Am I boring, and should I care?

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Thanks for the heads up, but it doesn't really matter what he accuses me of, as that won't make it true.

I am not the only one in the universe that has had success with online dating, and I am also most definitely not the only Aspie to have success with online dating. People on these very forums have formed relationships.

That being said, Online dating can really hurt your self esteem, if you are looking at it from the wrong perspective.
You will likely send 100 messages and get no reply, you will be ignored, you will have your messages deleted, you may even get told you are not there "type"

But in order for it to be a success you need to get past that. A deleted message by someone who doesn't know you is meaningless. If you get a message saying you are not there type, they are avoiding you wasting your time. Failure only brings you closer to success.

If you look at it with a nothing to lose attitude, Internet dating does and can work and had the added bonus for me, I could get to know someone through non verbal communication and learn about them before meeting in person, which makes it less awkward when I can work out what subjects to bring up etc.

But each to there own, if you don't want you use it, then no one is forcing you, but it is a tool you can use, if you wish to.

Um, ouch, to the person who bashed people who happen to be musical or artistic . . .jeez, that's me, but I can't freaking help that. I never just did those things to try and be a "hipster" I just did them since I was a little kid....and I hate being out at night when most gigs have to be played, so I stopped -- and now I'm "boring" too but perfectly happy.

But just to say, not everyone who's into the arts or pursuing a talent is trying to be a quirky hipster, even though there are some people who are like that. Having said that, I myself don't want to date someone who is out playing gigs with his band every night. I didn't enjoy it when I did it and I don't want a man in that field either, I just want to stay home and watch a movie too.

To the OP: don't change your hobbies or interests or the fact that you like being at home reading and playing video games instead of going out. You're not boring, you're doing what you enjoy. I too enjoy quiet pursuits. I'm not going to change just so that I have some interesting stories to amuse people with. You don't have to do that. Even if you attracted a girl that way, it would be all on a false premise and you don't need a relationship that shallow.

I know a couple in real life who met online playing one of those games like WoW. They are now happily married. They were both people who just stayed home playing video games -- yet they found each other.

listening to this right now. thought it was fitting:

https://soundcloud.com/computer-magic/give-me-just-a-minute-1

ThisAdamGuy, About the not so fulfilling social life part: Slowly but steadily, things will get better, people will like you. Women should like you if you are open minded. I have found that it is easy to put up one's defenses (excuses) and think that unless you make that change in your outward appearance that people won't like you, but... friends (especially women) just want someone who is more selfless, responsive, dutiful, committed and open. According to some women I've talked to.

Sorry BirInFlight didn't mean to offend you.

You don't fit into that category, nor do I.

I am a musician myself.

All I am talking about is those that are artistic yet seem to behave as eccentric and unique or extraverted and melodramatic as possible on purpose.

I understand if some of these people are being genuine and just happen to be quite quirky and unique, but it's a stereotype I see far too often to be coincidence.

And so many of them treat their interest in the arts as adding so much 'meaning' and 'purpose' to their life to the point they over-dramatize the significance of art.

I understand art and culture is significant, but they can't keep their mouths shut about how amazing and 'meaningful' it all is.

I'm a musician, but a 'boring' one. It's a hobby, I enjoy it, I enjoy listening to it, I enjoy playing my songs to others. But I don't act like some deep, extraverted, unique, artistic hipster stereotype that has to flaunt his significance and the meaningfulness of art in people's faces. It comes across as pretentious and obnoxious to me, and most importantly of all, 'boring'.

I'm just some guy, making some song in some room with some laptop, keyboard and some speakers. Your average joe, but whe's a musician.

Sorry for the incoherence and poor grammar, I am in a hurry.

I'm boring, and I don't care. I also find most other people boring most of the time, but so what? I am not the center of the universe, and am not under any obligation to entertain other people.

Same here .. maybe i am boring to others .. but I don't care and I don't even think about it (at least not any more).. cuz others are boring to me as well .. it used to feel bad and I was so much worried when it came to making friends and having social contact .. but now i know that i was just overestimating people and it is time to give them their own size .. it is not necessary to amuse everyone around you .. those who feel amused when talking to you are more than enough .. well I am almost 30 yrs old .. I spent my whole life trying to amuse others and be like the 'funny' guy .. but it was useless .. and now I have one .. and he finds me amusing and interesting without me having to make an effort to amuse him .. Just wait for the right person .. do not push it trying to make others your friends .. believe me it is not worth it .. they are not worth it .. sounds ok ?

You are not boring. I like writing too! I also write about asperger. Many people in Norway read what I have to tell every day in my blog. So, writing is not boring. But it can be lonely sometimes to not have friends IRL. I have a few, not many. I am too sick to stay friends with. But I don´t think I am boring. Just different. And I can also talk about things I not care about, with finding details. I do not care about food, but find recipes interesting and show them around to people.

us bores need to stick together
I've gone beyond boring to being invisible rather like the insipid wallpaper in some old mobile homes like the one I live in. but no matter, i'm in good company with me and myself

If you want a social life, you should care. Nobody likes people they find boring. Boring people are just awful company.

"if you want a social life", then yes. but i disagree about the latter. i value "being accepted" and "not being annoyed" much higher than "being entertained"

The only difference between a boring person and nothing at all is a boring person takes up space. So yeah, that's pretty awful. It's like being in a cluttered room full of objects, only if you start throwing them around the police will show up and mutter something about "assault".

well the first and foremost purpose of a partner to me is "someone for me to appreciate". what she does or doesn't do for me is secondary, as long as she values my appreciation

Appreciation alone can only get you so far. If you're bored silly around someone I can't imagine that relationship will last for long. There has to be some real substance besides pure feelings.

I see a partnership as an extension of being best friends; best friends with mutual attraction. Do you find your friends boring? I'd be insulted if a friend told me I was boring.

i don't see appreciation as a feeling. i'm a cynic by nature. "appreciating someone" is something i do, not something i feel. it means going out of my way to see the good things about someone and see how those good things outweigh the bad ones (not just feel that they do, which is the first step, but actually understand why), and going out of my way to figure out the best way to express it and help them feel good about themselves for it. that is the substance. then there's the actual partnership aspect, which from my point of view is just a pragmatic concern (not a minor one, but still)

i don't look to other people for entertainment. if someone wants to be entertaining to me, all they need to do is give me freedom to do and say what i feel like. i'm the type who generally "doesn't play along well with others", unless i make a lot of conscious effort. so i generally only see other people as a source of stress, because it's not easy for me not to be "mean", "arrogant" and so on. being in the company of someone who doesn't make me feel stressed (because i don't feel tempted to be mean or arrogant in their presence in the first place) is a remarkably extraordinary situation in itself

Guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I just don't feel the same way as you do on this.