24 and never been clubbing dated or been invited to parties

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This is the same with me, I can make small talk with people, but otherwise I don't know what to say unless I get to know them really well and they get to like me as a friend. But I find it difficult to chat to strangers, I just don't know how other people do it.


I desire friendships. The thought of being lonely really depresses me. As a coping mechanism I usually watch films with plenty of social events going on, and writing stories about people and what happens in their day to day life, a bit like a TV soap. It always relaxes me, though some relatives come over and criticise me for ''always writing'', which doesn't help at all.
Also I have been rejected a lot. In my last year of school I kept having one girl calling me weird to my face, and she didn't realise it was really upsetting me. Everyone else seemed to like her because she wasn't nasty to her, she just tried to get at me by making me feel uncomfortable, telling lies about me to the others and they believed her, and making sure I noticed her socialising with them when I was on my own so that she could gloat. I really hate this girl and I hope she gets what's coming to her. b***h.


I have some friends (not many), but they're all random people, some are like 30 odd years older than me, others are young but have neurological differences so are more on my social wavelength and don't do things like clubbing and don't have many friends themselves.
So I see them sometimes, and I chat to a few people on Facebook, but that's it. I never go out to pubs or bars. My brother and his friends have often asked me to come out, and I did a few times last summer (but I didn't drink and I came back early), but I haven't been since. I just can't be bothered. I sometimes like the evenings and nights to myself and I'd rather socialise in the day, if I wanted to. But all in all, I don't do very well socialising. I think it's because not only I feel shy, I also look shy, so people know it from my body language and then my social phobia kicks in and I'm afraid to speak out and.....ohh, it's just a frsutrating vicious circle. I've just got to find a way to accept that I'm a quiet, timid person and that's that.


It isn't easy. I HATE Asperger's. It has ruined my life. I could be doing so much more if it wasn't for this Asperger's s**t. It's so hard to change my life. Plus change is hard for people on the spectrum anyway.
I keep getting depressed at work because sometimes I feel lonely. The others do talk to me and I shouldn't complain because they are nice, but I feel that I am the shyest person there. Sometimes I think about work when I'm off and get mild panic attacks because I really don't want to go.

I'm sorry I can't find any advice for you, but it is nice to know that there are others that feel the same way. I've never been clubbing before, and I'm 23 but still a virgin, and I'll probably die alone when I'm old, because I'm not likely to have any kids, and I'll lose touch with my cousins because they're all NTs so none of them face the same difficulties as I do.

Your lucky that your brother invites you to go out, mine doesn't even acknowledge me most of the time and is emotional abusive.
The thing is I don't even label myself as someone with AS but have always felt on the outside looking in. I don't wish to spend the rest of my life like this, I have hope that things have to change as life does move on?

I am 24 and I don't go to parties or clubbing. I don't drink as a personal choice and I find being around people uncomfortable. I would rather stay in and read or get lost in my writing or play with my dog.
I understand about feeling insecure about it... I am constantly teased for my personal preferences and choices but you know what? Ultimately, it doesn't matter because I wouldn't be happy if I was trying to be something I wasn't. I don't really see what the point of going out all the time is. To me, it would just be exhausting and I would spend the whole time wishing I could sink into the floor and just disappear.
I am truly glad that there are other people like this!

I do get criticised for not going out to clubs and bars and other places like that at night. I wish people would understand that bars aren't for everyone. And it's not just the social part of it that puts me off going. It's also the fact that I like to stay indoors at night, because I don't really like being out after it gets dark. I just feel uncomfortable. Also I hate tarting up, and I feel I have to tart up when going out to bars because everyone else does, and if I don't then I feel other girls judge me and I stand out. I don't want to put myself into a position like that when I needn't.

I prefer to socialise in the day. There are plenty of other ways to socialise other than dressing up and going to a bar and feeling the pressure to have to drink. I prefer to meet some friends that I feel comfortable with and go shopping or have lunch somewhere or go bowling or anything like that, even a day down by the sea, or just hang out at home with a couple of friends. That's just as social as going to a bar. I suppose more people realise that as they get older.

I’ve never hit anyone with a club, I do feel outdated, and no political party has shown any interest in me other than as a voter.

It is not as fun as it seems. I went to a club not too long ago and it kind of sucked. Everyone there were in the little cliques, nobody had my interests, people were bumping and grinding. Get a hotel or go in your car. I don't want to see you trying to make sex time. It was hot, smelly, sweaty and cramped with flashing lights and music so loud you couldn't make out what the songs were.

I don't see the appeal in clubbing. From descriptions of my friends, it's basically sexual assault +loud music + strange people + alcohol, all things I dislike.

How about this? Turning 29 and no dates. Been to one club once and hated it. I am a quiet individual, though I enjoy having fun in a group, like at a movie or museum or something. I don't mind doing things on my own either.

I went once at 19 or 20 (can't remember exactly when) and hated every second of it. Why people pay large sums of money to go through that sensory hell will forever be a mystery to me. Unfortunately, people like myself are in the minority and don't exactly loudly advertise themselves either. I remember being berated for not tipping and saying "are you F*#@@ng kidding me? The bartender should tip ME!" I'm not necessarily opposed to crowds, loud music, etc in general but that clubbing experience was downright awful.

I've always wanted to go on holiday with a friend. I've only ever been on holiday with relatives, not that there is anything wrong with that, but all of my cousins have been on holiday with at least one friend at least once in their lives, and that is what I want to do with a friend, but I haven't got many friends that are close enough to want to do things like that. *

Although older NTs tell me that parties and bars and going away with your mates isn't the essential factor of life, to me it feels like it is, probably because it is how society makes it out to be, and people that don't do these things get frowned upon (especially young people). It just sometimes makes me feel other people are superior to me, even if they have issues and worries in their lives. But I'm not talking about issues and worries, I'm talking about their social status and their ability to make friends and do a bit more than me.

I had a funny experience a few years back.

A friend organised a night out into the city for her birthday and I went along. Didn't really know any of her social circle but we'd known each other since high school and performed music together. At one of the places where they all wanted to dance I stood against a wall, closed my eyes, and just let my mind wander. In hindsight I was probably trying to keep calm about the uncomfortable surrounding. Staff actually came up to me and said I couldn't sleep against the wall. I suppose meditation wasn't the typical thing there...

Still don't feel like I was causing a problem but no doubt I stood out as odd. I'm sure they encounter worse than people interested in zen.

I see what you did there...

Sencha, I think that the idea of meditating in a bar would turn into a really great short story. There is the story of the outer bar, and the story of the world within, and could the two intersect? Just a thought...

There are a couple reasons why I don't go clubbing. This is how I view it: the breakdown of clubbing consists of several elements, mainly a socializiation aspect and a musical one. Now personally, I think using clubs as a means to meet people is like gambling or playing the lottery (perhaps with slightly better odds). In other words, there seems to be very little common ground in bring large numbers of people together at clubs, in my opinion. (That's not to say, though, that people who don't share commonalities can't have friendships or relationships, but it certainly makes it a lot easier.) But the copious amounts of alcohol probably affect these connections between people.

Then there's the musical aspect. I like a lot of electronic music, but not what they'd play at clubs. The kind of electronic music I like is, in my opinion, best suited for listening, not dancing. Plus, I don't dance.

And I think another reason why I don't go clubbing is because my friends don't go clubbing - so, naturally, there's really no incentive.

I think clubbing is a bad way of meeting people too. The music is generally too loud to have a conversation. I love clubbing for the dancing and style of music. But there are so many better environments to meet people.

I'm not a writer but I would consider reading that. Thanks for your comment. (: