Be touched

Post Reply New Topic

I think that my mind has scripts inside of it that I try to use for social interaction.

On the rare occasions that I've had a girlfriend, I have liked touching a lot. I'm also OK with shaking hands, getting a medical exam, getting a massage, etc. However, when I don't have a "script" for the situation, I get very uncomfortable with touching and being touched.

I'm NT but I have traits of AS I think. The more I come to this website the more confused I get! But anyways, I hate physical contact most of the time. Whenever my mother, or especially my dad, touches me I just want to push them off. It makes me feel icky really. I don't get scared or feel threatened by it or anything like that though. Today I was at a BBQ for the 4th and this girl kept giving me hugs and rubbing my arm. I know she didn't mean anything by it but I just wanted to be like EHHHHHHH STOP FREAKIN' TOUCHIN' ME!! !! !! i guess i just like to have my own little personal bubble except with certain people. but doesn't everyone have that?...

I usually keep 3' of personal space and I hate people touching me without permission. It doesn't hurt, it just feels annoying, like a chafing feeling. I can tolerate some people hugging me, but not others. My Mom's hugs bother me, so when she still did it, I'd give her these bone crushing hugs back to try and tolerate it. My sister in law's hugs don't seem to bother me though.

I haven't been officially diagnosed, but according to that which i have read i am most similiar to aspergers, but i'd love some good sites describing all of the similiar conditions.

And about my mess. One time someone came into my room and started "cleaning" it, and i started panicking and ended up chasing him out of there with a golf club. My Sand Wedge.


Also on being bumped into or crowded. In my entire life i have only ever bit two people. Mike kaller, and andrew zelasko. Both of the times i was bumped into in a tiny, loud, crowded space, and i panicked and leaned over and bit. I didn't even know what was going on until afterward. Curiously, both times i leaned to my right.

I like some kinds of touch and not others. I always disliked being touched by women in positions of authority that I didn't get along with too well and if someone touched me suddenly without warning.

But, in other ways, I am a cuddle junkie. Mum said I used to demand more cuddles as a child than she could really give. I always need my blanket with the fur trimming (that I can rub my face on) and my cuddly pillows to get to sleep at night. It doesn't bother me if someone sits close on public transport unless they are very smelly.

I get awkward about initiating touch and am very inhibited about touching anybody I don't know well (which is just about everybody apart from my family and a couple of close friends). Some people probably think I am standoffish because of this but I don't want to get into trouble for "inappropriate touching".

I get nervous about people touching my stuff and watch them very closely.

I am very tactile and cuddly with my boyfriend (and with previous partners) but I really dislike letting anyone else into my personal space, let alone touch me.

I think I must have been 27 or 28 before I ever hugged a friend - she was homesick having recently moved to my town and was crying, and although it didn't come naturally to me, I knew from experience and observation that it was the expected thing so gritted my teeth and did it. It worked too, she was greatly comforted by my action and I consider it one of those times when I managed to get it right Some of my friends expect a hug in greeting or farewell so I just get it over with as quickly as possible.

One thing that disappoints me about myself is that I find it so difficult to hug my parents. Even with them, it really makes me shudder to do so. I know I must come across as cold and distant. According to my mum I used to scream until I went purple in the face and try to wriggle out of her arms when she tried to cuddle me as a small child, and on a few occassions I bit her when she was holding me. She found this very depressing as she thought I did it because I didn't love her.

The worst thing is the light brushing touch, or unexpected touch from anyone be it friend or stranger. My boyfriend is under strict orders never to lightly touch my feet because that is where I hate it the most. The other thing I dislike is being cornered with no escape route - touch has to be on my terms and I have to be able to turn down the offer - for example once my boyfriend heard me come through the door after work and ran towards me down the narrow hallway with his arms outstretched for a cuddle. He was quite surprised that I ended up sat on the floor (the only way to escape was to drop downwards!) flapping my hands and yelling at him to move back.

So even though I am very cuddly with him, it still has to be my timing and circumstance that determine when and where I am happy to cuddle.

I'm not keen on physical contact, I also tend to misinterpret it as well. For example my dad always used to put his hand around my arm, I always thought he was checking the size of my muscles or something until only recently. I guess it's actually supposed to be a reassuring gesture, but it has the opposite effect.

