What should I know about befriending kids?

Post Reply New Topic

It says you are 16 years old. Strictly speaking you should not be watching any porn at all. Anyone who provides you with porn could be charged with a criminal act.

Geez, i hate to judge, but first you wanted to be friends with a 12 year old girl monstercrack, but now you want to be friends with an 11 year old?

You should be moving UP, not DOWN.

Really, it seems like you want to be friends with younger people because you find them 'easier'. It's less of a challgne of you to befriend childen instead of other teens.

Wow, you guys are being unnecessarily harsh. It's always been easier for me to be friends with younger people, and I feel like I can relate to them better than I can older people. I'm 19, and I'm friends with a kid who's 10 that also has Asperger's, although I rarely get to see him. He looks up to me, and his mom has said I'm a good influence on him. Don't force someone to be friends with people of a certain age group if they have trouble doing it. I sort of understand age issues with romantic relationships, but just friends? Really? Come on, guys.

While I don't think you should befriend people solely on their age, as sadly society sees that as wrong and could possibly get you in trouble, I too think that most of that is people and their dirty minds.

My son is 14. He is friends with anyone. He has a 16 yr old guy friend, a 13 yr old girl friend, he has no problems being friends and talking with a 30 yr old guy all of who are autistic like him. In addition, he gets along really well with my friend's son who is only 11 because they both like Sonic. When we go to visit, he calls him his little brother and treats him as such. He has lately seen his speech therapists daughters when we all go out and they love him too. They call him their big brother, bug him, take his stuff away and he shares his iPad with them, talks to them, etc.

Sadly, he also loves his younger cousin who is a girl and more than anything because she loves Minecraft as he does, but her mother has a stick up her behind and treats him as if he is some weirdo that would molest her. It makes me sick to my stomach that she has such views about him. Obviously she's one of those who can't see that they just enjoy the same things and automatically assumes he must be a weirdo or a pervert because he can hang out with someone younger than himself and have a good time.

Now, once again, because most people out there today have completely sick minds and will make a huge deal out of nothing, funny, none of them see a problem with an OLDER girl being friends with a younger boy (and I know someone personally who was molested by such an OLDER girl), I would suggest you make a Facebook group for Aspies in YOUR town or surrounding towns. Go into any autism support type groups, regardless of whether you agree with their philosophy or not hehe and post about your group. I can assure you that there are MANY parents of kids on the spectrum who want their teens to have friends and would share such groups with their teens.

Good luck!

he started the thread about the 12 year old after this one.

which doesn't say anything really about who he decides to befriend first, or who he met first anyway.

I think that the fact that minors viewing pornography is illegal is just an urban legend.

It seems like a pointless law because there is virtually no way to enforce it.

I think the OP is 16.

Are there any other places you can go and spend any time at? Also I think you mentioned the likely-hood of changing schools soon....perhaps there will be more people at this other school. Do your parents ever have any suggestions of ways you could make friends/meet people...maybe there is some out of school activity you could join, related to an interest where you could meet people.

Wrong. It IS against the law. But the law was written in the 20th century when a grown up had to schlepp for miles in a car to the bad part of town to buy his porn in magazine or VHS form in a store with a staff that would card you. You're right that today porn is now pretty much uncontrollable in our internet age ( all free and just a click away as they say).

naturalplastic is right again as usual.

Because of this lame captcha scheme, I don't seem to be able to paste the applicable Texas code as an example. Suffice it to say that in Texas, providing material can either be a Class A Misdemeanor punished by up to a year in jail and a fine of up to $4,000 or in some cases, a Felony of the Third Degree punishable by at least two but no more than ten years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000.

I also get along better with people older or younger than myself, but there has to be limits I think imo and people have to remain realistic.

It's one thing for teens of different ages to be friends, but to be friends with people of a different life stage is one entirely different experience.

I'm 16, my ex was 19, I have a friend that is 19, and another friend that is 14. This is far more realistic as I am going through the exact same life stage/experiences as them, OR they have just entered the same life stage or just exited it.

For example the 19 year old friend is a young adult and certainly doesn't live like a teenager anymore, however he was just a teenager 1/2 years ago anyway so I can still relate enough to his experiences.

