"We should catch up sometime"

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I can't stand this
at least for jobs it seems so disingenuous! Just let us know if we've "won" an interview or not!

I'm more confused than ever.

After well over a year of not speaking to me, he sent me a message. He said that he missed me, said that I was attractive and "always have been", and said that he was drunk and I should ignore his message if it was inappropriate.

I had no idea how to respond. No one has ever called me attractive before and I definitely did not expect to hear it from him. While I was trying to figure out if it was a mean joke or not, he messaged me again. The messages were through an app that deletes them soon after you read them. He apologized and said he didn't remember what he had said in the previous message.

I have never been anywhere even close to being drunk so I have no idea how it really affects a person. I'm suspicious about all of it, but especially him calling me attractive. I don't know. I'm so confused.

Hi PastIsPrologue,

Ignore him. This would be the safest option. Although apparently he finds you physically attractive and has no problem expressing that when he's drunk, it sounds like he has little or no respect for you as a person.

Actually, if I received these two texts from him, it would confirm my suspicion that my life is better off without him. As in, he's not friendship material. He can't even take enough responsibility to admit what he's apologizing for. So it sounds like you've just received closure to me. I'd leave it there.

He doesn't deserve a reply from you. If you did reply, then he would most likely ignore you ... Not worth it, because then you'd be left hanging again. Your silence will speak volumes.

When it comes to friends, you can do better.

...

Okay so I'm sorry to be blunt here, but there's only one way to interpret this situation.

This guy has had a crush on you but has also been dating or talking to other girls. The way he is hoping this will play out is that he will be able to have a physical relationship with you, or a "friends with benefits" situation, while leaving himself open to date another person as a "real" relationship. I assume this would not be acceptable to you, as it wouldn't be fair to you.

Here are my takeaways from this:
-Your assessment that you're not attractive is incorrect. Obviously you are and just can't see that. If this guy is trying to trick you into having a no strings attached physical relationship with him, that means you're pretty.
-You're a nice person, which is why this is so confusing to you. You wouldn't try to trick someone like this, so it's confusing to identify when another person is doing it.

I would just walk away from the situation. If he directly comes up to you again, on social media or however, I would directly ask him, "Are you flirting with me?" Or "Are you trying to ask me out?" That will deflate his balloon, and make it clear that you are the kind of person that requires a proper, clear, dating relationship. I assume that is the case. You could also ask, "I thought we were friends, do you want to be more than friends?"

I bet there are REAL people who want to be your friend, but just don't know how to go about it.

Is it possible that he was actually so drunk that he forgot what he messaged me? As I said, I don't drink and don't really know what alcohol does to a person.

Or is it possible he just said I was attractive and didn't mean it? Because that's the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around. I am not attractive at all. I have very bad skin and teeth and hair and an unfathomably unfeminine body. There's a reason that this is the first time anyone has ever said that I was attractive in any capacity. He has no problem telling girls that they're attractive. I think I mentioned the incident where he told our classmate that she was pretty while the three of us were walking together. So him calling me attractive was either sincere, a lie, or a drunken exaggeration.

I should mention that we live over five hours away from each other now. Ignoring the almost guaranteed impossibility of him wanting to be "friends with benefits" (even though he hasn't tried to maintain a friendship with me in over a year), logistically that would be very impractical. He also has a girlfriend, apparently, although their relationship is no longer listed on his Facebook profile (it's listed on hers). I don't know. Again ignoring the impossibility of liking me in a physical way, he just doesn't seem like the kind of person to have sexual flings. But I know as little about that sort of thing as I know about being drunk.

I responded to his messages right after he sent them to me because he seemed really distressed about having possibly said something "weird" or "inappropriate" that he didn't remember. I told him not to worry. I didn't want him to be upset. Before he stopped responding to my messages 12+ months ago, he was very nice and funny and someone I really wanted to be friends with. I don't understand flirtation at all, but I am fairly positive that there was no instances of it or hints of attraction prior to the alleged drunken message.

None of this really makes sense to me, but I really appreciate everyone's input. I don't know why he stopped talking to me or why he sent me that message. I don't know what I did wrong.

Everyone in the world has someone who finds them attractive. Just because you don't see what he's finding attractive in you, doesn't mean it's not there. I could always be wrong, but this situation sounds like a classic guy having a secret crush on his friend thing to me.

I don't think you've done anything wrong. I think your friend's weird behavior is his own fault, not yours.

To answer you, yes it's possible, tho it depends on the person's tolerance levels etc.

However, on balance and in this situation, I'd say he's engaging in a damage limitation exercise. He's embarrassed so he's more than likely lying.
Obviously I cannot be 100% about that but having been at the receiving end of drunken texts sent in the early hours myself, followed by the subsequent retraction, I'm reasonably confident he's lying.

Usually to not know what you were doing involves copious amounts of alcohol that leads to black out territory. When I've been in those moments it's safe to say I'd have trouble seeing my keyboard, leave alone send a message.

My guess? He put out feelers. He was interested but not brave enough to put himself on the line and face a possible rejection. So he tried the "friend" route. Whatever your responses were, he took them as lacking encouragement.
It appears he's not forgotten you tho if he's five hours away, I fail to see his present motive.

You didn't do anything wrong, tho. And if this sorta thing happens again, don't be afraid to ask for clarity. Beats being confused imo.

: )

Hahaha! I want there to be friendship surveys!! ! That would be so convenient! There should be a romantic subsection:

If you have ever kissed this person, please choose the box that most closely indicates why:

a. As an entirely non-romantic greeting
b. Because I was feeling lonely and I know that she won't reject me
c. Because I genuinely like her and would be interested in a romantic relationship
d. I don't know. It just seemed like a good idea.
e. Other. Please provide explanation below.

But in all seriousness, that sounds frustrating and confusing. As somebody who certainly isn't very good at these things, it sounds like perhaps he might have had a bit of a crush on you. I think that asking somebody to go to the movies tends to be an indication of that. Along with texting at night (particularly if its multiple back and forth texts rather than just a single joke). But I also think it sounds like he might have moved on. Probably just because of lack of physical proximity. This is just me hypothesizing- please don't take me too seriously

Also, I bet that you're a wonderful person and interesting in lots of ways- just prolly really awkward.

Oops! Sorry! I didn't finish reading all the messages before I sent my response! Yeah, if he's sending you drunk texts like that then he definitely likes you. And if he's blaming what he's said on being drunk than that means that he's embarrassed and doesn't have the self-confidence to own up to what he said. Especially if you didn't respond to the text, he'd be likely to do that. I don't like to admit it particularly, but I've done similar things before. Just because I didn't think the other person liked me and I didn't want to put myself out on a limb. Now I realize that you shouldn't do that- makes the other person feel bad. Anyways, you haven't done anything wrong I don't think. He clearly thought you were attractive though. I'm not saying that you should follow up on it. It doesn't sound like he's been particularly clear or courteous about it.

I'm curious if the OP is still Facebook Friends with this person. If so, can they view this person's friends list and while doing so, consider whether the list is of people this person is known to be connected with in 'real life' or if there are other random people added.

This person might have a screwy notion of wanting to remain networked with people from his school. Maybe graduation actually pushed them out of a known comfort zone where he was popular and now he's just another nobody out in the world. Could this be a strange way he's recreating his school life dynamic by messaging the OP and perhaps many other people from school?

Anyway, unless he more clearly explains himself while sober, he should probably just be ignored.