Always thinking the worst of people

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I do this with my closest friends.


I'll give ya an example. There are these two brothers from New York that I've known since the 7th or 8th grade. (I'm a sophmore at the University of Arizona) We've played games together, and confided all kinds of information in one another over the years. In fact, when they found out I was going to lose my computer for 2 months, they jumped up and surprised me with an overnight shipment of season 1 and 2 of "The Office" so I'd have something to do.

However, if they break routine, or don't return an IM ... I start thinking all kinds of screwed up things about how they aren't really my friends and s**t even though they are just not at their PC or something small like that.

With close friends I've gotten better since I reason it out .. but with smaller less matured friendships my brain just melts out my ear.

Yeah.. i believe this is so for me. Girly Girl your words are quite the same in my case. My best friend (also my ex) has always been there for me, even so far as the relationship she had with another guy after me she didn't do anything 'excessive' with him (snogging and what not) because she knew it would hurt me. But there are times when i think she doesn't care, she doesn't give a s**t and doesn't have my best interests at heart. It's almost as though i am in a state of near permenant ambivalance (feeling two conflicting emotions at the same time).

Is this state of ambivalance the same with everyone else with those you're really, really close to?

But yeah.. i'm extremely paranoid..

i tend to be really trusting of people when i first meet them and if someone is friendly to me from the start i give them the benifit of the doubt even when they don't deserve it. but if someone who i know but i am not friends with, e.g. someone in my class at school who i never speak to, even says hello to me or asks me how i am i presume they're doing to to make fun of me and that its some kind of joke that i'm missing.

I do have big trust issues with my best mate of 10 years. In the past few years we've become a good deal closer and know a lot more about each other. He's very passive and I feel like I have to do most of the work in our friendship. But as I think he's such a good mate it's worth it.

I used to be quite paranoid that he wasn't a real friend, but now I (sort of) understand what he's like, I do completely trust he is a friend. However, it takes very little for me to start feeling suspicious again, and I think I'm always just looking for signs that he doesn't really want to be my friend. He probably doesn't realise at times I need more reassurance, or maybe he does and reacts against it.

In general I am suspicious of people until I get to know them, and oddly enough I'm not paranoid about people who are more distant friends or acquaintances. I think the closer you are to someone the more difficult it is.