I think I'm incapable of making friends

Post Reply New Topic

I have the same problem. Always have. Making friends has always been very difficult for me. I am very introverted. I have made some friends over the years, but they never last. I find it very difficult to keep contact and maintain the friendships. But that’s on the rare occasions in the past when i made friends. At this point i have given up trying so hard. I have found that things like friendships and relationships tend to happen when you least expect it.

Using scripts to engage in conversations with Earthlings may help us from planet Aspie. I hate it when Earthlings ask unexpected questions we have no answer for and we will need to go back to our planet Aspie or google search teh answer to the question for future interactions with Earthlings.

It’s common. I experience it, too.

There is something missing when trying to forge connections and bonds with people. Talking to them is fine etc, but you can’t get into the “seen” zone.

I can’t help you, but I wish you luck.

I would work on yourself. I’ve seen positive results since I started working on myself.

Sone people say you just haven’t found your tribe. I actually think it’s because we are aspie.

My brain actually feels like it’s getting inflamed or overheated and about to have a power outage, if I interact with people socially too much (and my standard for ‘just right’ is usually being alone completely). It feels like it’s almost going to break into a fever. It’s an actual physical sensation.

That’s when I know to take a break from people and try to be by myself in a quiet room.

Maybe you didn't get my PM. If you are still looking for new friends, I would love to talk. I am 32/f. you are not incapable of making friends. Let me know. Thanks.

Friendships form naturally after spending some time with a person. If you click with them, a friendship is made.

Friendships rarely form instantly. They can take months, or even years to build. You have to spend one-on-one time with a person to really get to know them well and bond with them. You've said you've tried meetup groups, which is good. Maybe you're having a hard time contributing to discussions in a group, and are better at talking to people individually.

With that being said, you shouldn't go to meetup groups just to make friends. You should go because you enjoy being there, and enjoy the activities.

This was my reply on a similar topic and I would say the same thing here, so here it is:

I find people are usually respectful, in terms of manners and etiquette especially now im in my 30’s. However I do agree I’ve met More than my fair share of narcissists who love to talk about themselves. Generally, its a fact that people love to talk about themselves. As an aspie, I am constantly working on my social skills. Not only do I ask questions to get to know people, but I am genuinely interested in their respnses, because I try to only ask questions I really want to know. Usually this does not go beyond smalltalk, something which is very hard for me as an aspie. It becomes off-putting when the person only answers your questions and does not ask you any in return. Ive literally asked people questions back to back and when I stopped: total silence. They showed no interest in me. If they dont, then I do not attempt to get to know them any better. Also, my aspie tendency would normally be to explain this to the person, to make them realize how they are coming across. But as someone else said on this topic, you cant change people and you are unwise to try. My friends and I have give and take conversations. We are both interested in and respond to what the other has to say. I like them because I can say what Im thinking and not have to worry about making a social mistake or being misinterpreted. Friends like this are a Godsend, even though I only have two. I dont need a ton. Dont give up on finding friends who understand you and like you. You are more likely to find them if you dont waste your time on narcissists or bullies or manipulators or whatever, once you have figured that out. I think sometimes some aspies keep at it with people like that because they may not feel they have any other options besides giving up and being alone. Dont give up. If you feel like giving up, PM me and I would be happy to chat.

It is a fine line between pattern recognition and globalization

However some people have no friends

That does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with them

Many people only want to be friends with people that are just like them

Interesting.

I am similar since I honestly don’t have any friends.

But perhaps I’m different since I am not worried about it.

It used to be a concern before, because generally society views being “alone loner” seem like a negative thing, so I also tried meetup groups and attended various kinds social events. I have no trouble meeting and talking to all kinds of people. I usually have a good time and like my experiences.

But ultimately nothing permanent or continuous came from it. I still have contact numbers and mails of many people, but I don’t feel so interested in contacting anyone. Because I am honestly happy currently without always having another human hanging around me. I have no problem talking to a lot of people, and enjoy it. But I don’t constantly need to have other people around.

I think I am a natural “Lone Wolf”