Should I reconnect with my aspie ex ?

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This might be easier for you if you just block his texts, phone, email. I agree with the others that you probably will be ill served by reconnecting.

Than you all for your reply. I kinda talked about it with his mom as she approached me with Easter greeting, and also his sister. They understand what would i feel too so they told me to just trust my gut feeling in order to make decision. But I still can't. I currently am in this situation with him. He is sending more messages in a day than days ago... saying that he had dreamed of me and calling me by my nickname... I feel a bit overwhelmed.. I want to say something back but I don't what to say, I don't want to ruin it

It sounds like he doesn't know along with leading you along which is mean. I would let him know that you have felt that you aren't a good pair and that you are just going to bring the worst out in each other and that it's time to part ways.
You can
1. Call him on the phone to talk
-Or-
2. Offer to meet him somewhere

Don't point your finger at him but rather tell him that you feel that maybe you are both doing off in different directions which may be why you aren't a fit along with feeling that you both don't get along.

Should you re-connect, that's your choice but personally I don't think it's a good idea being that this sounds like a toxic one-sided relationship.

Just block him and move on.

Or get in touch and repeat the pattern as often as needed until you learn it. As I am a pattern-learner, I had to do this many (many....) times before I "got" it.

My heart goes out to you. It is a terrible place to be stuck.

What exactly is it you don't want to ruin, his act? It doesn't matter though, no matter what you do at some point it will be ruined, he'll decide you're doing something wrong and guilt trip you about it and pick at you for the same things he always does. This is just an act to draw you back in, sure maybe he'll put on his nice act but once you get back into regular contact with him it will likely be right back how it was right before you guys broke up. It sounds like that is the last thing you need.

I wish we could ever talk on phone, but we really aren't phone-talk kind of people, we prefer face-to-face talk in real life. I wish we could meet too but I'm currently in my own country which is half world away from his. I only want to reconnect as long as I see his will of making effort for both of us.

I had considered of just doing that way, but then I would see the possibilities of fixing our issues together and I don't want to give up...

I mean I don't want to ruin the moment. When we were together, he was always an easily-mov-on type of person. He would always be fine the next day after an argument, but most of the time I couldn't let go of the issues and fussed about it. It intensified it and ruined it again and again. Apparently he was over the resentment he held towards me now, yet I haven't been over my negativity. I'm afraid I would be ruining it once I respond him and get emotional.

What if what he has been doing to me weren't abusing, it was just his reaction because he was too mad at me with my actions? What if I could finally control my emotion better? He would be better too. I really wish for this one day...

Then maybe write him a letter via snail mail and let him know that you think he's a good person and that you have had some good times together but that you feel you are both going in different directions and that you aren't a good pair. Finally, that you both are going to just bring the worst out in each other and don't wish to maintain the relationship or any further contact with him.

If not email, snail mail.

Be cautious with self-blame.... It's good to be self-aware and willing to acknowledge that we're wrong, or at fault. But those of us with this and other normally-positive traits, who take responsibility for our actions and words and the state of our relationships, and who trust the words of those whom we have shown respect.... We tend to be vulnerable to falling into abusive relationships with those who do not hold these values (though they usually convince themselves that they do).

They blame others for problems in their lives, they dodge responsibility for their words and actions in relationships, and they do not hold themselves to their words and promises. And they weave elaborate stories to frame a shared reality (for us, as well as to themselves) in order to explain why the relationship fights and problems are not their fault (when they are), why the blame is shared equally (when their words, thoughts, and actions are the reason why things can't be worked out), and why they really will follow through with what they say (when, in the long run, they never do).

The people who take advantage in these ways are almost the way that they are because they are hurt inside. People react to this hurt by developing in one of two ways... Either they develop a low sense of self-worth, and become extra caring and self-sacrificing for others, or they learn to protect themselves with a high sense to self-worth, used as a shield from reality, and they become emotionally detached from others, self-centered, and manipulative. Different people develop different levels and different shades of these patterns, but they're very real.

These two patterns attract each other in relationships.... Things start out well, as both types put on their best act to impress. But self-centered person starts to put their needs and emotions first, yet manipulates the situations to put blame on the self-sacrificer, because the sense of high self-worth that they use as a shield requires that they see themselves as blameless victims. This all gets them more power in the relationship for themselves. The self-sacrificer then puts in effort and sacrifice to no end to try and meet the self-centered person's needs, they blames themselves, and see the other person as a victim of their needs, as part of their (our?) pattern of low self-esteem and low self-worth. They (we?) try to make things work, and we pride ourselves on all the effort and sacrifice we put in, and when that doesn't make the relationship good, then.... we blame ourselves more! And the self-centered partner continues to not blame themselves, they continue to weave the stories where they are not to blame for the relationship problems (when in fact, the whole structure of the relationship revolves around their inability to take responsibility / accept blame, and see your needs as equal to theirs).

The self-sacrificer is not to blame for the relationship problems. Their fault lies solely in not taking responsibility for their own lives, their own boundaries, and for not walking away when lines are repeatedly crossed. It's all a shame, because everyone's hurt here, and nobody wants a bad relationship. But both parties get hooked on them, and trapped by the stories they and their partners tell themselves. These things suck, really bad, but you have to leave. A lot of us have been there, I can tell by the replies here, and you are certainly there, we can see the tell-tale patterns and signs. We all want to help. But it's a sure thing that when we were stuck in similar patterns, we got a lot of advice too, and at the end of the day, nobody could get us out but ourselves. You'll have to make the decision on your own, and take the actions to finish this off entirely of your own accord. We can help you recognize what you are fighting, and give you encouragement to let you know you're not crazy and not alone. And you've obviously taken some steps to get yourself further out of the relationship, which is really hard, I know, and really great. But finishing this off will have to be you, your choice, your actions. And it will take time, maybe a lot of time, until your mind and emotions stop reacting so powerfully to his triggers. I really really wish you the best. You sound like a wonderful person and you deserve someone who understands and respects your feelings, wants, and needs, and works to treat you as an equal in a relationship.

I know I'm not solving your problems in any way by intellectualizing them, but that's always been my own way of helping myself through life, and it's what I have to share. There is a lot of material out there on these patterns that I've found really helpful, one great source is Ross Rosenberg, he calls this a "co-dependent/narcissist trap" and he's written a few books and has a YouTube channel. Take care and good luck with this tough time.

Actually I'm currently writing a list of things that I want to tell him and my feelings I have as to release my emotional strain.
Writing letter sounds like a good idea, thank you. I will probably go with snail mail as handwriting one would do it better

Thank you for getting back to me with long message again, it does help me by giving me a comprehensive insight of the matter. You are right on that he had build a high sense to self-worth as his defense mechanism. Even now when he wants to get closer to me again, he still thinks it was only my issue to cause the end of our relationship according what he has been telling people around. Maybe I would still want to get back together, but thinking of what happened would happen again makes me wimp out.

Deleting someone off social media to “teach them a lesson” seems a tad psychotic to me. I don’t re-add these people.

The only "lesson" I'd learn is that the person was never worth my time in the 1st place.

JustRob does a good job of explaining things. I will reiterate, this is not your fault and you can't do anything to fix it. It is not a matter of you being more patient or kind or whatever. By constantly thinking about him and what you could do/say/write to respond to him is, I fear, perseverating on something that is not making your life better and more joyous. I know about this because I do it myself. I also know that the sooner I can put something out of my mind, the sooner I can get on with the good things in life. Good luck.

No we are pretty horrid , at least I am ? Anyone else fell like this ?