People think I'm arguing when I'm trying to understand

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Same in our house only I would add:
..Both of us realise how ridiculous it is that we are shouting at each other and getting nowhere
..One of us starts smirking
..The other one starts smirking
..We laugh and keep blaming the other one

On a serious note when I (NT) am continually questioned by my partner (aspie) on what I have said, it becomes exasperating. I think the questioning is a result of me assuming a certain amount of knowledge and/or ability to 'link' information even if it is not explicitly stated. I do not interpret the questioning as doubting what I have said, more as clarification, however the level of clarification required can turn a light conversation into an exhausting exchange. We both need to work on it.

Agree with Edenthiel - need to pick your fights.

Eden, I know exactly what you mean....all the things WE are supposed to be bad at, I notice often are glaringly lacking or suboptimal in a lot of NT's.

Possibilities:

1) Many "normal" people are more autistic than they think(Hmmph)

2) Having these traits as an innate ability as opposed to learned means that NT's are maybe lacking insight and reasoning in how to apply them.
We have to rationalise these things from first principles, so I don't have the feeling then rationalise it away to suit myself, because I arrived at my compassion as a conscious choice

There is a logic in empathy for me, and I notice that the people who most need empathy are often treated with contempt by NT's; homeless people for instance.
Not all NT's do this, just many.

NT's can seem to be emotionally shallow at times, and you pick it up by what they verbally reveal.

Many psychologists I have seen seem to have this, maybe it's the burnout...

I'm curious on how you dealt / deal with this in middle and high school.

I think i may be worse ... i don't ask questions and I am not curious or think of questions to ask :\


If you seem to be seen as arguing, most likely your tone and words used are not tactful enough.

so instead of asking .. " why is this xxxxx ?" (been blunt)
you can try .. "hmm that's interesting, don't mind if I have a question in mind.. pause" (been tactful)