And it's not hyporitical for me to judge either. If you as a 16 year old male have difficulty befriending a 12 year old girl, moving down and down from 12 to 11 to possibly even 10 year olds is the wrong direction to go.

Same with me: If I have difficulty, as a 16 year old male, to be friends with a 25 year old female, should I really move UP, or should I move down in age? It is better to move in the direction that takes you closer to your age when it comes to making friends. If you fail with one age, move on to people closer to your age, and closer, and closer, and so on.

Either way, yes I was far too aggressive earlier, but my point still stands.

^i agree with this for the most part, some very good points made.

i do think that there are "exceptions" and subversions though as not everyone's maturity and experience level increases in sync with their age. having a friend that is significantly older than you; in a different place in life and with other experiences yet with a similar enough background and interests to allow rapport is a really neat gift. i got more I(or similar levels of) enjoyment and learning from someone twice my age than most closer to mine.

on the other hand i do feel regret sometimes that i missed out on the "typical" things teenage friends to, sleepovers and the like.

again, this is just me and sorry if off topic

I also understand and agree with what you're saying, Kiprobalhato.

I know there's plenty of young adult males I've been capable of talking to online and relating to due to similar experiences/personality.

But, at the same time, there are different kinds of friendships, some more intimate and personal than others.

A teen might be able to be friends with a young adult on a 'I can relate, let's talk similar experiences, and see if you have any advice for me' level, or mentor-type friendship, etc. but not the intimate level that two teens the same age might have.

Your example isn't off-topic but a very, very good one. It's definitely considered appropriate and normal if you have a sleepover as a teen with someone your own age, it's very unusual however for a young adult to have a sleepover with teenagers. Perhaps if the young adult was a host/letting their teenage friends party/stay at his house, but even that is looked down on by society (young adult is seen as 'creepy' or inappropriate (especially if some of their younger friends are the opposite sex) and people assume he must be incapable of making friends their own age).

I guess it really depends on what kind of friendship the OP wants with 12 and 11 year old girls. It has to be that more 'big brother' type friendship and remain that way, and not go into something more personal or intimate because they're just far too young.

I for instance can still have that intimate/personal friendship with the 14 and 19 year old due to being the same life stage.

I do know many of the more popular people at my school and every high school I've been to are friends with young adults, but there are already pre-established social rules and expectations of behavior mutually agreed on by both parties. The young adults usually base their entire friendship with the teens on having parties with them and giving them access to other 'adult' activities but still their teenage friends look like 'children' in their eyes. It's hard to explain clearly but I hope people know what I mean.

i think i get what you mean.

...was going to bring that up. it would be pretty odd for a 30 something year old to host a sleepover for older teenagers (ie, my age), but if it was something more tame like, going to the local pool place to go play pool/billiards with parents permission i don't think very many people would bat an eye.

That's it really. People of different ages will have different types of friendships and fulfill different roles in your life.

If you are a 15 year old teenager, an adult friend 30+ would probably fulfill a mentorship role, chaperone-like role, the friend of the teens parents, or fulfill a 'father/mother I never had' role if the teen didn't have one or both of their parents in their life.

A young adult friend aged 18-25 would probably fulfill an 'adult older sibling' or chaperone-like role in the teen's life. A young adult certainly has to appear mature and a good influence in front of their teen friends parents.

For a 15 year old teenager, friends 13-19 would most likely be capable of the more intimate/personal friendship due to age closeness.

13 and under = 'little brother/sister' type friendship.

And so on.

And I genuinely don't think there's anything wrong with this.

I understand as aspies we usually break social/traditional rules, but some rules aren't so bad to follow and many make a lot of sense.

This was said to the OP in another forum, but truth be told, what could possibly make him interested in being friends with 12 and 11 year old girls?

I know some males might enjoy being friends with an extremely mature younger female who shares similar interests, but even the most mature of 12 and 11 year olds usually are still very different life stage/experiences to a 16 year old.

This can be applied not only to the OP's individual case but to many, many general cases as well. Just what interest would a 25 year old have in being friends with 15 year old boy? Sure, they might share some interests such as certain sports or gaming, but it really doesn't go very far beyond that.

A 25 yo can't go 'clubbing with his mates' if all his friends were teens, he can't have drinking parties with them without being charged for allowing alcohol to minors, the adult women in his life might mock him for hanging around a bunch of 'children', and so on and so on.