Is it necessary to have a "connection" to form a true

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My guess is that over thinking this topic isn't going to lead to definite answers. In my experience, a "connection" with someone just falls into place. It's not immediate and not completely effortless, but you just click with another individual like opposite sides of a buckle.
I do believe that is necessary for a real friendship.

As for perception vs reality, no one fits the bill. You can ferret out the majority mindview, but that doesn't guarantee its authenticity.

Some things happen on a subconscious, or intuitive level. You can reason it out or even rationalize it, but I don't think this is how to truly understand it. It's just a different part of the brain, perhaps.

It is not over thinking....It was just a question that I decided to ask, and it developed into a discussion.

No, that is not what I meant at all about being misunderstood. It seems, like you clearly misunderstood me.

Thank you for commenting.

I don't think anyone exists for the purpose of being misunderstood. I think some people need more time to be understood, and not all people have the patience or inclination to give these types of people the time and space to be understood.

The people I have had the most connection with are also some of the most *patient* people I have known OR the most *curious* (sometimes, both.) These people either allowed the TIME for me to come out of my shell or were so interested in me that they DREW me out. The more introverted people fell into the first category, and the more extroverted people fell into the second category.

Either way, these people in some way made me feel really good about myself. Just me. Not because of what I liked or what I did or what my accomplishments were or how I could benefit them in some way.

A lot of people seem interested in me only for what I can give them/do for them. While I like many of these people, my relationship with them doesn't go farther than small talk when I see them. That is NOT a connection!

I was referring to this line of thought. I don't believe true objectivity exists.

As for my over thinking comment, I see this discussion as similar to dissecting religious beliefs, emotions, or equal intangibles. It is very circular vs a linear point.

nerdygirl, This just makes me think that there is no person I could get to know- The idea that a person could understand me seems utterly impossible to me. This is how things are. I do not know wehter I should consider you lucky that others made feel good. I completely understand what you write. Thank you again for commenting.

MjrMajorMajor, thank you for your comment. It made realise that, unfortunately, I overshared after all. I am afraid that this had nothing to do with religious beliefs nor the likes. I do really think that you misunderstood me completely, which is understandable.

This has given me some insights. So, I better finish with this at once.

As long as you don't hit people when you disagree with them, I think you could make friends.

Why not? Just "shooting the bull" like we do here is "friend"-type stuff.

Sorry, kraftiekortie. I did not notice your message at first. About the comment about hitting people, I have no interest in that.

I do not think that it is possible. No one could understand me, and there is nobody with similar interests to the ones I have...

At least, not a real person. Thank you too for commenting.

I'm a real person!

I'm glad you wouldn't hit me!

You know I'm kidding about the hitting, right?

I personally dislike violence. Yes, you are real.... I just meant that no real person could understand me, and so on....I did not mean to upset you, or something like that. No, I did not know you were kidding.

Thank you again for commenting.

Thanks for the response @Sherry221B

I've enjoyed reading some of the comments.
Tbh after a lot of observation over the years, my conclusion is that, genuine friendships are hard to come by and plus very few people in this world are capable of honesty, theirs a lot of pretentious people, a lot of people who have groups of friends, are often bitching behind each others backs and make out their friends to their face, as a female, I find it hard to form friendships with other females, due to the majority of females like to gossip or b***h. Plus if you have different interests compared to others, it's hard to meet like minded people, this doesn't just occur throughout childhood but even adults pretend to like the latest things such as music, films just to "fit" in. If everyone was more honest about themselves, then we're likely to meet like minded people. When I was a pre teen, I tried to "act" normal just to "fit " in even though I'd still ended up alone, even though I thought if I pretend to like what the other kids like, i'd fit in. Neurotypical or aspie, we're all prone to this at times. When I used to work in a charity shop, I couldn't socialise at Christmas as everyone wanted to get "wasted" just to have fun and go to a pub rather then a restaurant, I felt left out when they all had fun but I couldn't join them at a Christmas do because I didn't want to get drunk and these women were much older then me even so I stayed at home instead. I spent many years feeling upset and rejected by people no matter who I tried to mix with but then i'd realise, a lot of friendships are fake and people put on a front. Sorry for rambling, just wanted to point out, that if anyone feels alone like I do, it's important to put things into perspective, just because seemingly a lot of people seem to have friends, doesn't mean it's a good friendship, it could actually be toxic.

You didn't upset me, Sherry.

You could definitely make friends. You just have to get more confidence in yourself.

I apologize for being so blunt. But I had to learn the hard way to just exude confidence, even if it's "false."

I don't mean arrogance. I mean...that you are sure that you are a viable person.

OP, what strategies have you tried so far to find people with whom you might have a connection?

I am sure there is someone out there. However, I can't say this person is easy to find!

Don't give up hope.

sorrowfairiewhisper. Yes, that is true about that there few capable of honesty. In here, I am making the exception and assuming what the comments I am reading are truthful. I have never known someone who is honest....So, I know how bad it is. It is also true that there are pretentious individuals, but there are even worse things than that, unfortunately....I did not know that others pretend to like things just to fit in. It is really bad not being allowed to just be yourself.....I hope I am not oversharing again...Through experience I have found out that it is better to keep everything to yourself.

kraftiekortie. Really? I thought you were. How is confidence related...? Do not apologise for being blunt; that is one of the qualities I like. I find it to be a virtue. I would have liked to know someone like that. I mean, telling things just as they are, as you think them,directly and precisely is the best.


nerdygirl. I actually have no strategy. I mean, I know it is impossible....I was just curious about this. Back when I did try, it was like "just to see what happens". So, no strategy. I got assumed it is impossible...So, it is ok.
Thank you for commenting again, the three of you.

I believe, in order to enhance the chance for success, that there must be, in addition to good planning, an "inner confidence" that something will be successful. This is true when it comes to establishing relationships.

How can you be successful when you "know" something will fail? That's called a negative "self-fulfilling prophecy." Unfortunately, there are people on this site who create negative "self-fulfilling prophecies" for themselves. Thus, their relationships are doomed to failure.

I might even go so far as to advocate "envisioning" the results of your success, envisioning the success of your relationship.

I started to accept everything related to people like that, because that is just how it is. I do not know how it might seem like to you, from an outside perspective. I do not know either how someone else would be in my situation...I imagine much worse from what I read on others. If the self-fulffiling prophecy could be applied to myself, why did not happen in a positive way? I would wish for things to be different, but then, I remember how reality is like. There too many things which are outside my control, and I cannot do anything about them.

But, it is true what you wrote. I watched an hour or so ago the new episode of this week, and in the flasback when Might Guy told Lee that for those who do not believe in themselves hard work is worthless. But, in my case is how those who mistreated, how depressed they made...It might seem like I am making an excuse, but what they do to me really is much worse than what happened to Shira and many more. No one could get an idea what I am going through unless there were someone who has or is experienced something similar.

I cannot envision anything good, at least not anything related to myself.

It was interesting what you wrote. Thank you for commenting.

I've had times when I had low self-esteem. I still have times like these sometimes.

I've had reactive depression, but not clinical depression.

I used to be bullied quite a bit. There were people who thought I would, inevitably, be a failure.

Sometimes, I still hesitate because I think I'll fail, rather than go "full speed ahead" because I know that I will succeed.

This is why I believe I could offer advice in this area.