I think one of my best friends is racist. What do I do?

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You have clearly spent considerable mental energy coming up with that idiotic opinion. Racist jokes are racist, racist stereotypes are racist, racist discrimination is racist, and racist apologetics are idiotic. If you can't even understand the quote that you just posted, then remove yourself from polite company because people will react with justified post-judice if you tell stupid racist jokes and then try to explain how cool they are.

Well, the th text I listed says that prejudice is the emotional response to stereotypes taken in the extreme, but it reaffirms that the three concepts can exist independantly, meaning you can have stereotypes without racism, but stereotypes in the extreme CAN lead to racism, which would make your initial point sorta right.

Though you see stereotypes all over culture and television, which i why I don't think it's a bad thing (at least not entirely), but when you take it to an extreme and clarify that ALL of these people are this way, then that's when it becomes racist/bigoted, the degradation here is that they're trying to shoe-horn the belief that all of these people only act in a certain way which really de-humanizes them, but I don't think it's the assumption that the stereotype makes, since the stereotype is interested in entertainment at the foremost and not to show that this one group can only act in this way.

Bigotry in general pervades entertainment because people don't stand up to it.

Getting back to the original point of this thread, though, I just remembered this pertinent song.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4_COOh4VXw[/youtube]

What is often seen as racism is actually some sort of cultural issue. Have you sorted out if your friend's issue is really about physical race, or the culture sometimes associated with race?

I'd almost forgotten that song. It's a beauty.

To the topic, yes he's a bigot and a racist. I'd feel very uncomfortable being around him. If you have told him that his behaviour is unacceptable (and it is) and his response is to amplify his efforts, sadly, he's also a dick.
It's sad when people show their true colurs like this.

Like, by racists who perpetuate derogatory stereotypes about the culture of people with a different skin color.

Thanks for all the advice, everyone.

There are two difficult things about this...first of all, it's going to be nearly impossible to get him to CHANGE his behavior. I think if I tried, it would be interpreted as me just trying to start a fight. He doesn't really take much advice from me unless it's on something he KNOWS I'm good at (like cooking or writing or something like that), so I doubt he'd listen to me on social skills (he knows I'm Autistic, and HE'S Neurotypical, and I've come to him multiple times for social skills advice).

I think he still sees me as a little kid. When we met, I was thirteen and had the social and emotional maturity of an eight-year-old, and HE was eighteen. I'm starting to catch up to him now, but I think he'll always see me as a little kid. When I press the issue, he might just think I'm trying to start an argument or give him a hard time, and if we fight it will probably just make him even less likely to change his behavior.

Regarding the most recent incident, I did tell him that I think he should have at least apologized and that his behavior hurt people who were already beaten down and sick of that kind of crap from their entire lives...but he didn't listen. Also, one time when he saw a black person and started making black jokes I told him he seemed racist and he said "So? Maybe I am." But he may have been joking--I can't always tell with him, or people in general. Another time he said that everyone's a little bit of a pedophile but when I freaked out (because I thought he was a pedophile) he said he'd just been joking.


The other hard thing is that he's so good in so many other ways...he's one of those people who will go way out of his way to do something he's completely not obligated to do to help someone, even if he's not super close with that person. He was there for me when I was recovering from some really messed up stuff and had to deal with a lot of crap from me, and now he's helping another friend with some really difficult stuff. I'm emotionally attached to him and I know there are a lot of good things about him and that he doesn't HAVE to be racist, so I'd hate to end the friendship for any reason. Then again, I've always considered racism a dealbreaker, and he's way to young to "get away" with being racist.


Ideally, I could find some way to get him to change his behavior without it backfiring and without losing the friendship. Otherwise, I don't know what I'm going to do...you're right that I might be seen as guilty by association. Sacrip, your comments make sense too (about people who are otherwise good people also being racist) and I've seen that in him...but since he is such a good person, I feel like he shouldn't HAVE to be racist, even if he's stubborn sometimes. I know another person who's good and has recognized some racist tendencies in himself and is trying to correct that so he won't be racist anymore. It's not perfect but at least he recognizes that it's wrong and wants to fix it and not hurt people...could my friend be like that?

