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Fnord
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15 Mar 2016, 6:50 pm

MsV wrote:
The silent treatment is actually emotional abuse. It is also one of the manipulation techniques commonly used by narcissists to control people.
It is also used by people who have gotten in trouble for being negative and contentious, and when direct public confrontation could be risky.

It is also very effective. For instance, there is a person who criticizes what I say at every opportunity. Ignoring that person and that person's mocking tone and goading words is making that person progressively bolder. Eventually (very soon, I hope) that person is going to say something so offensive to everyone that it will result in that person being removed permanently from my life.

And I won't have to do or say anything to see it happen.



Earthbound
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15 Mar 2016, 7:37 pm

Fnord wrote:
MsV wrote:
The silent treatment is actually emotional abuse. It is also one of the manipulation techniques commonly used by narcissists to control people.
It is also used by people who have gotten in trouble for being negative and contentious, and when direct public confrontation could be risky.

It is also very effective. For instance, there is a person who criticizes what I say at every opportunity. Ignoring that person and that person's mocking tone and goading words is making that person progressively bolder. Eventually (very soon, I hope) that person is going to say something so offensive to everyone that it will result in that person being removed permanently from my life.

And I won't have to do or say anything to see it happen.


Many times ignoring is abuse though. So many people in this world just think ignoring is the answer but it rarely is. If more people communicated with each other- were honest and direct without throwing fits (or anything similar) it would be a better place. I realize talking doesn't always help, but many times IT DOES. Each situation is different though.



Fnord
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15 Mar 2016, 7:43 pm

Earthbound wrote:
Many times ignoring is abuse though...
Imagine that ... ignoring bullies is abusing them ... :roll:

I suppose I could go back to beating the snot out of them, especially when being diplomatic only invites more abuse from them.

Silence and violence are the only two things that bullies understand.



QuillAlba
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15 Mar 2016, 7:47 pm

And silence is usually the sweetest revenge of all.



cathylynn
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15 Mar 2016, 7:49 pm

don't go into it while you're angry. tell them you need some time to cool down. when you're calm, decide what you need from them. then ask for it.



Fnord
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15 Mar 2016, 7:52 pm

cathylynn wrote:
don't go into it while you're angry. tell them you need some time to cool down. when you're calm, decide what you need from them. then ask for it.
No. It is better to walk away and show no reaction than to tell them anything and affirm their jackassery. Anger feeds my indifference.

Besides, I get what I want by myself.



Earthbound
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15 Mar 2016, 8:01 pm

Fnord wrote:
Earthbound wrote:
Many times ignoring is abuse though...
Imagine that ... ignoring bullies is abusing them ... :roll:

I suppose I could go back to beating the snot out of them, especially when being diplomatic only invites more abuse from them.

Silence and violence are the only two things that bullies understand.


I strongly disagree, violence and silence is NOT the only thing bullies understand. Perhaps from your experiences thats all that has happened. But there is more to life than what you've experienced.

Also I want to point out- Summer's original post wasnt necessarily about bullying, it was just about how to communicate with anger. You can have arguments with friends, does that mean they are a bully? I don't think so. Does that mean you ignore your friend? Nope, WRONG AGAIN. Does that mean you should fight them? nope.

It feels like you just want to be angry. I hope you get the help you need someday.



QuillAlba
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15 Mar 2016, 8:07 pm

Attacking Fnord is not the way to gain brownie points.



Fnord
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15 Mar 2016, 8:08 pm

Earthbound wrote:
... It feels like you just want to be angry. I hope you get the help you need someday.
Those are only opinions - especially since you've not lived my life - and I know them to be based on an idealism that only Disney can replicate.

Whenever I've been diplomatic with a bully, it has worked against me. Some have "diplomatically" vandalized my property. Some have "diplomatically" planted stolen goods on me. Some have "diplomatically" ambushed me with a few of their "diplomatic" friends.

Diplomacy doesn't work against bullies. Silence and violence do.

I provide my own help.



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15 Mar 2016, 9:11 pm

There was a situation where I did end up using silent treatment along with avoiding three people who I roomed with at the beginning of last summer once I learned how cliquish along with how everyone else's opinions didn't matter. I couldn't even talk about certain topics without the queen bee biting my head off next to being very bossy and ill mannered. They also didn't really respect me as well. I finally got fed up and started doing exactly just that along with changing rooms.

I only ran into them twice and both though I avoided them both times, I briefly said hello to one of them before moving as far away as possible and completely gave the Queen Bee the silent treatment.

Believe me they were quite oblivious to the reasons why though they knew I had put my foot down by dropping the hint "This isn't working out, I am sorry but I would rather room with more anime fans."



redbrick1
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15 Mar 2016, 10:35 pm

Wow Summer , did you realize the windstorm that you caused? This is great.
I guess I would like to address the bullying first. Many have have experienced bullying (as I have) and at varying degrees. For me, the physical confrontations were removed in my early 20's, as I got into a professional job I found another kind of bullying, the more subtle kind. The kind that is the hardest to fight. No, I have not been jumped or had evidence planted on my person, but I have had bosses remove me before making it a hostile workplace, co-workers talk about me behind my back in order to have me removed, office clerks making it very hard to do my job. Often these experience would leave me angry, depressed and forlorn. To escalate any of these scenarios would spell my doom professionally especially if it got physical. Bullies often have an imbalance of power and they are willing to use it to remove you. The best thing that can be done is to complain and if that does no good (and often it will not), leave.
As for Summer:
Set boundaries. Being a doormat is no fun. Also if you have some good NT friends talk to them about the situation. If you are like me, you may blow it up to more than it is.



Summer_Twilight
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16 Mar 2016, 5:18 am

Well they were video gamers and I was an anime watcher and somewhat of a manga reader so I felt out of place. When I did try to get a grasp and ask questions they kept shooting me down with hints how I might not understand something or it was too grey of an area to explain.

One of them was supposedly my friend and they ran off with them all weekend.



syzygyish
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16 Mar 2016, 7:38 am

I haven'y been on this site for long...
but Fnord
is one of the most wisest, intelligent, helpful, concerned and available posters on WP
I trust him with my life...


Do you want me start a I love Fnord thread?
I will do it, unless you disagree?


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Fnord
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16 Mar 2016, 8:00 am

Go for it! :D



Summer_Twilight
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16 Mar 2016, 9:56 am

Do it. Also hasn't he also achieved a lot?



Fnord
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16 Mar 2016, 1:01 pm

Yes, he has.

:D