "why do people think it's funny to insult each other" on google and nothing came up. Then I figured searching here might help... and lo and behold, it did. It's actually kind of comforting to know that this is an aspie problem. That means that her behaviour isn't necessarily mean-spirited, because I was starting to feel attacked and afraid. Now I know that if I lose my temper, it will probably be seen as an overreaction, and make it worse... so I will attempt to quietly, calmly and kindly state my case, and say, "Please don't call me names." Maybe explain that I suck at sarcasm and take things at face value. Merp.



tarantella64
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30 Apr 2014, 8:47 am

Yeah, I don't like it either. The thing is, there are groups of people who really don't do it. My mom friends never do this to each other. Ever. Maybe because we're grownups, maybe because we're busy teaching our kids to speak respectfully, but even those of us who come from aggressive parts of the country don't do this. They're just supportive, and the conversation's sprinkled with compliments and supportive remarks.

I recently had my students visit anti-vax mom boards and engage in conversation there, and they were all surprised by how nice the moms were. One girl said it made her sorry she wasn't actually a mom -- they'd assumed she was a young mom, and were super-nice and welcoming.



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30 Apr 2014, 1:27 pm

It's called 'banter'. I'm terrible at it, I don't like it, and as a result, I'm usually seen as a humourless person for it.


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Eisenhof
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02 May 2014, 9:04 am

I find it really relieving to be able poke someone without fearing they might feel offended - and so do I dare say a majority of NTs.

Life shouldn't be taken too seriously.



Geist
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02 May 2014, 10:42 am

I normally dislike this too... but I'm guilty of it.

I don't speak spanish, but my best friend is half Mexican half Spaniard. When we were teenagers his mum would come home from work and we'd usually be hanging out in front of his house/garage/etc. He would have ticked her off by the time she removed herself from her car and made it to the door (I make him sound like a bad kid, he wasn't, just really lazy at the time) On really bad days his mum would slam the door and then curse at the top of her lungs in spanish. So I say I don't know spanish... eh, I know how to curse in spanish. :D When my friend and I would part in the evenings we would jokingly insult each other in spanish. It was even funnier when he would have to correct me with male/female pronunciations.



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02 May 2014, 6:18 pm

Joe90 wrote:
That doesn't mean I lack sense of humour. In fact I have a lot of humour, but I don't have those jokey arguments with people. I'm no good at it, I did it before and somebody thought I was being serious so I had to explain that it was a joke. I think this has put me off joking around with people, and I only laugh if they joke with me, but I don't carry it on in that fake argumentative way because it gets annoying.

I think the issue is other people tend to think you're always serious when they haven't gotten to know you enough. People tend to think I'm more serious than I really am.

I think the problem with a lot of younger people is internet culture. Some people spent too much time reading Encyclopedia Dramatica articles. To some people it's inherently funny to say shockingly rude and offensive things, call friends racial slurs, etc... I thought that stuff was early 2000s. You'd think people would be over it 10 years later. It ceased being funny when real racists, sexists, and jerks started copying the "shock humorists" without understanding the parody element.



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02 May 2014, 6:23 pm

cmoonbeam1 wrote:
Huzzah. I know this post is old, but I am really happy I found it. I really can't stand this type of behaviour either. I am having this problem with a roommate and it's really difficult. She jokingly insults me all the time and I try to brush it off but it's really getting under my skin. I searched for "why do people think it's funny to insult each other" on google and nothing came up. Then I figured searching here might help... and lo and behold, it did. It's actually kind of comforting to know that this is an aspie problem. That means that her behaviour isn't necessarily mean-spirited, because I was starting to feel attacked and afraid. Now I know that if I lose my temper, it will probably be seen as an overreaction, and make it worse... so I will attempt to quietly, calmly and kindly state my case, and say, "Please don't call me names." Maybe explain that I suck at sarcasm and take things at face value. Merp.

It isn't friendly banter if they don't have your permission. If you feel insulted she's being an ass, period.



onewithstrange
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02 May 2014, 9:43 pm

I don't know... I was under the impression groups of guys socialize this way. One of my friends called me a dick once and we both laughed.


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03 May 2014, 10:40 am

One of the places of employment where I worked was had work a program. The people that worked there would insult you by joking around instead of being professional enough to tell you when something bothered them.

One of the people who worked there had a child with Autism themselves who had a more severe case. So you would think that they would be more understanding. Was I ever wrong. I did some things that this person did not like but they never pulled me to the side and talked it over. Instead they appeared to make more insulting jokes. Then when I would cry it was "I was just kidding." It was when I called them out that I found out they felt like I had an arrogance and upper attitude that I was just not aware of. I just did not understand that.



Al725
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04 May 2014, 9:19 pm

Jeese. I'm guilty of that. Infact I've offended allot of people that either didn't get that I was joking ir didn't like it!



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04 May 2014, 9:30 pm

There's a time and a place for everything.

Aggressive banter between good friends is actually quite fun, provided all participants understand the importance of timing and where their boundaries are.