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Summer_Twilight
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22 Jan 2019, 5:28 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Before the misunderstanding, I saw girl B as a threat to my relationship with my boyfriend, and I was just annoyed with her and that was why I confided in girl A.
But maybe girl A wasn't intending to cause trouble, maybe she said something to girl B because she was concerned and didn't want girl B to cause upset for me. It's just that girl A often tells me things about people we know, and she trusts me not to tell them, otherwise she probably wouldn't tell me at all. It's just that I've had 3 jobs in my life so far (1 voluntary and 2 paid), and in all of them I have experienced colleagues telling each other things about other people, because it seems that's what people do, it's a human thing. People have most probably talked about me too, which I don't mind as long as I don't know. It hurts when you find out that you've been spoken about negatively, but if you don't know then obviously you can't (or shouldn't) dwell on it.


Telling people personal things
10 years ago, I got too close with another woman who I worked with because she appeared to be a sweet friend and she kept convincing me. I trusted her and thought I had made a friend because we started telling each other personal information It turned out that she lied all the time and liked to gossip about everyone at work who she could get her hands on. When another woman got hired, this "Friend" dumped me and started lying about me to another to the new girl. She also denied it that we were friends.

2. I have learned not to tell everyone that I am autistic/Asperger's because I have learned that it gives people the wrong idea. Say, at one synagogue that I attended for three years. Soon the rabbi there and others there got this idea that I had learn to social skills because I wasn't getting invited to things. The rabbi and the others got very condescending and controlling with me. Yet, here I have been able to function like a regular adult.



shortfatbalduglyman
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22 Jan 2019, 9:04 pm

At the time, they might appear to be your friend, then later on, they break up with you

Then they gossip



Aprilviolets
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22 Jan 2019, 9:37 pm

I remember when i was at school telling someone who I thought was a friend that I was going to a Special School the year after and then everyone in my class knew and bullied me over it. :evil:



Summer_Twilight
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23 Jan 2019, 10:25 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
At the time, they might appear to be your friend, then later on, they break up with you

Then they gossip


Usually, there are red flags in place when these people are posing to be your "Friends." With the co-worker who pulled this on me:
1. Always made promises to show up at my gatherings and never did and never called. Something always came up with her and she could never because she "Left her phone at home" or "There was a bad signal." She also got really defensive when I asked her.
2. I could never by myself around her, for example, I love imitating things and doing voices and that always, "Got on her nerves."
3. When I told the new girl that this other co-worker and I were "Friends," she told me that others had no idea we were friends because she always told them they hated me
4. Several times while I was on break, I would go attempt to hang out with her in one of the offices yet she and another co-worker would get up and walk out every time.



blooiejagwa
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25 Jan 2019, 12:03 am

BeaArthur wrote:
I've made that same mistake before and I'm more than twice your age, so don't feel bad. I think you're a faster learner than me!


Messing up is all I EVER do even if i know to stop i cannot stop myself
My impulses are v strong

So i end up telling everyone everything

Then a few times that is misconstrued OR (which is worse)

misrepresented (eg lied about)

So ppl truly are prone to betrayal + dishonesty

n there is no getting around that

I guess my advice is to tell Online WP community everything.


That is what i do now.

Even if nobody reads my posts i get it out whatever im thinking

then my impulse to tell everybody in real life everything is gone!!

Really. I can control better in real life (restraint in talking)

if i first write about it here. Also here ppl can just ignore u if u go on n on.

In real life they cannot Mute u so u end yp accidentally irritating them . Then if they are the immoral type,
they feel motivated to hurt u somehow bcuz they find u annoying.

I think that is what happened with my law clerk so she lied about me to make sure i wd not come back.

this is a big stereotype but i find NTs have a large segment of manipulating types. So maybe its better to tell an ASD person everything


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Celifrog
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25 Jan 2019, 12:41 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I’m still learning this. You can’t trust anyone.

Why was that girl flirting with your boyfriend when she has one? What a tramp.



Isn't that sad how mean others are?



blooiejagwa
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25 Jan 2019, 1:56 pm

blazingstar wrote:
^^^^ I agree with Joe and Kraftie. But we are all aspies. I think NTs in general do not experience this obvious to us code of honor.


Can they add ‘honour driven n ethical’ to the criteria in the DSm? They should


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JustFoundHere
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26 Jan 2019, 11:34 pm

Learned to be careful early on - if anything, I have the opposite problem e.g., when in doubt, don't. Also, when people show you who they are, BE-LIEVE THEM!