Literal thinking and telling others

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Sorry if I came cross as overly critical. I tend to be over analytical and abrupt at times. The OP's concern has been a perennial problem of mine, too, and my above reply was partly born of frustration at not being able to unravel the layers of hidden meaning, or even recognize that there ARE hidden layers.

I did offer a tactic earlier in the thread, which was to try to let people around you know that you prefer a forthright manner of communication. I do this so those closest to me know my preference and will (I hope) pass this tidbit along if someone else should ask them how best to approach me, or inquires of them why I didn't respond to their implied meaning.

i wish my aspie bf would use this more often.

I've had the opposite problem - someone I'm not at all interested in, telling me about something they are about to do, me responding with the overheard-from-NT-conversations "Oh, that sounds like fun! Tell me more" and the conversation continues to the point where I suddenly find that "Oh, I'll come and pick you this afternoon, then? What's your address?" My responses have been interpreted as acceptance of an (unwanted by me) date. Actually, that happens quite a bit... my social skills obviously still need some tweaking! (Note to self - LESS eye contact, dammit!)

I've also turned someone down (someone who I WAS interested in) when he had dyed his hair - I didn't recognise him! (Besides the point, perhaps, but just to show that I really do/did have trouble reading faces, and even recognising them.) Oh, the humanity! But back to the OP...

Strategy #1 In the situation you mention above, you could try some non-committal phrases such as "That sounds like ..." in this case, "That sounds like an invitation?" or "That sounds like you're asking me to come too", and said with a bit of a grin. It's a bit indirect, and if you smile and keep it light, there's no harm done if your friend's intention was NOT an invitation. (You can both just laugh it off, no hard feelings.) Get him talking, get more information. Disclaimer - I have no idea if that would have worked in this particular case, as I don't know the guy.

Strategy #2 Ask for clarity with "Sorry, you'll have to spell it out for me, I'm a bit pre-occupied at the moment" (You don't have to mention WHAT is pre-occupying you, even if it is AS.) Works for me, if I'm, say, in a work situation, sitting at the computer, or reading a document.

Good luck! It does get easier, eventually.

Maybe it was, but I've never been invited like that. There could be other meanings behind it altogether. I hope you don't find them offensive, I'm just thinking out loud (well in text) here:

Two innocent non-invitations:
You say he's part of a group you go to. IDK what kind of group that is but the first thing to enter my mind when I read that, was that he sounded simple, and maybe he was just telling you that he was going to the cinema with his friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

If he's someone who has trouble making friends, maybe he was happy about the prospect of going to the movies with his (new?) friend. (Still makes him sound a bit simple, unless you knew his problem very well).

One nastier non-invitation would be this:
Allegedly it's supposed to be bad manners to talk to people about parties they're not invited to, allegedly it'll make them feel bad (I don't get it, I see no problem with someone inviting one person and not the other but whatever). Anyway... Going by this, he may have said "I'm going to the movies with my friend" and not adding the meaning "and you're not".

Of course it mightn't be any of those at all.

If someone had said that to me, I would say "Ooookaaay...." and think "and you're telling me this because...?"


I agree 100%. I would never invite myself along like that either.


That's not my experience. Any invitation I have gotten have been direct.
"Do you wanna go out with me?"
"X and I are going to the cinema tomorrow. Do you wanna come along?"
"I'm having a small get-together soon. Come over!" (yep, she didn't even ask )






I also fail to recognise people when they dye their hair or change their hair in other ways.

Im a literal thinker myself.

In my experience it's a matter of getting to know the person and feeling comfortable around them before telling them about your problem.