dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
02 Oct 2020, 6:40 pm
06 Oct 2020, 4:00 am
06 Oct 2020, 4:35 am
06 Oct 2020, 4:52 am
adromedanblackhole wrote:
How many true, legitimate friends do you have?
Including you?
Let me think about it.
I'll get back to you.
06 Oct 2020, 5:17 am
adromedanblackhole wrote:
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
I chose the 1-3 option. I consider my ex SO (we're now in the process of splitting up but stil living together) a close friend who understands me. Depending on how things go, it might not stay that way.
Beyond that, I do have one person I talk to sometimes, that I would call a friend, but he doesn't much understand me. We have some things in common and appreciate the occasional company of the other. I do not feel I can confide in him though, it's not that type of interaction we have. More like neither of us have anyone else so we occasionally pester the other for socialization. I don't know if he'd bother with me if he had someone else. I'm not sure.
Most of my socialization is with family members, mostly one daughter and my father.
Does my dog count? He's totes my bff.
Beyond that, I do have one person I talk to sometimes, that I would call a friend, but he doesn't much understand me. We have some things in common and appreciate the occasional company of the other. I do not feel I can confide in him though, it's not that type of interaction we have. More like neither of us have anyone else so we occasionally pester the other for socialization. I don't know if he'd bother with me if he had someone else. I'm not sure.
Most of my socialization is with family members, mostly one daughter and my father.
Does my dog count? He's totes my bff.
Dog is absolutely man's best friend and like a soulmate. Mine passed away it's going on 2 years ago and I will still get an image of her in my mind and a sharp pain in my chest and if I'm alone I will cry like a goddamn baby.
Ah dogs, they just live to accept you
Well, then I have at least 3.5 BFF.
The cat is the 0.5.
Do cats have friends, or just people they use?
06 Oct 2020, 5:21 am
adromedanblackhole wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Define "Friend".
30 Sep 2020, 4:12 pm
Gave my definition for what I consider to be a friend
I define a friend as someone who is willing to spend their spare time with you on a continual basis, not just at a random event.
I don't have to cry in front of them, btw.
This is an old definition of mine.
06 Oct 2020, 3:13 pm
Pepe wrote:
adromedanblackhole wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Define "Friend".
30 Sep 2020, 4:12 pm
Gave my definition for what I consider to be a friend
I define a friend as someone who is willing to spend their spare time with you on a continual basis, not just at a random event.
I don't have to cry in front of them, btw.
This is an old definition of mine.
People can feel obligated to spend their spare time with you without really giving a damn. You could be doing something they're interested in doing and they are only around because of the activity. It does not mean they actually care about you or are loyal to you in any way. Men usually are more reserved with their emotions.
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
06 Oct 2020, 6:19 pm
Ugh.. I can't do PHP anymore 
Anyway prev quote stating:
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
This is actually a really good idea. I never would have thought of that!! It just proves to myself that I totally have not one friend and probably never have. Thanks 
Me against the NT world 
06 Oct 2020, 6:29 pm
Danusaurus wrote:
Ugh.. I can't do PHP anymore
Anyway prev quote stating:
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
This is actually a really good idea. I never would have thought of that!! It just proves to myself that I totally have not one friend and probably never have. Thanks
Me against the NT world
Anyway prev quote stating:
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
This is actually a really good idea. I never would have thought of that!! It just proves to myself that I totally have not one friend and probably never have. Thanks
Me against the NT world
I'm not sure if it is a good criteria because it puts most people at 0 friends as well, most days myself included
I wrote that originally just on the heels of my discovering a person whom I had considered a good friend just showed her colors too many times. Too often she takes and asks for advice, seldom does she give. The times I've shared particularly painful stories with her, she's CHANGED THE SUBJECT WITHOUT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING what was said. And then turns the conversation around on me when I've called her out for what was just done about how I'm just such a judgmental person and other character assaults. She's done this before, the last time was just the last straw. Seems manipulative and emotionally abusive and I would just rather have no one in my life than a person I'm suspicious about.
If it makes you feel any better, most people consider activity buddies to be their friends. NT people included. Most NT friendships are very surface level, usually cutting and cruel behind each others' backs. Oh humanity, just why...
