Why were their attitudes snippy?

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It sounds like you have a supportive boss, Summer_Twilight. That's a very good thing.

I guess it's a typical case of being there only for the money, not liking their jobs in the slightest and seeing every interaction with their job subject (autistic people in this case) as overworking.

I have attended a lot of these conferences (not on this topic, but regardless of topic they all operate pretty similarly in my experience). It's actually awkward for everyone. I'm NT and I used to find them really awkward and not a socially welcoming experience. What changed for me was speaking at the conferences and becoming one of those people that others gravitate toward and I'm now reasonably well known so I almost always know someone else there that I can chat with.

What you did to that woman in the bathroom was socially aggressive and pretty rude. You don't know what her issues are. She could be on the spectrum too for all you know. She could be chronically shy. She could have just experienced a loss or not feeling very well or goodness knows what. She doesn't have to speak to you.

Also you can wear whatever you want, but if you want to be seen as a professional and engage as a professional in a new environment you need to look the part. It's not wrong it's part of the non-verbal communication.

They were there for professional reasons and were prepared to network with others in their fields, have professional chitchat, etc. You appeared to be an interloper and they were uncomfortable with that. People in social work sometimes freak a bit if "clients" turn up at what are supposed to be professional meetings; teachers don't really believe that anyone but teachers understand teaching, etc. You tried to ignore all those boundaries and they weren't interested in reciprocating.

I think most people avoid talking to others or making eye contact in public bathrooms. People don't usually want to be sociable with strangers while they're peeing or just done peeing. Not a party zone.

I remember once in the lavatory, some kook started yelling at me while he was tinkling, he didn't like my long hair. kept calling me names.

I know the type and can't stand those people. Most of them are nothing but shallow d-bags with nothing worthwhile to offer anyone, they are just hollow shells. They remind me of the theme song from the show "Weeds" that goes "they were all made out of ticky-tacky and they all looked just the same". They use their fancy jobs, rich husbands, houses, cars etc. to make up for the fact that they have nothing inside but a void.

I dealt with a few shallow caregivers who provided respite before I moved out on my own

The first one told me that she felt that God put her on this earth to care for other people. Then I when I stayed with them they made and broke promises to my the family member who I stayed with. They also left me in a really dangerous situation because of who they were.

The second one was more trained and did a better job. At the end though they were more interested in spending time Going to dinner, helping, or hanging with their "Circle of friends" instead of taking me to places like the store to buy things, get my hair done and in one case help me get rid of the water in my family member's basement. They made some excuse that I was dealing with inches of water while others were in feet.

I liked the second provider a lot and I was blind to the type of shallowness they really were. They abandoned me over a silly reason too. I had basically made plans to see a movie and even that required being penciled into a calendar like a meeting.

Working with them felt awkward. Long story short the day came to catch the movie and I was at the theater earlier and caught another show first since it was one of those value cinemas. I even called. Long story short I never heard from them during the meeting time so I just kept watching until the movie ended. I found out that my caregiver had a panic attack and called the mall security and had them scout for me. So they refused to work with me due to some liability crap or so they said. They also turned really nasty too and said and did ugly things.

I had wondered why they acted like that about a movie in the first place until recently. I came to realization that they were not there for me. They went because they thought they would be getting paid to watch one of their favorite movies. So they were mad when they did not get with smooth ride and therefore took it out on me.

I don't like most of the so-called therapists, teachers, etc. that deal with autism. As a whole, I find most could care LESS about the true feelings of autistics and more about FIXING them to be NT. I have spent quite a lot of time with them and find that they really talk from both sides of their mouths…i.e. they will talk some BS about acceptance, but as soon as you are an ADULT with autism, they treat you like crap…

My suggestion? Stay away from them.