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Summer_Twilight
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11 Mar 2019, 10:11 am

serpentari wrote:
gj!


Thank you.

However, getting back to the social games people play, I thought of something. Since most NTs/allistics are built for social interactions, most of them will do anything to be included. So they play these games because

1. Though they may adore you, they might be afraid of being an outsider themselves or that they might not be liked if they associate with "The Weirdo."
2. They might be trying to impress the cool person who may not like the outsider
3. They would love to be your friend and include you but because they have insecurities of themselves and could be scared that you will form a group of people and exclude them.

If you watch the movie "Odd girl Out" you will see some of these kinds of behaviors from the Queen Bee who soon rejects her best friend, who the others start to Bully. It isn't right but watch very closely.



serpentari
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11 Mar 2019, 10:14 am

i have faced all those behaviours multiple times over. i have come to giving no f***s. my time is too valuable to waste on trying to connect with ppl, who dont want to.


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Summer_Twilight
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11 Mar 2019, 10:18 am

serpentari wrote:
i have faced all those behaviours multiple times over. i have come to giving no f***s. my time is too valuable to waste on trying to connect with ppl, who dont want to.


I am learning that though it's okay to reach out and they say no, I try to invest my time in the people who aren't going to exclude me. I am also learning to work on myself and build self-confidence.



serpentari
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11 Mar 2019, 10:19 am

this is really great, summer))) cheers!


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Summer_Twilight
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11 Mar 2019, 11:27 am

serpentari wrote:
this is really great, summer))) cheers!


I am also working on myself and would like to read
1. Daniel Wendler's book as well as his friend's book too because it's all about making friends
2. I am halfway through Temple Grandin and Sean Barron's "The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships."
3. I would even like to dive into "The Asperger Experts" as well.



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12 Mar 2019, 4:00 pm

I think you can do it in terms of the opposite, 'how do i deal with feeling included?', only then do i realise it feels weird, awkward, walking with someone at the same pace feels strange and uneasy and always self-conscious of what they expect me to do next, should i split off and do my own thing or go with the flow. I always view people who are able to hold up their own and talk their head off, being the life of the party or conversation, to have ego problems, and think i might just be lacking self-confidence myself.



Summer_Twilight
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13 Mar 2019, 6:43 am

Scorpius14 wrote:
I think you can do it in terms of the opposite, 'how do i deal with feeling included?', only then do i realise it feels weird, awkward, walking with someone at the same pace feels strange and uneasy and always self-conscious of what they expect me to do next, should i split off and do my own thing or go with the flow. I always view people who are able to hold up their own and talk their head off, being the life of the party or conversation, to have ego problems, and think i might just be lacking self-confidence myself.


Daniel Wendler's TEDEx talk is really good and it talks about exclusion and how it doesn't just stop at marginalized groups.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeMW2Asu8vg



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11 Apr 2019, 12:49 pm

Long-ago, I've developed that "sixth sense" in avoiding those exclusionary environments in the first place! Usually, that "sixth sense" is correct; as more often than not, such exclusionary environments likely offer little to nothing in the way of importance anyways!



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12 Apr 2019, 7:58 pm

I suffer intensely when I feel excluded, and my own co-morbid conditions make it worse.

I know the pain will go away, but sometimes, it turns into a more complicated issue such as depression. I try to keep myself occupied to help with this.


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12 Apr 2019, 9:43 pm

At this point I tend to expect that I am not included. That doesn't mean people are purposely excluding me, but simply make no effort one way or the other.

Being treated as though I was invisible or excluded use to be very upsetting for me. It was heartbreaking to feel like no one liked me or would give a damn if I vanished. But over time I got use to being alone, I grew a little thicker skin, and I realized that I probably didn't want to be friends with people that'd exclude others anyway.

Now I just sigh and do my own thing. There are times it still will hurt; like if I was getting along with someone only to have them kind of abruptly drop me. I find getting over looked or ignored depressing but also irritating. In those cases I tend to focus on the irritation because it's the people ignoring what I may say that are the jerks. It's not a reflection of me, it's them. So I pay attention to my own things, and I entertain myself.


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