When is it acceptable to "buy" friends?

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I don't recommend it, because guess what happens as soon as you run out of money? Then you're a burdensome problem to be dropped like a rotted potato or something.

I don't see trying to buy friends as dating-like at all. When I start dating somebody, money does get spent on activities (dinner, movie tix, whatevs) but the amount of $ spent has no impact whatsoever on whether or not I will agree to a second or third date with the person. Subsequent dates are based on whether I enjoyed the guy's company enough to want to spend another 2-3 hours in his presence.

Honestly, my first few dates tend to be low-key, cheap or free activities - especially if I don't (online dating) or barely (got my number at a pub) know the guy. For example, I met the current BF online and the first few dates involved a quick post-work coffee, exhibit at a museum that's free on Wednesday nights and a free fireworks completion (fireworks synched to music).

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However, I also don't think that just because you buy a new potential friend a coffee or do them the favor of lending a power drill that you're trying to buy your way into a relationship. I spent many, many years as a broke student and every so often a new potential friend (particularly an employed one, when I was still in grad school) would pick up tab, despite my initial efforts to pay. I now do the same by paying it forwards, occasional picking up the tab for newish brokeish friends.

(Interestingly, when I and a mutual friend of my friend E's were still in grad school, E had a terrific tech job making big bank and literally didn't let either of us so much as buy him a coffee. Two years later, he went back for med school and, since we had good jobs, happily refused to let him pay for so much as a coffee til he graduated. He did it because he could, because he wanted to, not bc he wanted to get into my or L's pants despite all of us being single at the time. Ditto for when I and L could return the favor).

Not a good idea. Most people will use you while they can and dump you whenever they feel like it, that's how they roll.

Get away from trying to make friends with just anyone...find a group of Autistics...

I'm wondering where are you going to find these people and how are you going to approach them? Do you already have people in mind?

I can't seem to keep my friendships going with my Aspies. Not enough contact for a friendship or they stop communicating altogether.

I agree.

I don't think that you can actually buy friendship and I don't think it's a good idea to do nice things for people with the intention of bribing them into being your friend because that's just not how friendship works; But doing nice things for others is a way of showing concern for them and interest in their happiness and well-being -- and those things are a part of friendship, so doing something nice for someone could certainly help to establish a frienship if the other person also takes an interest in your happiness and well-being and wants to do nice things for you.

If the person continues to accept, for example being taken out for dinner without reciprocating, then this is not a good foundation for a new friendship. They will just end up taking you for granted, or worse.

It is never acceptable to buy friends. Well, most have covered the fact this just doesn't work and leaves you with only users. I thought I might answer this from a different angle. Coming from someone who had a random gift from someone I really don't know (Nothing I asked for, or shown interest in or even want) given to me online by another with AS, it upset me. I had to decline and send it back. This person appears to have a habit of buying things for people and has mentioned getting used for material things. (In fact just before buying this for me) Frankly it made me feel uncomfortable. Had I accepted it (which I have many reasons why I did not) I would have felt obligation to participate in this activity with this person (which I don't have time to anyway) and would have felt guilted and stressed.

I think like others have said there needs to be a balance. You buy something, they buy something. But buying because you want to, not to get friends or because you feel guilted. (Coffee, whatever.) You can never buy true friends and the possible real friends that may be out there, you run the risk of possibly making them feel very uncomfortable. Yes, us AS'rs are lonely and want to jump right into friendships but if we try to buy off people it will come off as very desperate and unnerving I think. (Even to AS'rs)

If you were a millionaire or very famous, every single girl and guy would have liked to be your friends. But seriously, rich people dont know if their partner wants to be with them because they're rich or because who they are. So basically saying, some people do want to switch places with you just not to get that horrid feeling.

Nothing more to add. Just don't give up man..

Never. If you have to buy them, they're your "friends", not friends.

That all sounds like a lot of fun!

I wouldn't recommend ever buying friends. Maybe you can go to events in your area and try to meet people. Some libraries have events. In addition, there is this really cool website I use called http://www.meetup.com/ where people hold events for people with similar interests. You should check it out, it has really helped me.

Never. Friends you buy aren't really your friends. The minute you stop giving them stuff, they leave. These aren't people who will ever give anything back to the "friendship". I've regrettably been on both sides of this situation and it never ends well for the "buyer".

That being said, it's obviously a nice thing for you to pick up the check at dinner or a bar tab every once in a while as long as you aren't the only one who's ever doing it.

You shouldn't spend money on people to buy their friendship, but there are situations when you should spend money on people.

Best example: buying a round of drinks. Sometimes I just sit back and drink at everyone else's expense, because it's so easy to stay quiet and not offer to buy a round, but coming across as tight-fisted like that is just as bad as being overly generous.

I'm sure you already know that, but it's something I had to learn the hard way.

Same thing with restaurants, always better to pay more than your share rather than less, if for some reason it can't be split into exact amounts.

I'm still not sure what to do about people who offer me drinks (coffee or beer). I usually accept, but should I be keeping a mental note to offer them one? Probably.

I guess the key message here is that you should only spend as much as they might be prepared to spend on you. When you spend way more than the appropriate amount I think that's what rings alarm bells for people. It could be seen as showing off (lots of people struggle with money).

Money can be a useful tool in friendship as it can in other areas of life, but like all tools, you can use it wrong.

Growing up being bullied all the time in school, I quickly learned to barter for friends and to disarm and manipulate those bullying me by bartering with them to survive. It was easy to make pseudo friendships but they always dissappeared the moment I no longer had anything to offer. I only had one real friend that liked me for who I was growong up who I continued to be friends with for 20 years.

I have a few true friends but only one lives anywhere near me, the other two are far away and live in the US. Friendships you pay for just leave you feeling empty and worthless.

It is acceptable if it works for you and for them. Unfortunately, the strategy has drawbacks for both.

Imagine for a moment, this scenario:

[BitterGeek - inside voice] I am convinced that people don't generally have a good impression of me, so I'll try bribing someone with a free dinner and maybe some drinks. Hmm this person hasn't expressed outright loathing of me, yet. I'll ask him/her.

[BitterGeek - outside voice] So, if you're free Wednesday night, would you like to meet up for dinner? There's this restaurant where I hear they serve the best [insert food choice here] and I've wanted to try it for a while now. My treat.

[Other Person - Inside voice] This guy has literally never spoken to me before. No wait, he has, but I think all he said was "morning" and maybe he tried to smile. Looked almost more like a smirk. When I tried to smile back, he'd already looked away. Maybe he wants something? What could he want? Must want it pretty badly to be ready to pay for dinner. Oh, well, worst case scenario he wants me to help him move furniture, or something. Can't be that bad, and you can't beat a free dinner.

[Other Person - Outside voice] Wednesday, I have that free, what time?

Now, imagine the whole experience of that meal in a public place, with you having the idea that the only way this person could possibly be willing to spend time with you is that there is a free meal on offer. And then, imagine them struggling valiantly, and probably in vain, to get you to spill the beans on what you really want, and what this is all about.

I'd like to suggest an alternative approach: try an MMORPG. People form real, lasting relationships in these virtual worlds, and the "first impression" barrier is considerably lower than in face to face situations. It's also a lot cheaper and less risky than the friendship through bribing gambit.