Do you ever get bullied, without even knowing it.

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I briefly saw that someone else in here saying that they have trouble telling the different between when someone is joking and when they are being mean. Although I am getting better at it in terms of people disrespecting you.

One of the ways though that I notice when someone is being deliberate is when they say something that makes you feel icky or uncomfortable and then they throw in the "I was just kidding," or "That was a joke by the way."

A second way I notice when one is being mean is after they say things and then you call them out. So they talk to you and never apologize. Instead it's "First of all I never said that." "Stop accusing me of things that I never said." Then they get mad and find everything little thing wrong with you that they can to put themselves up.

A Third is when someone acts like your friend but keeps stabbing you and you call them out for mistreating you, "After all that I have done, you have some nerve talking to me like that."

I think what we are discussing here is reading the major social cues of any types of bullying.

Somes examples of bullying that I had problems with as a teen

1. Someone acting like your friend but showing signs of not acting like one and boasting to you about getting together with other people while shutting you out. E.I- Hey friend, guess what? Me and persons, AB& C went to the new pizza place over the weekend and then went to catch "Warm Bodies." (They constantly do this to you while you wonder why you are not invited until you get a direct answer from person A or B about them disliking you)]

2. When someone constantly leads you around by being passive aggressive and manipulative. E.I- One person calls you up and leaves a message and you retrieve the call. They talk briefly and then say, "Can you call back within the next 15 minutes, I need to put my make up on, do the dishes etc. Then you call back and they supposedly just left for another friend's house.

3. Getting together with certain people at specific times. For instance- Having a certain look or trait while doing something at a certain time and the other person(s) is/are constantly talking picking at you for not doing this right or having that. This is out of jealousy. This happened to me whenever I would eat with a childhood friend and her mother as she became a teenager. I was always the petite one and they would poke in little comments in like "You don't eat right," or "We thought you were anorexic when you your younger." Finally, "Your weight is below normal. At your age, you should be x weight by now but you are now."


Those are three areas I had trouble reading and the first was the most difficult and hurtful. I could not understand why they were doing it.

A lot of the more subtle rejection doesn't bother me as I'm so used to it. I don't expect "friends" to remain friendly for long and generally find it best to keep a polite distance from everyone and expect no favours from anyone.

Come to think of it, I did not ever re-call what my peers in high school or other people who I considered friends were being bullies until I heard someone on the radio talk about school bullying and other types.

They were talking about a non malignant form of bullying which is by omission. That is where one goes around and spreads rumors about you and then you get rejected and oppressed based on those rumors.

Bullied no, but people being completely two-faced? Sure. I think in adulthood, bullying for the most part is over. Instead comes the lies and deceit. It could happen anywhere. At your job you can be doing well but there could be people you rub the wrong way and they b***h and lie about you to their boss without you knowing. This incident just happened to me but luckily for me, my bosses like me very much and defended me.

I'd say given that I take most things people say literally, I've had quite a few situations where I'll look back and realize someone was messing with me. Or that I might have been perceived in a way that I didn't to project.

Having these realizations later on, and thinking about them over and over is exhausting. It's only from some good behavioral therapy that I'm learning to deal with it. Realizing these things sooner helps too.

makes me think that Aspies get it, we are naive but we do "get it", we just get it really really slow.

Yep. Intimidation, gossip, taunting are too common. People want to control others, so they push to see what you will do for them. If I notice, not so much. But I am oblivious to NT signals. I may see them, but what they mean takes a while.
I forget people lie. Later, I feel like a fool. It repeats. The fool expands.
Sometimes they don't know what they do. At least, I didn't know what I was doing.
I am guilty of aggressive verbal assault. I was attempting to be witty and urbane. I was having fun, but no fun was had.
Every negative encounter I suppressed. I told no one. I told myself rejection protected me from knowing a total jerk or worse. I was ashamed. Bitter. I stuffed all my hurt feelings into my subconscious. I spoke without thinking. Venom covered my cruel words and I thought it was amusing. I laughed. Ten yeas later, I processed the shocked faces. Now I'm scared to see anyone I like, because I am cruel. That sucks.

[quote/]

Roommates can be bullies too and especially if you don't meet their expectations or understand each other.

They can:
Manipulate, intimidate, and lie to you. I have seen it happen.[/quote]

Been there.

Was also bullied by a college professor for awhile. Was unaware of it until a procter pointed it out. He felt the need to report her to the college dean, and the professor left me alone after she got a warning.