Please can someone explain this bizarre NT behaviour!

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Draka
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03 Mar 2013, 2:05 pm

opal wrote:
Don't expect me to tell you what you want to hear. :P


:D

I try to be polite in the please-thank you-sorry category, because I usually do mean it, I just don't always end up saying it. But with the how are you stuff, I don't ask it unless I actually care about hearing the response, and I hate having to respond with "good" when that isn't how I feel, though I often just say it to make people I don't know/trust leave me alone. I do respond honestly to friends, but sometimes I think it makes me seem whiny. I hate that it's socially expected to lie in response to such a simple question.



Moondust
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11 Mar 2013, 3:28 pm

People say nice things they don't mean because people like hearing nice things even if they know they're not truly meant. People like to be told white lies even though they know perfectly well that they're lies. In essence, people love those who help them lie to themselves. You're supposed to feel good that they said "call if you need to talk" but at the same time to understand that it's just meant as a nicety and NOT CALL.


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Urist
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11 Mar 2013, 5:48 pm

I would imagine that this is because NT people fundamentally care about their image: about how the world perceives them. Coming across as rude without managing to be funny at the same time and ending up a social pariah would be agony for someone who cares about that sort of thing. Socialisation is often the only reason they do anything outside of outright obligation, and they want to be loved and appreciated.

I'm not exactly like that myself. I don't go out of my way to be rude but I can certainly be biting and sarcastic when annoyed and just generally blunt. "Yes, your ass does look fat in that and yes your hair looks like you were dragged through multiple hedges full of thorns". But really, I think people should, and some do, appreciate honest observations rather than just hearing the same thing from everyone. Surely that must be dull?


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