Reassurance

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That sounds like it might be a good idea. Does it work?

Sometimes it's worked and sometimes it hasn't. Sometimes people don't respond at all, or their response confuses me, so I have no idea if they've understood or accepted what I've said.

I'm not sure how much of the "hasn't worked" is about my communication skills versus other people's not accepting what I say or being unable to understand no matter what I might say.

I get that too sometimes because I might explain something and I can't tell if they understood or if they just ignored me. It gets frustrating so I try to keep my distance from the people that do that, if I can.

It seems like people even feel like they need to reassure me even when I tell them that I'm okay. I think when I tell them I'm fine it might make me seem like I'm not aware of the mistakes I make of something. Then if I tell them my mistakes or apologize they still seem to take it that I'm bringing myself down. It gets really frustrating.

Today I was working with someone and they told me not to be anxious because they are nice. I don't understand because I didn't think I looked anxious. Even when I kept telling them that I was ok they would treat me differently. Maybe they had good intentions, but I just want to be treated like an equal. It makes me feel self conscious too because it makes me think that I might be doing something that gives off some kind of vibe that causes people to give me special treatment. I know I can sometimes be clumsy and slow with figuring things out, but it doesn't help when people do this to me.

From what you're describing it sounds like you may be unintentionally giving off a nervous, uncomfortable vibe. You might ask them why they feel you seem uncomfortable.

All sorts of people do the non-response thing with me and my best guess is that they just don't know how to respond....sometimes I think it might be that my response doesn't fit into their cognitive framework (like they try to filter it through their assumptions -- what they think they know -- and it just doesn't fit/compute), or maybe they are just very surprised by what I say. It could also be that for some reason I am expected to guess their response and it doesn't occur to them that I wouldn't have a clue.



That would be frustrating.....like it doesn't matter what you do. Do people do/say something that gives you the impression you're not aware of the mistakes you make when you tell them you're fine, or is it that you are worried that would happen?



This is a good idea, although I think you have to be very clear about what you're asking to avoid being seen as asking for reassurance that you appear normal or something....ideally, I would try to be really specific and say something like, "It seems like you/everyone treats me like I'm very fragile and anxious, and I don't understand why. For example [give example of their actions or words and how/why it was bizarre/confusing to you because of how you weren't anxious/upset/worried]; Is there something about my behavior or body language or the things I say or the way I speak that makes me appear nervous or uncomfortable to you?"

Today someone at work asked me if I had any friends and when I said yes they seemed surprised. Then they told me that I could talk to them if I wanted and said that I'm not as quiet as how some people make me out to be. I know they might have good intentions, but it felt like they were talking down to me and feeling sorry for me. I don't know why they acted this way because I was just doing my job and I don't think I seemed lost or sad or anything. It seems like if you're quiet people think that it means that they should treat you differently or bully you. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if they have good intentions , but it makes me want to talk to people even less when they treat me this way.

I hear people say that if you're confident then people won't be as likely to feel sorry for you or treat you badly but even when I feel happy and confident people still treat me this way. This doesn't just happen once in a while, it happens to me regularly. Maybe it's my body language, but if I change my body language it doesn't feel natural so it's fake and that's just as bad.

Today one of my roommates had some company and I walked in front of them when they were trying to take a picture, but I didn't realize it until I had already walked past them. It's rude to walk in front of someone when they are trying to take a picture so I apologized through text. Then she replied telling me it was fine and told me not to say that like she was talking down to me. It's frustrating when people feel sorry for me and don't treat me like an equal when I'm just trying to apologize like any normal person. It's like they take it that I'm looking for validation when I'm just trying to be polite.

Two somewhat random thoughts:

Are you sure she was talking down to you? It could be that she was just trying to be polite also (and perhaps didn't do it quite right).

As someone else said, it may be that you emit a slightly "off" signal in your manner of speech that you aren't aware of. Without hearing or seeing you speak, it would be hard for others to tell if this is true. I remember that when Margaret Thatcher was the British PM, people said she got interrupted a lot because she was female. Then a linguist did some kind of analysis of her speech, and she actually did have some tiny variation in her timing that other people interpreted as a signal that interruption was permitted -- it was something very small, like a millisecond or something, but it was enough to strike an average listener as slightly abnormal and it produced unwanted results.

I think she might've been talking down to me because she was acting differently around me. I think I'll keep my distance from her.