Has anyone had worsening social skills before?

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Crazyfool
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31 Aug 2015, 8:31 am

LordRikerQ wrote:
Crazyfool wrote:
LordRikerQ wrote:
I am in the same boat as the OP too, however I am much further along being 35 years old.

I can tell you from experience, it gets worse, doing that. I have no friends, no one to help me or be there for me and at this point I don't have any clue really how to make friends or get working relationship with a woman. Not to mention being a child of the 90s I am really out of touch with trends and current social fields. Part of why I'd found forums like this, so maybe I can find help.

The loneliness builds and builds, the mind never quiets, because of the anxiety that gets ever louder and stronger. Let me be candid with you, as the years go on in isolation like this, it feels like something has got to give, either my sanity will go from the loneliness or I'll end up one of these days killing myself if I don't figure something out, I don't get help or make some friends.d

Im sorry to be so straight forward, but you guys who are young, really should make a effort when your young and your generation is still prevalent to keep those social skills up, you don't want to end up like me. Its a nightmare, the only way I'd found to push back the ever growing anxiety is through meditation, but even its effects aren't ever lasting.


Dam bro that is really fukking depressing, no offense or anything. I know you're just trying to be real with us, but it's hard for me to think that I'm gonna be like this 8 years down the road. I'm 27 now, one year ago I was content, had a job, had my own place, had handful of friends and a social life, had a few women...things were alright IMO...fastforward a little over a year later and can't say I have any of that anymore....it's amazing how fast everything can change.

That's why I really want to start taking steps to getting groups of us together because this isolation is depressing and I think 90% or more probably isolate more then they would like to. I think it'd be cool for us to start having meetup groups because we would know that we don't have to worry about being judged for being different and we could engage with others in healthier ways than VIA the internet.

I hope you don't kill yourself man, I do think something will give soon. I don't know what I mean by that but I just think things will be getting better for us on the spectrum in the foreseeable furture...


Yeah, sorry man for being so depressing but It had to be said, because i see some of you guys and its exactly like me, and you had to know it does just get worse being in isolation like that. When I was younger, like college I too had some real life friends, they came and gone but i could always get more, I had some women too. Within my generation, i was not bullied, and a fairly normal guy aside from the autism stuff, but once things start changing it goes downhill fast, especially when a younger generation your so out of touch with starts trend setting. I have no clue how to interact with some of these 20 something these days. My last girlfriend was 63, because she was the only one i'd met in years I'd have any sort of common ground and understanding with.

I dont know man, maybe I waited too long. I let myself get distracted with online stuff so i didnt have to face all this, but I can tell you this is where it leads to, Isolation and lack of friends is terrible.

I think its a good idea if some of us come together and maybe strike up some kind of friendship and support group. Its helped some coming here and finally meeting people who intimately understand what going through all this is like. Most people I met seem to think its just something medicine will cure away or its just as simple as going up to people and saying "Hi" and those things will solve all the problems. But its not and you guys understand that.

I don't want to kill myself, I fight those feelings every time things get bad for me, but i know if I dont find help for all this, I wont be able to fight it forever, so Im really hoping I can find some friends here, or resources to get some help.

Just whatever goes down, I wanted to share my experience with you guys so you know what happens if things go on like that for years.


Well thanks for trying to help out but also keep in mind you are still young too. Just cause you broke 30 doesn't mean you're on your own here on out. There's still hope regardless of age, you never know when things are gonna take a drastic turn for the better.

Feel free to message me bro, I'm on here a lot these days too. I'm trying to start a meetup group here in Wisconsin, haven't found anyone yet but I'll go door to door until I give up lol.



beakybird
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31 Aug 2015, 10:20 am

LordRikerQ wrote:
I am in the same boat as the OP too, however I am much further along being 35 years old.

I can tell you from experience, it gets worse, doing that. I have no friends, no one to help me or be there for me and at this point I don't have any clue really how to make friends or get working relationship with a woman. Not to mention being a child of the 90s I am really out of touch with trends and current social fields. Part of why I'd found forums like this, so maybe I can find help.

The loneliness builds and builds, the mind never quiets, because of the anxiety that gets ever louder and stronger. Let me be candid with you, as the years go on in isolation like this, it feels like something has got to give, either my sanity will go from the loneliness or I'll end up one of these days killing myself if I don't figure something out, I don't get help or make some friends.

Im sorry to be so straight forward, but you guys who are young, really should make a effort when your young and your generation is still prevalent to keep those social skills up, you don't want to end up like me. Its a nightmare, the only way I'd found to push back the ever growing anxiety is through meditation, but even its effects aren't ever lasting.


I experience alot of the same things. My only difference I managed to find a wife who was charitable enough to commit to me while my "relevance window" was still open and I was 25. I am now 37. That window has seemingly closed. In my life at this time at least.

And, I am very lucky to have her. I dont want to be ungrateful, but not really having anyone to socialize with is very very hard. I simply dont identify with hardly anyone. I have one friend and a few acquaintances that all moved on in life, had children, or caught up in careers, and I dont have the capacity for any of that. They have different interests and ways of thinking, Im basically the same. So we no longer relate the way we did, or not at all. And since I had, in particular one close friend I relied on for all my social contact, then since lost it, the realization of just how separated I am from todays world is stunning and overwhelming. And that's the feeling I really relate to. Looking around and thinking, where the hell will I find someone I can even relate to?

