Who here has given up on a social life?

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Given up completely? That's an over exaggeration of what I'm going through right now. Given up on socializing in college? Yes! I'm not comfortable socially in college because the idea of going up to people whom I know hella little about is like trying to climb Mt. Everest. It's too against my nature.

But I'm going through changes in what I want socially. First off, I'm feeling an interest in being social with the opposite gender. Preferably one on one. Why? Because I haven't had much social contact with the opposite gender in several years. Second, I realized that I'm not good when socializing in a social group. It's too hard to wait until I get a chance to talk and when I do get a chance to talk, it slips away fast. It's like waiting for your turn to cross the road except harder.

I don't know if I've given up on having a social life, but I've definitely given up on having a typical social life, or even a facsimile of one. The first step for me has been learning to be comfortable with being alone and not seeing it as punishment or rejection, but rather my default state. I really do enjoy being alone, except for when I don't. lol When I don't want to be alone, *all* that I can see is that loneliness that may not have even existed before. I've had to shed a lot of the B.S. that I internalized while trying to assimilate with others, accepting responsibility for mistakes that I made without decimating myself with guilt. There's still a long way to go. It's been hard and to some degree, it's been like starting all over. Rejections and bad social interactions still hurt like hell. What hurts even worse is when I do make a connection with someone else, but I can't seem to reciprocate. I feel hopeless at least as often as I feel hopeful and I could very well be kidding myself with this new start. But if I can't be a friend to myself, how can I be a friend to someone else?

I haven't given up entirely, took a break for awhile. I have a few friends, but only 1 that has some similar interests to me. The other are more typical- they like to go out, for dinner, coffee, drinks etc etc, although I admit the wine tasting tour was fun. Other than my regular interests, my one passion (which would be an amazing social night) is board games, but it is difficult to find a group of people that are around my age that are interested in them. I looked online, but all the board game groups are large, and I don't know if I can put myself out there for a large meetup of people I don't know- so still contemplating

I just can't do that. I have a friend online who is almost 30, an aspie like me, and has NO friends or boyfriend. The thought of ending up like him when I grow up scares me, so I do my best to push through the struggle and continue trying to practice my social skills. It's REALLY painful and awkward a lot of my times, but if I have to put im the effort to avoid becoming a crazy cat man when I grow up, so be it.

^^^
what do you have against "crazy cat" men?

Nothing, just wouldn't want to be one. XD

^^^
live long and prosper

I basically have for 2015. I socialize a bit when I run into friends or people I can relate to, and I've made some efforts to remind loved ones I exist but I'm making every effort to learn all I can in my own studious ways and let my friends find commonalities with me in their own lives - my only real wealth is in terms of knowledge and analytical ability so I'm surgically focused on cultivating the patience to let people understand me on their own terms. I'm not sure I have the room left in my mind to dictate my own.

_________________
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-Gem Tos

Yeah, I am definitely taking a break, I may well have just alienated two of my three close friends. They wanted to drop by (without warning), I would have let them (which I don't normally), but I am in the middle of reorganizing. Suffice it to say I said no and when they wouldn't take no for an answer, I told them I was too busy. That being said- their feelings are now hurt, perhaps I should have said something like - I wish you could, but I am in the middle of reorganizing and the house is a disaster. I don't know, I am tired of trying to figure these things out. If one of them had said no, I would have been okay, but I guess they needed the explanation, again, I don't know. I have no idea how to placate them, so yeah taking a break at least.

sometimes, to be a friend to friends, one must say eff it to the chores and just go with them. which is more important in the long run- that you got a chore done or that you were with friends?

I wish I could have, but they didn't want to go out, they wanted to come over, specifically to see my ill cat. I gave them an alternative, give me a couple of hours to straighten up a little, or come tomorrow. They couldn't, I didn't feel comfortable with them coming sooner, probably also because I was a little tired an emotional. Other than work, and day to day things (groceries etc), I don't go out much (too many sensory issues), I prefer to have people over. If I do go out, it is usually to their houses.

yeh, I'm not very good at spur-of-the-moment things either.

Thanks for that. I managed to appease one, but the other, I will talk to later, when I have the energy.

I have definitely given up, I was actually about to post something about this but then saw this thread. Here's the run down. My family sorta just gave up on life after losing all their money, then another part of my family got me out of that position so I'm getting help to become independent, unfortunately I don't think it's the right kind of help. The people who are helping me, are generally pushy trying to get me to get out more, or well some of em, but here's the problem where I happen to live, is incredibly boring or if you want to play from another perspective I'm incredibly boring. I don't care for your typical social get-togethers I need to actually be doing something, in particular: board games. I play single player video games, multiplayer is too simplistic unless we talk Nintendo or retro. You know, platformers etc or even just classic shooters like Goldeneye. Also, even if there were interesting things, the people for the most part I have encountered (some exceptions as always) are also boring...I spend an hour somewhere and I'm like..why am I here. There's also the fact that while I haven't tried much (yes I give up on everything quite easily and don't have self motivation on anything I do) I tend to just analyze the fact I'm wasting my time and think to myself well let's see people pushing me to go out more and do stuff...stuff I don't really care for, trying to get me to socialize when..I feel like that if I were to go out...maybe find just one person if I spend enough hours that would total up to, just for example 3 months I will have wasted my time when in that time I could of spent beating 50 games and enjoyed every minute of it.

I used to have a social life, once upon a time, but it was limited to a small, select group of disaffected outsiders, so we had our alienation in common. With or without it, I managed to have a relationship from time to time, as my job still threw me into social situations in the workplace, but since my last divorce and retirement, I've pretty much been in total solitary isolation for more than six years now and I must admit, its starting to get to me. I can't remember the last time loneliness manifested itself as such a visceral, physical ache. I mean, I've been lonely and depressed before, I'm familiar with that emotional emptiness and longing, but this is much worse. I often go days and weeks now without seeing or talking to a live human being. My only interactions with people are the exchange of money when I go grocery shopping or pay rent. And as if that weren't enough, I now have neighbors with no respect for the human dignity of others. They blast godawful noise throughout the wee hours and become defensive and hostile when confronted about it, so I'm living in a 24/7 anxiety attack, trapped in my home. I don't know if I've so much given up on a social life, as I am simply despairing of life itself. There seems no escape from the torture and no one even to share the misery with. How's that for an Eeyore rant?

Hello again, Planeteers. I forgot my old password and changed email addresses some time ago, so I had to create a new profile. Sue me.

Hi will@rd, welcome back. Some of us seem to want a social life, some don't, some want a break, or some have taken a break and now want one. I guess we go in cycles, depending on what we can handle at the moment. It is difficult to find companions, with the same avocations, in order to have a gratifying social life. Much like orosuln, a particular interest of mine is board games as well, for which one needs a 'social life', however it has proven laborious to find people of my own age with that same interest. About the noise that really blows, I comprehend your perspective of this issue, since I had a comparable experience in one of my residences. In my area we have bylaws in effect, which alleviated my situation, hopefully you will find a resolution for your particular circumstance.