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kraftiekortie
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04 Mar 2015, 10:34 am

I mean friendship for the sake of friendship, without explicit expectations.

You mentioned that you found the term "deliver" to be superficial in some way. I sensed that you thought that I thought that...I guess this is one of those times when "intuition" didn't work for me :D

When I wrote about being "attacked," that was just a general statement about situations which I've ran into in the past.

If I get attacked for trying to help someone, I get pissed.

I'm such a cuckoo bird at times! I'm never, ever, a canary, though! :wink:



Amity
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04 Mar 2015, 10:42 am

Oh OK, It occurred to me that the word deliver seemed cold/clinical after I read your post and a crude word to use when referring to interpersonal matters. I have a habit of using the wrong words, perhaps I communicated the frustration I feel when I realise I've done that, yet again. :wink:



kraftiekortie
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04 Mar 2015, 10:45 am

I think "deliver" could be a proper word to use when a friend is in considerable need. Nothing wrong with it. It's very illustrative, actually.

It's a vernacular term with a metaphorical twist (LOL.....friends don't expect other friends to literally "deliver" something for them most of the time!)



Amity
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04 Mar 2015, 10:53 am

Oh I don't know anymore, right words, wrong words, don't/do it your damned etc
I just know Ive mucked things up and I lost some good friends, mainly because I didn't meet their expectations.



kraftiekortie
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04 Mar 2015, 10:59 am

People are too much into "political correctness" these days. It takes away from the quality of life.

Now, you have a "clean slate" so to speak. You've purged yourself, at least somewhat, of what's been making you unhappy for the past few years.

I sense, strongly, that you're a fine and decent person.

I've mucked up things many times in my life. Everybody has.

It's a somewhat hackneyed cliché: but life is about learning from one's mistakes.



Amity
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04 Mar 2015, 11:12 am

Aw shucks, :D Yeah, it's a relatively clean slate.



kraftiekortie
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04 Mar 2015, 11:36 am

That's a good place to take a friend: a Lotus Garden!



Raleigh
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04 Mar 2015, 2:28 pm

I have a very close relationship with my family. I consider them my friends. I also have a very large work community (200+ staff). I'm friendly and I like helping people out even if I don't really know them. They seem happy to help me out too when I need it. We laugh and joke about things. I socialise with a few of them outside of work sometimes. Still, I don't consider any of them friends. They are 'people I work with'.

There are sporting groups I belong to. I've travelled literally thousands of kilometres with these people and stayed in hotels with them and talked about all kinds of things but I don't consider them my friends either. They are 'people in my team'.

At no point do I feel any stronger attachment to them. I don't call them up unless it has something to do with work or sport, or visit them on the weekend. I don't even think of them until the next time I see them. I know some of them are friends with each other because I hear them talking about things they've been doing together but I have no desire for that kind of relationship. I don't want to know about their personal life and I don't want them to know about mine.

I could potentially be friends with these people I suppose but I have no interest in taking it further. I'm happy with having acquaintances.

The people running the program think this is strange. They think people need friends like you need food and water.


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Amity
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04 Mar 2015, 3:37 pm

If you have a close relationship with your family then perhaps your needs in this area are met.
What is the aim of the friendship program?

I think this need varies for people, for me I can manage a small interpersonal group, like there is a limit on my social resources. I have to look outside of my family circle for friendships.



Raleigh
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04 Mar 2015, 4:10 pm

Amity wrote:
What is the aim of the friendship program?

To make me more social. The only thing it's achieved so far is to make me feel pissed off. The women running it seem to think I'm an idiot. The material looks like it was designed for primary school children. The group work is laughable. I'm being a very difficult and rebellious student. I sincerely hope there's a feedback form for me to fill in at the end of this hell.

I've only done 2 sessions. 4 more to go...*sigh*.


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Sherry221B
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04 Mar 2015, 4:12 pm

That is good question, actually. I never asked myself the why of needing them. I have always imagined that it would be someone to trust, someone to relate to, who also understands me. Also, having rich intellectual, thought provoking conversations which could serve as inspiration for new ideas, and entertain me me with them, as well as exchanging useful information of things worth of learning and retaining. Also, entertaining me with games, such as puzzles....Anything that makes you think, really. Video games too...Exchanging opinions about things I like, and sharing the previous information, and those kind of activities. So, I think that the main purpose would be to entertain me, and motivate me.

It is a shame no one like this exists (I did not get to know someone like that)....So, I guess I do not need friends, if no one like that exists......



downbutnotout
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04 Mar 2015, 4:32 pm

Because friendship is a shared experience of life, a unique way to grow alongside someone else and gain additional perspectives, a way to help and be helped in return, and a positive thing to spend your energy growing as well as an outlet for platonic love.



ThatAspieLinguist
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04 Mar 2015, 7:57 pm

Because friends make life more enjoyable. With friends you build some of the most valuable, unforgettable experiences that one simply cannot have by oneself. For me, friends have been a means of reassurance; it shows me that there are people out there to whom I can relate, and there are people out there with whom I can just be myself. My friends have helped me accept myself and realize that just because I'm an aspie doesn't mean I'm unlikeable. Friends have also served to help me learn more about myself, and with the more social friends I've had I gained many opportunities to practice social skills and have had a model on how to talk to people. I can honestly say, I have learned something from each and every friendship I've made.