Do you get along better with members of the opposite sex?

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Haha, yeah, I thought as much

While I would love nothing more than to have a chance to raise a kid, I don't believe I could achieve all this, and my dream career, in a single life time. The main reason for this is that men have the luxury of being able to have kids at any age, where as women generally need to have kids before they are thirty years old, to avoid birth defects and complications. I've not set anything in stone, but I've pretty much decided I may have to miss out having kids, unfortunately, in order to be successful with any sort of career.

Wouldn't it be great if we could have more time to achieve more? Maybe one day I'll turn towards adoption instead.

Interesting, so did you ever tell any of your female friends of this fact? Or do you generally "suffer in silence?"

Have you ever had a friendship with a girl, who you were happy simply being friends with?

Yes but only if I lie to myself. Even if the friendship didn't start because I was sexually interested in a girl being friends MAKES me sexually interested in them. My "ideal woman" slowly turns into them. That said this is only for intense relationships with lots of interaction with high frequency. There was a girl in college who friend-zoned me who's company I quite enjoyed and I was friends with her and her boyfriend for a while and the sexual desire dissipated as I focused on other girls. Sadly I accidentally sabotaged the relationship by becoming depressed and going incommunicado for about 6 months and when I woke up and tried to repair the bridges there was nothing left. Interestingly, I think the friendship on her end may have been partially motivated by sexual desire. I got the feeling she was very interested and in retrospect realized that before I was formally friendzoned she had actually given me several opportunities to pursue her sexually. After a few months of no-contact sexual feelings tend to fade and so in the same way as my best friend in my first college was no longer appealing to me when the desire faded so to with the girl who I was friends with in my second, but this time going the other way.

Part of my problem is that I'm obsessed with finding a life partner. I'm decidedly uninterested in one time encounters and am terrified of having a potential mate turn into a one night stand, it's actually kind of a problem on my end because I have unrealistic expectations. But when I find someone whose sense of humor meshes with mine, who accepts my faults and who pushes me to be better, do more, and helps me fight against the thrall of indolence than I develop feelings for that person. Some girls strike me as particularily attractive or peculier which grabs my attention. TBH I do not know how to make friends and so I pursue girls for dating most of the time. I don't go out of my way to get to know 90% of people and so I usually don't try and build relationships with girls I'm not attracted to. On the flip side I'm also not good at maintaining male friends because I just don't think about them very often and when I do I have no idea how to have a conversation without a goal unless they help initiate / perpetuate it. Furthermore those male friends forget about me once they have girls to pursue.

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When I was in high school I had asked several friends to read through their text messages to see what they were always texting each other about (it was drug trades) but they were unwilling to let me read their messages and so I never learned what NT text message communication looks like in order to imitate it. I still don't understand the causality that leads to longer conversations. I also apparently interact with the internet differently from NT's because they are always finding diverse and interesting things to share, but when I go on the internet I find a few things and then hours and hours have passed. EG I'm a fairly new member but I have 200 posts. I also read most of the new updates but I suspect that most only follow one or two posts. Others also "skim" (something I don't understand) in order to get the gist qickly and move on to something else. I also usually just sit for a few minutes letting the information process after reading something without realizing it and I think this takes up a lot of my time.

That brings up another good question: which is worse? Getting friendzoned or bro-zoned? I broke up with my gf as college years were ending and decided to take a chance on another young lady who was leaving school at the same time and was likewise recently single. All I got out of it was a big, obnoxious "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww!! !" and "dude, you're just like my brother!" We parted ways a week later, I reconnected with my college sweetheart from my undergrad days, and never looked back. But at the time I was deeply disturbed by the whole "just like a brother" thing. The friendzone thing just seemed to be understood between me and most young women and I never felt the urge to push it. But what about that whole bro-zone?

:phear:

Bro-zone is what happens when they have to intentionally repress their sexual feelings for you for an extended period of time. They will also confide things to you they would never confide to a boyfriend. For example a friend of mine confided being molested by a dorm-mate. A boyfriend is basically required to fight that guy, a bro-friend can, but only on request. The lesser version of "friendzone" basically means that they were never attracted to you in the first place or that they aren't really all that attached to you as a friend.

to be bro-zoned is still better than being pesky-bro-zoned.

Hart, I recommend you read the 2 child free boards I know of: www.thechildfreelife.com and bratfree.com. Bratfree is more radical whereas TCFL is nicer. Many people on them say they do NOT regret NOT having children and since I am over 50, I can tell you that I really don't regret it either, though it may be different for a guy.

What I have found when people get married and especially after having kids that their social life goes to the potty. It is all discussion about diapers, potty chairs and potty training and who has more kindercrap in their yard and what a gross bore.

Kindercrap: The plastic equipment found in the yards of most parents, usually with the Playskool and Little Tykes labels that cost you good money and eventually ends up in the middle of the Pacific ocean forever.

the closest mere mortals can get to agape, is via parenthood.

Generally yes, until I fall in love with them.

Wow, sounds like this is something you've been battling with for some time.

If it helps though, I find that everyone struggles with this stuff, even NTs. Dating's something I've obsessively tried to understand for some time. Most people don't realise it, but the odds of finding the perfect mate, is actually quite difficult. Many times a relationship is more about compromise.

The largest problem I find with dating, is that firstly, guys and girls generally go through different processes, and life stages. This makes finding someone, who also wants what you want, when you want it, hard.

The other problem, is that you can't simply date one person, and expect every other person after them to be the same. Everyone's different, which means if something you did was appreciated in one relationship, it may not be in another. Which means for every person you date, you have to pretty much learn the manual on what makes them tick, all over again.

There are just so many complications, and factors to consider. Makes my head hurt sometimes, and I sometimes struggle to understand what's going on, until long after it's over. But talking about it helps to understand it

Haha, thanks for that

Yes, I do worry about falling in to the same traps, as you've described above. I feel having children isn't the same as it used to be. Kids expect more from parents, and once they grow up, parents are generally forgotten. As much as I'd love to have the chance to raise a kid, that thought puts me off. I'd hate to dedicate my life to raising kids, only to end up alone, in a retirement home, wondering why they never visit. Obviously this isn't necessarily how it will be, but it's a concern. I suppose if I ever did have kids, I would be rather adamant in raising them to properly, to avoid such issues. But yes. I do agree with you...it would take over your life; it's basically a career.

I get along better with people of the same sex. However, they cannot be manly men. They have to be the non-dominant intellectual type like me (nerds basically). This is a change that took place after I grew up. Most of my friends early in life were female.

Is it just me or do most people find men easier to get along with? Most women I interact with say that they prefer male friends. Rarely do people say they prefer female friends.

Yes, I've noticed that too. I myself feel it's because most of the time, men are more easy going, and fun. Hanging out with women usually involves sitting down, and talking about other people.

Most of the friends I had in high school were male because I found the majority of the females to be unbearably irritating. There was far too much nonsensical and irrelevant drama and all they ever talked about was make-up, hair, clothes, boys, parties, celebrities and school gossip. All of which I find to be incredibly boring.

I've experienced some issues with male friendship before (people getting the wrong idea, weird dynamics to navigate) but I still appreciate the idea as I typically feel more comfortable around men. I feel as though there isn't as much drama and that there's less expectations and rules for social interaction.

Well said

As a child my best friend was a boy and I got on well with the boys at school. I was also a bit tom-boyish. Unfortunately I went to an all girls high school, so I spent a lot of time around girls and women. In my twenties I've been around both. I pick on that attraction thing as well, regarding guys and it being more complicated to be friends with them as adults.