I had an everlasting conversation with an NT....
ImAnAspie
Veteran
Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
/thread
If that's the case, the that's stupid.
Joe90 (OP) I agree with you.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
I think it's quite sad that women are under so much pressure to look a certain way that they will put themselves through an hour of makeup application on a train etc... hopefully society will move away from placing such ridiculous expectations on us to look a certain way. But it doesn't feel like that's going to happen any time soon...
Joe90,
yes, it is the most facsinating thing, the NTs' mind.
Recently I found out when they ask your opinion of their new haircut they don't really care for your opinion, it is just their way to ask for reassurance. And if you honestly say "a bit unusual but generally ok" they think you call them ugly.
I had a discussion with an NT about it and he said that such a trait is very common for most people and his own answers to questions are "honest" but always adapted to company which means he always considers what company wishes to hear and plays along. I wondered if I should reask him pointing out I need his real opinion to know what he really thinks and he said yes. I was surprised because we are very close and I thought this closeness is enough to have his real opinion whenever I ask things. And I was wrong again, this trait has nothing to do with closeness, it is kind of a hypersensitivity to people's opinion, NTs are born with it.
kazma, Joe90,
Here is one more sample of NT/AS communication from the blog of Cynthia Kim (musingsofanaspie com).
It is simply beautiful. So true. I can easily imagine it happening at my home too.
"The NT partner may think he is communicating but most of what he’s saying doesn’t seem to be getting through.
NTs communicate in subtle ways that aspies find difficult to interpret.
Here’s a typical example:
One day I was making lunch and the following exchange took place:
Me: “I found this great new recipe for chorizo and grits. Do you want to try some?”
The Scientist: “That’s okay. I’m not very hungry.”
I was a little hurt that he didn’t want to try the new recipe I was obviously so excited about but I went ahead and made enough for myself. Thinking he might like to taste it, I offered him a bite.
The Scientist: “Wow, that’s great. Is that all you made?”
Me: “Yeah. You said you didn’t want any.”
The Scientist: “But I hoped you’d make me some anyhow.”
Me: “I asked you if you wanted some and you said you weren’t hungry.”
The Scientist: ”I didn’t want to make extra work and I wasn’t sure if you had enough for both of us.”
I was stunned. It would have been no extra work to double the portion and I had plenty of ingredients. Why hadn’t he just said “yes” when I asked if he wanted some? Apparently I was supposed to know that his “no” meant “yes.” Apparently this is what “good wives” do. We both felt bad afterwards – he felt like I was being selfish by cooking only for myself and I felt like I’d been tested and failed.
Keep in mind that we’ve been married for twenty-five years and know each very well. Yet, this still happens now and then.
Aspies need explicit communication. Forget about dropping hints. Forget about body language and inferences. We need to be told exactly what our NT partner wants, needs, or expects. And we may need to be told more than once, in slightly different ways, until we get it."