Laughing at me because I'm "cute"?

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I actually can see cute being an insulting thing to say. It isn't outwardly insulting, because as people have said further up in this thread, the word cute has a positive connotation and is generally a good thing. But it can also be a dismissive thing to call someone, and saying someone is being cute CAN be a way to sugarcoat a comment that would normally be insulting. Like, picture all those videos where cats do silly things like run into a sliding glass door or accidentally fall off of a ledge because they weren't paying attention. We would call THOSE things cute because they are silly and vaguely stupid, but in a way that makes a person feel fondly towards them. Like saying "you're dumb, but I still like you" So for a kitten, it's fine to be cute in this way. For a human being, not so fun.

But the other side of this is that sometimes cute is a wholeheartedly complimentary thing to say. It doesn't HAVE to mean anything demeaning at all, sometimes it means something or someone is plain old endearing without being silly or a little stupid. It can even be a kind of attraction you have romantically, of course...

The confusing thing is that the meaning depends on how the person using the word meant it at the time. It can be all positive, or vaguely negative either one. And in the case of the girl you kind of like, it's possible that WAS flirting, but it might not have been. Maybe some people have an easier time telling the difference than I do, but in my own case I would likely either come right out and ask about their meaning or else make a sarcastic remark like "gee thanks, what guy doesn't want to be cute?" That is a bit aggressive to do though, and most people are not used to having their motives openly questioned. If you ask a person point blank what they meant by "cute," then it might be a little unnerving to them, and even if it isn't they may not really even KNOW what they meant by it. Lots of NTs aren't used to analyzing their own behavior as much as we do.

So I think the solution is somewhere between trust on one hand, and frank honest communicating on the other. In the case of your mother, I doubt very much that she meant to call you cute with an insulting connotation. Another common thing about Aspies is that some of the ways that we think or communicate may seem perfectly ordinary to us, but to so called "normal" people they are surprising and off the wall... which is a fundamental part of things being funny. So maybe she was honestly just amused with your manner and your reply when you were nervous, because she would have reacted differently if it was her. That kind of cute is definitely a good thing, and it's a way to celebrate and enjoy our differences.

I personally think it's likely that the first example was the same sort of thing... The girl that I like makes similar comments sometimes because when I type about something I am interested in, I tend to get long winded (which I am sure you couldn't tell, given the book I am writing to you now haha). She was actually even careful to NOT joke about it so as not to risk offending me, but when I realized how much more I usually type than she does, I broke the ice myself and said

"you know, I realized the other day that I basically never say ANYTHING without writing a freaking essay about it."

And she laughed and agreed, but also took the chance to tell me it wasn't bad and she doesn't mind reading through ALLL that typing that I do. In this case she could rightly call me "cute" and it would be totally a term of endearment. But again, it required both the trust that I have for her, (knowing that she cares about me and doesn't want to insult me and doesn't think poorly of me as a person) AND the communication for me to let her know that I am open to laughing about our difference in that area. If you find yourself wondering whether someone you care about meant to be insulting or demeaning... then I think it is important to be open and honest with them about that. And really doing so will give THEM the chance to be more kind to you than they could before by affirming the way that you feel about comments.

This. It's not meant to be insulting but in a way the other person is being entertained by your behavior because in each scenario, your responses were unexpected for the situation, even if you weren't meaning to consciously appear different. This is a typical way that NT people respond to something unusual happening in social situations - they will find it humorous. Cute in these instances is a synonym for endearing/quirky.

It depends on the way they say it.
Cute doesn't always mean something nice. I remember the venomous, sarcastic way my stepmother would say 'very cute', to me. The way she said it, it meant something like 'I would like to stab you to death and then throw your corpse to the cess pit rats'.

Most of the time when someone says that to you they mean it in a very positive way. As in they find your personality and the way you present yourself as very positive and welcomed.

The exception is if someone's trying (or not) to act as if they were smarter/better then those people around them calling their actions cute (like 'cute Mary, really cute' ... as in offensive). It can be used in both context's and you can usually tell which one by the tone of their voice, the actions you're taking at the time and the weaknesses that plague the other person and don't want to be schooled on their own weaknesses cuz they feel bad enough as it is that they have that weakness.

Most people don't like to be spoken to in a manner that is degrading to them (like spending 20 minutes ranting about quantum mechanics when you know the person has limited knowledge of science, it's easy for them to interpret that as you acting like 'i'm better then you, why don't you go learn science dummy').

It's cuz quite simply NT's don't know how aspies function and that we just love to talk about something that interests us and when the NT is being confronted with a rant about something they're not as familiar or knowledgeable about it's construed in an offensive manner because they dont WANT to in my example be less scientifically literate (it's something that they might hate on themselves for not knowing more about and having someone go on about it in their face if they don't know your an aspie is a pretty clear indication to them that you're trying to brag that you're better).

I'd say it's best to rant on something you love sure, but pause frequently to let them try to respond and judge for yourself whether what you're saying is something that they aren't as educated about or not. If they don't understand you or respond with vague responses because of their lack of knowledge on that topic then continuing to rant to them is going to make them feel self-concious and hurt that they're not as informed. At that point even though you want to keep ranting on about something you love try and think of the NT's feeling's and that continuing on might very well be hurting them.

Saying 'that's cute' is the polite way that most (not all) NTs are trying to let you know that what you're doing is making them uncomfortable/hurt and they just don't want to have to keep thinking about that flaw about themselves. It's actually a good indication that the person does like and value you because it's the most polite way of asking someone to stop doing something that's upsetting the other person. If they truly were just repulsed with your action's they wouldn't shroud it with a positive comment to try and give you a hint that you're making them uncomfortable.

NTs who aren't true friend's will say it because they're jealous and they think they're the smarter one's by acting so snide and its pretty easy to tell if they're intent is malicious or an attempt to politely ask you to stop because you're hurting their feeling's.

It could of course be as simple as someone telling you that you're cute, which i'd love to hear (cuz it's never happened lol)

You didn't control the speed or tone of your voice to hide some of your enthusiasm in the first story.
Most adults censor themselves to prevent anyone from forming a negative opinion of them.
In the second scenario, your dentist most likely already picked up on how you felt, most people that go to the dentist dread it.
The dentist asked a question which he did not need a response to, which of course was a waste of time.
For you not to pick up on that was childlike because apparently once we become adults we throw away all the rules of language.
Situations like this aggravate me to no end.

I suspect it means "weird in a cute way" here. And that makes some people laugh.

Pure speculation: Weird is usually considered bad by many people. When they see something weird but they actually can't find or feel anything wrong with it, they consider it cute. Summed up it may be anywhere from slightly good to slightly bad.

Your body language and tone of voice caused them to feel positive emotions, and they enjoyed the way you looked when you said it. Imagine you're in a movie and you're viewing yourself from your mom's perspective. You see yourself saying those things and having a certain body language that causes you to laugh (as your mom).

When you're having trouble try to visualize how you looked and what you said from someone elses perspective in the room.

Your body language, the situation, and the look on you face when you said it was a humorous situation. The situation itself was funny (aka, no one is being laughed 'at'). Think of when someone does something stupid but in an adorable way that causes people to feel good/giggle, that was you in the dentist office.

First it starts off as being something like being friendly and fresh then, it turns into being slammed as though it's for my own good.