fluter wrote:
How can you tell the difference between a sincere "Call me"/"let's get together" and a fake one? I always wondered why sometimes people say this and then never call or respond. But I just read that sometimes people say it without meaning it.
My neighbor has said this to me three times...I gave her my number and she never called or reciprocated by giving her number. It's happened with other people too.
How does the sentence function when a person doesn't mean it? Is it just a polite way to end a conversation?
Is there a signal that people give to each other so that the other person can tell the difference?
I'm surprised you are from NYC, as this happens quite a bit less there, than in places like the Northwest (i.e., Seattle, Portland) or in places like Minneapolis or Milwaukee. In those places, "we should get together sometime" literally means, "we'll get together, on the thirteenth of f*****g Never!" I hated this when I was growing up (and do now), because with Asperger's we tend to take things literally and it causes endless frustration and misery.
The clue to the difference, between "we should get together sometime" as a fake expression and the real thing would include:
* the absence of the word "should"
* the inclusion of a specific time, place, or activity
In the absence of at least these things, you should assume that the sentence is just a cloud of smoke being blown in your direction.
The same thing goes for responses to YOUR specific invitations that are non-specific. A lot of people who don't simply say they are "not interested" or even "no" will drop all kinds of circumstances ("I'm busy that week") on you, and "hope" that you "get the hint." Of course, Asperger's folks don't "get hints."
I've probably missed out on some opportunities, but after one non-response I just give up. I'm sure, a lot of the time it's not a personal thing for them, but after years of having no clue, I can tell you I always feel that it is.
21 Jul 2016, 7:40 am
