Can't make friends (rant)

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The most dangerous people are the "nice" ones, especially in business. That's even more true if you have AS and are unable to spot the tell-tale signs that help others to identify when they're being deceived.

I'm lucky in that I feel I belong somewhere (where I live). For me, life is a journey. It's taken me a lot of time and toil to get to where I am, and even more to get to where I want to be in ten or twenty years time. A full social life (what I have at the moment is OK but up here I have no-one I can share my worries with outside my family), a nice woman and greater life and independence skills are the next things on the list. It's a long process but I will carry the day.

I know this isn't actually much help to you hale_bopp but life is a process. I'd probably need to meet you to best advise as to what to do.

It's probably the only thig relationship wise I want. I'm not interested in boyfriends. So you're saying that friends aren't worth it because most of them are "a***holes"?

I guess I cannot "accept" it, no. I cannot just be a no-mate and be happy.

I don't count co-workers as friends, either. And I would never date a co-worker because of the ethical issues I feel are involved.

Tim

I'm not saying you shouldn't try, just don't get your hopes up.

Hale_Bopp you're not the only one. I'm just not a likeable person either. I think it stems from deep rooted insecurities and fear of abandonment which has turned me bitter and empty. People like me shouldn't even try to socialize and pester other people with our evil problems. What's funny is that I've rejected the only "true" friends I had because of feeling like such a big failure to them.

It would be nice to see if anyone has any tips on how to turn this around... is there even any point in trying?

What kind of a sick world do we live in, when a hot woman like you can't find friends?

That's pretty glass half empty right there. I was asking for advice on how to improve myself so people will like me, not how I probably won't get friends and need to get over it.



My emptiness and bitterness has come from the way i've been treated by people. I really want to harness it and control it, but it's a vicious cycle, im bitter because people are mean, and people are mean because i'm bitter. I'm only bitter sometimes in real life, and rarely show it. Joining conversations is never easy, and ifI try I get told to go away. I'm pretty sure everyone is plotting against me (as in talking about me behind my back), and I can't get out of that mindset..

Prolonged bullying will do that to anyone, doesn't make it real though.

If you are willing to commit suicide over these people, than I would recommend getting over it.

Suicide is an illogical course of action.

Sorry I can't offer you advice on how to be likeable, but you seem to be bothered by the fact you have to act normal around them. And if you have to put on an act for them to like you, then can you see yourself doing it every time you encounter them?

Learn lots of good jokes.

hale, maybe people are talking behind your back since you have a strong personality and can be controversial. but that could also be paranoia and you're projecting your own hostility against others as their hostility towards you. it's often easier to feel that people are working against you since that in a weird way makes you feel important and special, instead of feeling that people don't think and talk about you for good or bad and are instead apathetic about you. and being aspie and not being able to read body language that well it's really hard not knowing what people think about you from body language feedback.

i often think too that people are making fun of me behind my back. and even if they are sometimes, it could never be as much i think in my head. and it's more comforting to think they do, than they don't talk about me that much. i guess it could be in my case some narcissist wants(which we all are to a certain degree) and egocentrism(which is aspie trait). and add depression to that and you imagine people thinking you are special in a bad way, since you can't fantom anyone seeing you in a good way since you hate yourself, even if that's not reality.

your perception might be entirely accurate, but then again it might not be. depression clouds perception greatly. and if you have people you trust you could try to find out if your perception is correct or inaccurate. some people probably do hate you and talk about you behind your back, but probably not as much as you think. and there is probably many people who don't.

How to improve myself so people will like me.

Lesson I.

You must learn to like and accept yourself, warts and all. You can't expect other people to like you if you don't like yourself. You can't expect other people to accept your shortcomings if you don't accept your shortcomings.

Exercise.

Make a list of 10 things you like about yourself. Then make a list of 10 things you don't like about yourself. Read each of the items on the second list and say to yourself, "It's okay, I'm just like that and it's okay. I'm going to embrace and accept that part of myself." I assure you, when you learn to like and accept yourself, certain other people will too, people who will be worthwhile friends. These things take time.

what works for me is using my skills to get liked
like
- i can cook a few things pretty good and i'll invite people to come to eat, people always like eating(+drinking)
- i'll give someone a drawing
- help someone if nobody else is (when the person is ill, sad, lonely,...)
- smile (people like to have goodhumoured people around)

and if in group and it doesn't work out, just try not to capture the attention (which is probably a bit difficult for you with your looks, maybe not accentuate them on days you don't feel sure of yourself), only listen, no speaking, no questions that reveal your attitude,
just let it pass, and wait for more comfortable situations
i don't mean you should never talk when in group but focus more on moments you feel good and don't attach too much value on moments you don't.