Why won't my coworkers add me on Facebook?

Post Reply New Topic

People are social creatures, their social status matters a lot as well. It's often that certain people will talk to me at work but they do not want to seen associating with me beyond mere politeness in the workplace. Consequently I have lots of acquaintances who openly profess they like me to my face but just so happen to never ever invite me to any kind of social function where I might taint their reputation. Unfortunately a lot of very socially driven people are like that. It confuses me a lot because they are talking about these social gatherings that clearly a lot of work people are attending in front of me but no-one ever extends the invitation to include me. Likewise you might be surprised to learn that their facebook 'friends' aren't friends as such but a form of being seen with the right connections. They may not even like these people they are friending but doing it for networking purposes of being seen as part of the cool crowd.

Many types of human relations are quite dis-ingenuous like that. You have to realise that a lot of people's jobs rely on their ability to play politics, no not even that, just their ability to come across to as many people as possible as pleasing, socially acceptable etc. Facebook is a way of measuring someone's social status and the more friends a person has, the more people they attract. I am not on Facebook for this very reason.

It's hurtful yes. But when I view it through the lens of them needing their social status more than I do then I can kind of forgive them and not worry about it. I've been outside of social circles for so long that I probably think it's easier to live that way than it really is. My lifestyle would send social types to the grave in short order. It takes very thick skin and a tenacious loyalty to ones own values to do it.

I've worked at my workplace for over a year. Despite my awkwardness, I'm rather friendly with everyone and I at least seem to feel that everyone's friendly with me. Not a single one of them has sent me a request on Facebook, but to be fair, it's not like I've ever asked them to or sent them requests of my own. I think most people see online and IRL relationships as two totally different spectrums.

The problem is not with them. It is your own mind creating the situation. Never seek or expect the validation or approval of others. They do not owe you anything. It is not an outside the mind situation. Nothing is, EVER. It is always an inside the mind situation. You cannot control the thoughts, actions or words of others, but you can always control your reaction, simply by realizing that everything is an inside the mind situation. When you allow yourself to be insulted or angered by the actions of others, those others will always own you. When you learn to control your reaction to what happensout there, you own everything that is relevant in life.

Which would still come across as dubious if they have more than 600 facebook friends for example.

As if they know all of them so well personally.

That's what I thought by reading the OP post.

Are these 'friends' from work who won't add you or just other employees that you don't really interact with? Also could be some of these newer people just have happened to interact with these employees more....I mean I probably would not add someone on facebook unless I had interacted with them and we got along in that context anyways.

I know this post is as old as hell, but I have the EXACT same problem.

It actually really upsets you, especially when you try and be friendly to people. Maybe they just don't think we are "normal" or seem annoying or "off".

I don't think it will ever stop hurting no matter what job you have, the most you can do is try to avoid looking at who other people have added, and try not to worry about why they have/haven't and to get on with your life.

This post is worth reading for those who have been in the OP's situation.

How I see it is quite scary though, they're all pleasant to your face and they won't add you when they add other people. It brings out the true falsehood of real life actions. I have a problem with this more than their actions on facebook to be honest.

Maybe they're afraid to be judged negatively for friending a person with an autism spectrum disorder.

The media has been unjustly giving us a bad name for quite a while, as it's the number one psychiatric disorder to be linked by high-class media psychologists to freshly caught serial killers or bombers in news articles.

Great response. This is the reason why I don't even use FB anymore. As far as work is concerned, it is better not to have work people on your FB anyway. It's too risky and who wants people to have that much personal info about you. It can be used against you at anytime, so as far as I am concerned they did you a huge favor.

Also, Hale_Bopp I wanted to add that I just watched your youtube video with the mask and LOVED it!! !! I want to learn how to make one. I always LOVED paper mâché but have not made anything in years.

You are beautiful by the way and seem "normal" to me. Never question yourself because I can tell just by your video that you are a sweet, kind, and loving person. Who wants to be normal anyway. Normal is just anither word for boring.

Send me a message if you can about the mask. I so love it!! !

If a coworker does a Facebook invitation, especially if his/her working location is the same as mine, I will accept it.

If I invite a colleague, he/she is free to accept or to ignore it. I will respect whatever he/she does. If he/she does reject me, or disabled new invitations, that is okay. It won't change the working relation between him/her and I anyhow. I already have many colleagues as Facebook friends and that is fine. More are welcome, but if they don't want to, that is not a problem at all.

Your user name, "iluvgod" may be a clue.

If you're the type of believer who peppers his or her every conversation with religious references and buzzwords, that may put people off - especially those who have been 'burned' in the past by judgemental religious hypocrites.

I work for a large employer, am very well known and have been here for almost a decade. To this date I have exactly zero coworkers who have added me on FB (two former coworkers did). I honestly don't know what I could be doing wrong but I have pretty much given up trying to figure out what it is. Someone told me I "post too much" but I might post a few times a year, usually about hockey or some neat activity I did. I don't think that's unreasonable, especially since one guy posted anti-meat eater propaganda daily.