Don't Depend On Any Particular Person

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It’s not nice to be taken advantage of, but I think it’s nice to be needed.

I like to be needed----but I don't like to need people.

Until I was maybe in junior high or high school, I didn't really know what "relying on someone" meant. It's weird, really. I was really quite selfish, in retrospect.

If somebody asked me for help with something, and I could do it (sometimes, I wasn't able to), I would help. I would appreciate the thanks I got----but I didn't really show it too well.

I didn't like people helping me with ANYTHING. I would get downright hostile if somebody tried to lend a "helping hand."

I prefer being wanted rather than needed. Being needed can feel stressful to me, like a responsibility to not let them down.

Growing up with an abusive and neglectful mother, I got used to taking care of myself and never relying on anyone. This mindset followed me throughout my adulthood, as I, much like KraftieKortie, would get apprehensive at the idea or motion of someone helping me. The justification behind my apprehension became even more justified when I started working IT at a telecom company; asking for help was already a struggle and the fact that getting help was a even more difficult didn't help much at all. I don't mind going out of my way to help someone if I choose to, but people asking me for help is a bother; there isn't a neutral way to decline and it leads to scenarios I don't want to be apart of.

Even now, my friends have chastised me time and time again for my vehement refusal of help.

Monopoly

Imbalance of power

They can charge anything they want

If they get cancer or ghost you, it's the end

Or so I thought

Amy Lee scheel b***h

how did you stop getting obsessed with people?

I have a lot of disabilities & issues that can cause me to be dependent. However I've been a loner my whole life so I've only really depended on my parents & my girlfriends. My girlfriends are really the only people I felt truly close to. Being dependent on my girlfriends has contributed to problems & my 1st two breaking up with me. My current girlfriend is kinda also needy & clingy. She's dependent on me a lot but she's also dependent on her family. She's the only one I really depend on now since I only see my family a couple times a year due to moving away & me not being close to my parents. I do call them at least 1ce a week but I cant get very personal with them. Being dependent on my girlfriend has caused some arguments & can make Cass feel like she's getting used. She's dealing with various mental & physical issues & can get worn out & stressed easily. I know I should take steps to be more independent but I'm not really sure how to go about it. In some ways I have made a lot of progress since I moved here 6 & a half years ago but in other ways I'm still stuck in the exact same place I was before I moved. I do want to be working again which should help me be more independent but something part time where I can keep my benefits. We're on housing waiting lists so we can move & have no clue when we'll be approved & exactly where we'll end up so the job search has to wait.

Just to state the obvious: you're really lucky to have her as I'm sure you know. Do your best to be her psychological and emotional rock if at all possible and in whatever ways you can be there for her even if it's just coupley stuff and being a good listener being supportive and such. Believe me it helps.

I'm embarrassed to say I've pretty much been dependent on others for the bulk of my life. It was basically my parents until a couple years after my mother passed away in 2011. When I was in an abusive relationship I was also dependent in alot of ways on my partner and that didn't go well. I've also been dependent on friends and the last few years on an elderly male friend of mine who's letting me stay w/him. And the last few years I've been on public assistance till I get SSI since I don't have much of a work history and legally can't work.

But I still have plans to go back to grad school and do a PhD and turn that into some kind of career whether academic or not. I'm apprehensive of having to rely principally on myself in the future but I'm also motivated to achieve that b/c yes in alot of ways it'll make me free. W/responsibility can come freedom (to reverse the cliche). In the meantime while I'm probably not very good at it I'm trying really hard to be there in the ways I've suggested to you for my own friends on and offline and eventually for some romantic partner (in healthy ways).

Sadly financially and a bit emotionally i'm still dependent on my parents. I don't think depending on the right person is bad, though not everyone can find such people of course. Depending on yourself is a must though.

Ohhhhh yes, been there done that - don't wish to do that again!

Yet, boosting social skills & making friends involves more or less trusting one person. This presents that contradiction (dichotomy) which presents challenges even for NTs, yet is especially daunting with High Functioning Autism (HFA).

Here in the 'Social Skills & Making Friends' Forum, good examples have been offered which for starters, offers opportunities to address that dichotomy between 'Depending' on a given person, and 'Trusting' a given person! Got it??

Yet, here on WP, it's veerrry disappointing to find sentiments that ignore, and are distracted away from HFA awareness that is ahead of the curve. This is like "cutting off the nose in spite of the face", "throwing the baby out with the bathwater", and being our "own worst enemies!" WHY???

Such awareness is "ahead of the curve" because enough people (both NTs and HFAs) have reached consensus on understanding the challenges facing HFA adults. See LINK on examples and please continue discussions, experiences, and follow-through..............to truly boost beneficial HFA results!

LINK: viewtopic.php?t=376752