I haven't actually gone and made a friend for a very long time. Even the one I have left, and the few kinda-ish friends, came from the same original source like 15-20 yrs ago. I never knew how to make friends, but in school (HS, I didnt go to college), there were people just around, and in a school of 5,000 I was bound to bump into one or two or three oddballs, which I did. But now, even at work, I cannot talk to anyone new. Whenever I have to, I struggle severely with it and am at a loss of how to identify.

So yeah it does get worse, and as my story shows (and to actually tie it back to the OP, lest we hijack his thread AND LordRikers comment) it is very important to secure those relationships when you are young because it WILL get MUCH harder. But, you can develop very meaningful relationships when you are younger much easier. If you shell up now you are straight up f'd. Push yourself a little because doing that only gets harder the longer you wait to a point where you basically no longer can.



beakybird
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31 Aug 2015, 10:29 am

LordRikerQ wrote:
it feels like something has got to give, either my sanity will go from the loneliness or I'll end up one of these days killing myself if I don't figure something out, I don't get help or make some friends.


Again, a feeling I relate to. Even in the "good old days" I use to think about killing myself constantly from the pressure of that feeling of alienation. Even with what i did, and do have. But, you never know what tomorrow may bring. And Im a total pessimist by nature, but that doesn't make that statement any less true. I, at one times, was very, very close to suicide in my early 20's. Had a girl at the time that things were breaking off and it felt like my world was falling apart and not worth living. Convinced. Totally convinced. But I ultimately did not, and turned up meeting someone better.

Point is even though it may feel like today the best solution is to end it, we're making a final declaration that we are positive we know the future, and that future brings nothing good. You or I do not have said capacity to do this.



beakybird
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31 Aug 2015, 10:35 am

Crazyfool wrote:

That's why I really want to start taking steps to getting groups of us together because this isolation is depressing and I think 90% or more probably isolate more then they would like to. I think it'd be cool for us to start having meetup groups because we would know that we don't have to worry about being judged for being different and we could engage with others in healthier ways than VIA the internet.


Seems like a good idea. Though I'd have to imagine there's a large spread of geographic locations among us. But if it became feasible thatd be cool.



deafghost52
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31 Aug 2015, 11:24 am

LordRikerQ wrote:
Humanoid2436 wrote:
LordRikerQ wrote:
I am in the same boat as the OP too, however I am much further along being 35 years old.

I can tell you from experience, it gets worse,


yes it might be a problem when you get older. When I meet my old schoolmates they usually have many kids, a wife, a house on the contrary to me. So I stopped to search and meeting them intentionally. I dont like facebook and twitter I rather tried to hide behind fake emails and pictures so that they couldnot find me.
I have the same old car which I bought 15 years ago (at University), the same lease of a small flat... its hard to attract beautiful woman with this. People in the workplace dont care about you, they tend to look at you suspiciously. I stopped trying to find a girlfriend because every other was even greater disaster. Now I am living relatively calm live without any issues but I think quite often (every day) about future and I dont feel good about it. I am still hoping in a miracle such as winning a jackpot in a lottery but as I am getting older I can see that I can expect more difficulties and issues. I dont know what job I could do at 50 when I have difficulties at present. And without job I will not have money for living...


Oh man, tell me about it. I can't go on twitter or facebook at all because of that stuff. I learned it the hard way, seeing the guys from my social circle with their wives, kids and those photos, i mean we were all nerds but i was the only autistic among them. Im happy for them but its so depressing I dont have much to show for it.

The event that made me finally stop with Facebook was my little buddy, he was short, had acme, thick glasses, ultra nerdy, cerberbal paisy, and I looked after him. He hasnt really changed much from that, but even he has this really cute wife and a great job, and Im happy for him, but that really got me down. That even the kid from my Class of 99 that pretty much no one thought would get much out of life actually did really good for himself and I can't get anything going, that really killed me, and was a difficult one to not kill myself over.

Yeah, for you young guys with these things, definitely don't go near Facebook. It makes things much, much worse.


I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. I've felt that way too (and from what I've read, it sounds like I'm significantly younger than you at 22, and have still experienced these feelings of not measuring up to others that I didn't think would have it so well in life), but saying "for you young guys with these things, definitely don't go near Facebook" doesn't sound like very sound advice; what's true for one person may not necessarily be true for all. I would, like you, however, caution against using Facebook, but nobody really knows until they sign up, you know?


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b9
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31 Aug 2015, 11:40 am

Quote:
Has anyone had worsening social skills before?

i have experienced a deterioration in my social skills on occasions that i determine that someone is in disagreement with me but is nevertheless acquiescent in a greater sense. it is the worst thing they can do. i do not like it at all.

i do not find it necessary to have many social skills because i do not find them to be useful (largely).



Evil_Chuck
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11 Sep 2015, 1:28 pm

Yes. I never thought I would miss my high school days. But my social skills, while never strong, were so much better back then. I could have real conversations with people on a fairly regular basis, I contributed to discussions in class, and I was more outspoken at work. Now I'm like the invisible man, helplessly awkward and rarely speaking unless spoken to. It has definitely gotten worse.


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LordRikerQ
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11 Sep 2015, 10:45 pm

Evil_Chuck wrote:
Yes. I never thought I would miss my high school days. But my social skills, while never strong, were so much better back then. I could have real conversations with people on a fairly regular basis, I contributed to discussions in class, and I was more outspoken at work. Now I'm like the invisible man, helplessly awkward and rarely speaking unless spoken to. It has definitely gotten worse.


I wonder what can be done about this? I feel invisible all the time these days, so it's not like you can even get practice and improve those social skills if you can't even find people to be social with.

It's such a catch 22