NTs and their façade of tolerance.

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What was this thread about again?
Anyway, my algebra teacher I thought was a mathematical savant - the guy is a jenius (that's supposed to be a funny -a j instead of a g). That's why I thought he was an Aspie cause he had several other traits too. He got his Masters at 24. Couldn't carry a conversation for nothing. I really do think a lot of the mathmaticians and engineers are Aspie. It wouldn't surprise me. That's why I like hanging around here too because Aspies have some really intellectual conversations. Nt stuff is usually football, movie stars and weather.

Actually, now that I think about it, he got his Masters at 22 because I remember he had been an instructor for 9 years before I met him and I remember he had totally went past his bachelors degree and straight to his Masters. Gosh, thinking back on it he must have thought I was a real doofus even though I did manage to get an A. I think he gave it to me - there were only 6 of us left by the end cause the class was extremely hard and he wasn't really good at teaching. I sent him 243 emails during the whole class and he answered every one in less than 5 min day or night. There was something there, but he didn't answer when I asked him out (long story). I was the only one that gave him a good review. I couldn't have made it through that class without him. What's funny is that he's doing all online classes now - maybe because of "us" and our 243 emails he's finding out he can do online teaching better. Sounds a little bit Aspie to me.

As an NT I think this is great advice. My sense is that many of us take constructive criticism pretty hard, and so the rule is - don't criticize someone unless you are trying to antagonize them, need them to change their behavior (i.e. someone you work with is doing something incorrectly and you are somehow affected), are responsible for them (like a parent, teacher or boss), or are very close with them (good friends and siblings will occasionally tell each other hard but necessary truths that others won't tell them).

I heard an anecdote of a woman going to have dinner with another adult woman on the spectrum, who proceeded to do many things in the restaurant which waitstaff would perceive as extremely rude. It turns out that no one had ever taught her how to order her food appropriately, and so she had just always done it the way that seemed logical to her. Since everyone around her was trying to be nice, nobody had ever told her that she was coming across as a jerk, and so she had gone for years doing this until this one woman helpfully set her straight.

I think to piggy-back off of OliveOilMom's advice, I would recommend that not only do you tell your friends that you want them to be brutally honest with you about your mistakes, but if you ever sense that something has changed in a conversation or situation and you don't know why, you should remind them again - "remember I know that I make mistakes sometimes and I really need my friends to tell me when I make them. If I screwed up and you tell me, I'll try not to be mad, and I'll be grateful to you for being honest with me."