JeanES wrote:
I don't know where the "expectation of partner" or "feelings of upset with partner" come in...?
Because you said she was being passive-aggressive, and the only person she could have been passive-aggressive towards was her partner as he was the only other person there. There was no aggression or anger/upset directed at her partner, passive or otherwise, nor did she want/need anything from him (beyond that he understand what she was trying to say to him, but everyone wants that when they communicate so I don't really think that counts unless she carries on using rhetorical questions specifically to get him to understand rhetorical questions even if it upsets him and he doesn't get it)....and she wasn't communicating with her partner's friend, who wasn't even there, so she wasn't being passive-aggressive towards the friend.
Passive-aggression is generally a part of conflict or else something people do to avoid conflict -- the person's intention/goal matters when it comes to deciding if something is or is not passive-aggression. If you try to tell someone that you are happy or agree with them/share their feelings in an indirect way, that is not passive-aggression.
JeanES wrote:
Here's an article from The Albert Ellis Institute Website on The Paradox of Passive-Aggression, specifically in communication, which explains better than I can:
"When we are passive-aggressive, we not only fail to communicate our feelings and needs in a direct, effective manner (the con of being passive) but we also tend to introduce a new barrier to communication by leading the other person to become defensive (the con of being aggressive). "
http://albertellis.org/the-paradox-of-p ... ggression/The fact that passive-aggression involves indirect communication does not mean that all indirect communication is passive-aggression.
Simply using rhetorical questions ineffectively in an attempt to communicate empathy or the fact that you are on the same page with someone is not passive-aggression, it's just indirect communication.
Using a rhetorical question to avoid/as an alternative to directly telling someone you are upset with them, or need/want something from them would be passive-aggression.
JeanES wrote:
The real point being, it wasn't effective communication.
I agree with that.
JeanES wrote:
She should also challenge her presumption that she is in the right when communication goes badly (we should all do that, that's how we learn and grow as people).
I didn't see her saying she was in the right (and her partner was wrong), I saw her saying she wanted her partner to understand her when she used rhetorical questions.
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12 May 2016, 4:15 pm