In a post above, I asked if his real problem was truly physical race or culture. That is relevant, since you might be able to use yourself as a metaphors. That is, if his problem is discomfort with the physiological differences, you could give him your perspective and feelings about how you are treated. Then, map that to race. If, his problem is cultural, you might use the same technique. That way, you can use your friendship with him to provide him with a better view.

I can't help but assume that he's an aspie as well. I'm also going to asume that he was bullied allot and that many of his bullies were not white. It' s so easy to gain hard feelings for someone of another race this way and it's much easier than to simply hate everyone. Basically using race as a scapegoat and making himself feel better about being white so that he doesn't have to deal with his personal problems sounds like what he's doing.
...IDK, just an assumption.

^People do this a lot for racists. I don't know why they should get more consideration than other bullies.


I'm going to assume that it's just white people who do that for racists.

What do you mean. Non white people are always justifying racism against white people. I've even heard such things like "one can't be racist towards white people because they're the majority". Basically meaning,that one can express hate for white people and not be racist! It's atrocious that I had to grow up hereing that crap from the ultra liberal educators I had. These people actually caused white kids like me to be bullied even more than we already had been. I could go on about all the anti white racist bullying instances I had while growing up, but then my post would go on for 10 pages!

Physical appearences very rarely are the reason for disliking a particular race. In this case it definately is not. This guy has issues with different cultures of people of different races...ie, he likes pointing out the negative things about these cultures.

It sounds like you had a lot of trouble growing up, Al725, and it sounds like you grew up under unusual circumstances. Racism, by definition, is institutional. However, bigots come in all colors and I oppose them every time I can.

You have a valid point, though, when you mention that some people in any category will always make excuses for haters in their own category. I'll retract my comment about white people, but I still consider it absurd to make excuses for haters. My own unusual circumstances probably led me to see more of it coming from white people.

No, he's not Autistic. In fact, he's the most Neurotypical person I know who ACTUALLY talks to me (plus, in my experience, Autistic people have been less likely to be racist than Neurotypicals, but again, that's just the ones I know). He WAS bullied when he was younger (I'm pretty sure everyone gets bullied at some point) but I don't see what that has to do with him being racist or why that changes the situation now. There is never an excuse, especially for someone as young as he is who grew up KNOWING that racism is wrong.

SoftwareEngineer, I did say that I don't think it's cultural because he does that with ALL the nonwhite people, not just one, which suggests that he's not got an issue with any specific culture. Since I don't know what it's like to be a minority color in this culture, I have issues comparing it to my own experiences, even though I'm a different kind of minority (Autistic, Pagan, LGBT, etc.). I guess that's also an Autism-related issue there...even when I try to put myself in other people's shoes, it doesn't always work because I wouldn't always feel or think or react the same way that others would to a given situation.

I geuss I thought he was an aspie because he actually said that asian parent remark to an asian. I geuss he either has antisocial personality problems or he was just being a jerk.
Being bullied does have allot to do with it if allot of his bullies have been nonwhite. I also think you'd be surprised at how many aspies belong to neo nazi white nationionalist groups. Afterall, white kids with aspergers who live in urban areas are very often victimized by black and hispanic bullies. They are more vulnerable than NT whites,since they act different and don't have many friends. My personal ecperience confirms this.

It can go both ways. Sometimes it is necessary for survival. If I'm walking down the street and see a large group of black teens with sagging pants, I will probably cross the street to avoid them. I think most people including other black people would do this. Furthermore, I've had so many near accidents with drivers that just happened to be asian that I'm extra cautious when I see encounter an asian driver. I have nothing against these races as a whole, but on the other hand, I'm not about to risk my life just so I can be p.c.
I usually don't go talking about these things and niether do most people but one can't deny reality. We are not all the same and there are definately plenty of racial differences that go far deeper then skin color.