Why are AS expected to understand but NTs get away with not?

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I've also noticed this. Aspies are told not to interrupt others, but NTs sometimes interrupt each other in conversation. Or Aspies are told not to be blunt, but NTs are sometimes blunt and we're often told we're being too sensitive when something upsets us. I think Spiderpig has a good point -- we encourage others to be nice no matter what the other person does. And since Aspies are usually the ones receiving social skills therapy, we're the ones who get corrected on things. Also, there are times when it's acceptable to break social rules, such as with those you're close with. NTs are better able to learn instinctively when it's okay to break rules, but Aspies struggle with this more, so we have more of a need to learn what the rules are.

It is annoying, though. In my experience, the leaders of groups for disabled kids can be sort of bossy, frequently correcting people's behaviour and interfering instead of letting us work out our own conflicts. And disabled kids tend to get hovered over more than NTs. This may be necessary to some extent, but it does seem patronizing.

If, indeed, there is actually a double standard being applied to you by an individual who has a habit of doing so, and who is always placing you in the wrong, personally I would just stand up for myself and tell them I was tired of their lack of support.

Sometimes you will not have the support of others in your actions and decisions, and I think it's important to be okay with that in life.

They don't have to wait for you to break a rule. You're always breaking rules, because there's always at least a pair of opposite rules: one to support whatever you're doing, and one to oppose it. People summon and enforce them selectively, depending on whose side they're on. This means the rules aren't actual rules at all; just BS to make it look like what they want is always "objectively" the right thing.

They make the rules. We have to follow.

i see that goes on here on this site too , if a autistic reports some social difficulty of some sort everyone sides with the nt even if the nt was the bad cop in the situation, its confusing.

I wanna know what kind of restaurant allows dogs? I mean yes service dogs, but it didn't sound like the behavior of a service dog.

As children you don't have much say in getting blamed vs. getting supported; but as adults, you do. So if you are unfairly criticized, just say "Oh, sure! Take the dog owner's side. How about being more concerned about ME, next time?" In other words - stick up for yourself.

I'm not saying anybody has said it to insult me, it's just what some people imply, and I'm good at picking up implications. People only don't imply these things if they don't know I'm Aspie or ADHD.

It's like the implication is to Aspies: "Consider what might be going on inside other people's heads".
But also "other people don't know what's going on in your head so you can't expect them to consider you all the time".

I DO find myself considering other people more than I should, but sometimes if I get frustrated by somebody's behaviour people just say "maybe they were having a bad day, you've got to consider what could be going on inside their head", but what if I was having a bad day too? If I do point that out, people are like "well that person didn't know you were having a bad day, they can't see inside your head and think about you all the time".

Um...I must admit, Caz72 has a point, although it wasn't what I was implying when creating this thread. But I have seen it here on WP too.

There will always be a double standard, sadly I don't think that is exclusive to aspies. I've seen it in several other arenas. It will feel personal but it's not, the best we can do is to rise above it and be patient with others. As someone above me said, we have to do our best to explain the fallacy to others when we see it, if it's appropriate. Something I learned early on was to keep my mouth shut most of the time since it made things easier. Now I'm trying to learn how to know when it's okay to educate/correct someone and when it's best to keep being quiet, if I'm in doubt I'll stay quiet. Life is much easier that way.

I think it's a therapist's job to point out where you could alter your behaviour to more easily get along with others, so in that the therapist was not wrong. They were just trying to give you your money's worth. However, I too have noticed a double standard in how people relate to NTs versus Aspies. It's similar to telling someone you're an ex-con and suddenly they notice every time you swear, versus someone swearing who's a graduate from Yale or something, which might be thought incredibly funny.

I find the best thing is not to tell people I'm on the spectrum because quite a few of them - new acquaintances, especially - change their attitude toward me. Less respect, more doubt and more condescension is the result.

By the way, you don't need to let other people's opinions influence you one jot. Just do your thing and too bad if they get hurt or don't like it. You're doing yourself a favour if you allow your natural personality to screen out the boogers, the nutters and the sissies who can't take a cold hello on your bad days.

I had a friend who was on the spectrum - so much so, she didn't realise it. Was loud, abrasive, insensitive and did exactly as she pleased. Now happily married with kids and practically zero friends but she couldn't give a rat's beehind because to her, everyone else is the problem. I used to despise her - now I think she's a genius.

What's necessary here is context; did this actually happen, or are they purely hypothetical scenarios?

The thing with social situations is they are not based on solid calculations or laws, they are entirely isolationist cases. In a sense, they are their own universes and depend on those partaking. For example, somebody is allowed to leave a conversation if they want, it could reflect poorly on them or on their socialising partner but there's no safety net in place to assure one or the other. Either you're being inconsiderate or they are, but these exist in a kind of superposition that is only broken when you really care to think and inquire about it. In other words, most social issues should often be left to hang indefinitely if no one person is being directly harmed by it.

To this end, nobody ever really goes into a conversation and leaves feeling morally superior because there's no way of defining it. Nobody has written a universal book of rules on social etiquette beside those of common courtesy, and as a result nobody can be at fault if anything such as this happens. That's just the nature of animals.