I've never had any serious problems with touch, at least not recently. As a kid, however, I hated when adults (other than my parents and relatives) touched me. Being the intelligent aspie that I am, adults would always be charmed when I talked about "intellectual stuff". As a result, they would give me patronizing touches; I HATED that with a passion.

Recently, my attitude toward touch has been pretty normal and NT-like. I enjoy it when a cute girl touches me, especially if she's friendly. I have absolutely no problem with handshakes, and always give a firm, confident one when a situation requires it. In fact, one of my biggest pet peeves is a limp, "dead fish" handshake; it sends me a message that the other person would rather not meet me. I have a small problem with "handshake combined with a backslap" hugs, and avoid them if I can. I don't like it when guys touch me, unless it's an accident. But I'm guessing that any straight guy, aspie or NT, would feel this way.

One situation where I have a problem with touch is when it comes from an authority figure, such as a teacher, a professor, or a supervisor. Deep down, I know that it's simply a personal thing (some people are just touchy-feely) or a cultural thing (Europeans consider it less invasive than Americans), but I still feel unformfortable with it. In this case, it does not matter if the person is male or female.

No one can touch me, the ice is too thick. There's very very few people that I will allow to touch me and when I fight with people I kick them because I don't want to touch them with my hands.

I am the opposite of most aspies in this area...I need more touch than most people. They say a woman needs to be touched 10 times a day in order to be emotionally healthy...my requirement is more like 15-20 times, due to my hyposensitivity

*shivers*...hugs...almost always uncomfortable. Getting sick thinking about it. I can only deal with hugs (etc.) from cetain people. Family, duh. Really , I can deal with hugs from anybody once I get used to it. But some people, ohhhhhh.....NO!

I'm reminded of a girl in my church. She hugs me or squuzes my arm when scared. Being a large, comforting person I am, I've learned to deal with it. I still get freaked out by it, but I'll get over it. She's 4 years younger than me, but it's nice to know I can be comforting without even trying.

But then there's one of my cousins. Ever since she hit puberty, I've tryed my best to avoid hugging her. My family hugs goodbyes...every major holiday I have to avoid getting hugged because she...well...she's my cousin! It's just weird to have a female cousin...with...ack!! !! NOO!! !! NOT HUGGING YOU!! ! AHHH!! !! !!

Handshakes are a real problem with me. One thing I don't like about church. Funny, church is one of the few times/places I have to confront my paranoia of people and physical contact. Hmmmm....

I don't have any problems with hugging my cousins, female or male...

I guess I don't really equate hugging to be a sexual thing- especially if its upon greeting or departure!

But yeah, thats just me.

I have a strong emotional desire to touch and be touched, but a strong mental resistance. I only hug friends I don't see for quite some time, because I know that's what people do, and I enjoy the satisfaction of connection. I know they won't get angry or anything, so I allow my guard down for that. Friends that haven't touched me before, I do get awkward, but I try to enjoy the sensation. Doesn't always work, though. I remember when I graduated from high school, a girl I had a crush on (and asked out.... she said no) hugged me farewell. I still remember twitching when her head touched my shoulder, and again when her hair touched my ear. That was terrifying. I think I would rather had a gun in my face. I had similar reactions when other people hugged me that day, but they were more manageable. Difficult, but manageable.

On the bus, I am very aware of the space between me and the person next to me. I almost have to watch that gap, to see if it is going to close up. I do know that if there is no room, and their thighs brush mine, I get very uncomfortable, almost to the point of internal hysteria.

I wasn't aware touch was something to do with Asperger's! I thought that was normal to be a little edgy when someone touches you. Now I understand myself a bit better.

I think joining this site was the best decision I've made in the last 6 months .

I get nervous and unconformable when I am touched sometimes.

Contact is worst when people, mostly older relatives, touch ones head, after sixteen years of quite literally recoiling they would learn that I don't like it.

Maybe they misinterpret it. Perhaps they assume that it catches you off guard, but relax once the 'shock' settles.

I'd recommend that you let them know that it makes you uncomfortable. It's the only way they'll stop. I mean, if you can't read their cues, there is a good chance they can't read yours.