How do you respond when people insult you unprovoked?

Post Reply New Topic

I agree that avoiding and ignoring people who behave like that is a good idea, as it denies them the pleasure they might take in seeing you hurt--and it also just serves as that "ounce of prevention." But a silly reply and/or keeping your composure can help, too. You might want to document what's going on; it could come in handy some day.

Some people are just a-holes and will do this sort of thing to whomever, wherever, and whenever they can, and some people will follow along just so they don't become the next target. However, sometimes an unkind remark or rude question can be someone's bungling attempt to gain understanding or express confusion. I had epilepsy as a child and when one of my classmates got mad at me about something totally unrelated, she shouted, "Oh yeah? Well, why don't you just FAINT?!" I quickly told her that I hadn't fainted, I'd had a seizure, that I didn't do it on purpose--and wouldn't, even if I could. My parents confirmed for me that seeing me have a seizure in the past probably scared her. Of course, we were about 10 years old at the time, so.....your co-workers have some real problems, and you're not one of them!

I'm really sorry that you're surrounded by such immature, unprofessional people. I hope you can find something better some day.

Usually it's just "meh. whatever." Sometimes I just stand there and try to figure out what to say. I then get as witty as possible and say something like "well why are you being a loser!?".......... Only works with my family and close friends.

You're all so much more polite about it than me!

That shows that you are the bigger person when you don't respond and also I've learned that crying is a great alternative to lashing out and hitting someone. I listen to Dr. Grandin all the time and she says that it's better to cry when someone is ugly to us because it means that you won't get yourself into trouble.

You can also write fake letter to them and take your cell phone and get a hold of the voice memo and pretend like you are creating a fake voice message. That way you can say all the inappropriate things that you would like to say to those people who hurt you. However, I would do all three when you are not around anyone else so you can get it out of your system.

All the while just ignore those who are mean to you and maybe get yourself some headphones and listen to your favorite music. Believe me they will look bad in the end.

I insult them back, hopefully with something deep and personal that they actually feel. Insults are about "territory", if someone's going to encroach on your "territory" you need to bite them hard enough that they don't keep coming back.

I find insulting back doesn't work well. People will turn things against you and make you out to be the bad one that's overreacting or being mean.

If someone is desperate and determined to blame you for being bullied they will.

Like if you ignore it and things escalate and get worse you are blamed for not addressing the issue and "nipping it in the bud".

If you say something back its still your fault because you should have been the bigger person and kept quiet.

If you practice avoidance it's also your fault because "you can't run from your problems".

If you join in and put yourself down then it's your fault because you have low self esteem and are putting yourself down; thus, attracting this.

Don't cry because then you are being "manipulative" and "faking".

Man, f**k people.

I think the secret to successfully fighting bullying is to have a group of people that like you and are willing to defend you. People are herd animals with the "pack mentality".

If you are a socially awkward loner you will always be ganged up on and viewed as the bad on.

I do like the advice of just saying "purple tuna fish" in response to insults and rude questions. I will use this from now on. I'll also say "awkward turtle". These are not insults but are still addressing the bullying without appearing aggressive.

Last time I was at work a co worker told me that I act strange. I've heard this all of my life and it doesn't offend me. I think neurotypicals act strange. They are the strange ones to me.

Ghost them.

Science-fiction/fantasy writer Harlan Ellison famously said to a critical fan about being short: "There is nothing I can do about my height, but there is something you can do about your bad manners, schmuck!" I substituted "schmuck" for the word that Ellison actually used. But, you get the idea.

I have actually said a variation of this statement: "There is nothing I can do about my autism, but there is something you can do about your bad manners." It shuts down the rudeness quick.

Sometimes when people ask my why i act weird i just respond with "because tree". I repeat it if necessary. But most of the time ill just ghost people because i dont know how to react. Usually i come up with a good response in my mind just half an hour later, when i dont need it anymore. Then i get angry...

Peace
TK

How do you ghost co workers?

The same way you ghost anyone. If you have to react because its work related, keep it to that and ignore everything else. Ive done this before, one specific co-worker at my last job was just unbaerable. If they would use pictures in a dictionary, his face would have been right next to "as*hole". The only communication toward him most of the time was just "hello" and "Dont block the shared workspace with your stuff". Sometimes i used non-verbal commucation aka just throwing the stuff he left behind from the shared workspace when i needed it. He threatened me with violence but in the end he learned his lesson anyway

Peace
TK

Ok. Thank you for explaining.

Yeah, it's frustrating. Usually when I talk to someone about getting bullied I think about different ways I've been invalidated before. Then rehearse in my head what to say so that my problems sound more valid. I would also explain in detail what happened and tell them why I feel like I'm being targeted. It's good to stay calm when you talk to them too.