06 Oct 2020, 8:05 pm
adromedanblackhole wrote:
Danusaurus wrote:
Ugh.. I can't do PHP anymore
Anyway prev quote stating:
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
This is actually a really good idea. I never would have thought of that!! It just proves to myself that I totally have not one friend and probably never have. Thanks
Me against the NT world
Anyway prev quote stating:
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
This is actually a really good idea. I never would have thought of that!! It just proves to myself that I totally have not one friend and probably never have. Thanks
Me against the NT world
I'm not sure if it is a good criteria because it puts most people at 0 friends as well, most days myself included
I wrote that originally just on the heels of my discovering a person whom I had considered a good friend just showed her colors too many times. Too often she takes and asks for advice, seldom does she give. The times I've shared particularly painful stories with her, she's CHANGED THE SUBJECT WITHOUT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING what was said. And then turns the conversation around on me when I've called her out for what was just done about how I'm just such a judgmental person and other character assaults. She's done this before, the last time was just the last straw. Seems manipulative and emotionally abusive and I would just rather have no one in my life than a person I'm suspicious about.
If it makes you feel any better, most people consider activity buddies to be their friends. NT people included. Most NT friendships are very surface level, usually cutting and cruel behind each others' backs. Oh humanity, just why...
Story of my life, my own family seem to treat me that way so I am not even interested in friends. People hate on me just cause they feel it's their entitlement. So hence why it seems like a pretty damn good curriculum to follow. Everyone takes takes takes and unloads nothing but insults in return and still have expectations. .. why humanity indeed.
06 Oct 2020, 9:54 pm
Danusaurus wrote:
adromedanblackhole wrote:
Danusaurus wrote:
Ugh.. I can't do PHP anymore
Anyway prev quote stating:
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
This is actually a really good idea. I never would have thought of that!! It just proves to myself that I totally have not one friend and probably never have. Thanks
Me against the NT world
Anyway prev quote stating:
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
This is actually a really good idea. I never would have thought of that!! It just proves to myself that I totally have not one friend and probably never have. Thanks
Me against the NT world
I'm not sure if it is a good criteria because it puts most people at 0 friends as well, most days myself included
I wrote that originally just on the heels of my discovering a person whom I had considered a good friend just showed her colors too many times. Too often she takes and asks for advice, seldom does she give. The times I've shared particularly painful stories with her, she's CHANGED THE SUBJECT WITHOUT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING what was said. And then turns the conversation around on me when I've called her out for what was just done about how I'm just such a judgmental person and other character assaults. She's done this before, the last time was just the last straw. Seems manipulative and emotionally abusive and I would just rather have no one in my life than a person I'm suspicious about.
If it makes you feel any better, most people consider activity buddies to be their friends. NT people included. Most NT friendships are very surface level, usually cutting and cruel behind each others' backs. Oh humanity, just why...
Story of my life, my own family seem to treat me that way so I am not even interested in friends. People hate on me just cause they feel it's their entitlement. So hence why it seems like a pretty damn good curriculum to follow. Everyone takes takes takes and unloads nothing but insults in return and still have expectations. .. why humanity indeed.
I am sorry you can relate, but I hope it makes you feel better knowing you're not alone.
06 Oct 2020, 10:07 pm
adromedanblackhole wrote:
Pepe wrote:
adromedanblackhole wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Define "Friend".
30 Sep 2020, 4:12 pm
Gave my definition for what I consider to be a friend
I define a friend as someone who is willing to spend their spare time with you on a continual basis, not just at a random event.
I don't have to cry in front of them, btw.
This is an old definition of mine.
People can feel obligated to spend their spare time with you without really giving a damn. You could be doing something they're interested in doing and they are only around because of the activity. It does not mean they actually care about you or are loyal to you in any way. Men usually are more reserved with their emotions.
Mutual vulnerability is a good gauge for the level of trust established between two people - that's why it's my only criteria. If I don't trust the person enough to feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, they are just someone I know, not a friend.
I tend to focus more on mutual respect,
But that isn't the only criterion.
06 Oct 2020, 10:18 pm
08 Oct 2020, 3:48 pm
09 Oct 2020, 12:01 am
adromedanblackhole wrote:
Pepe wrote:
I tend to focus more on mutual respect,
But that isn't the only criterion.
But that isn't the only criterion.
Respect is important, but even so I've definitely been metaphorically shanked by "friends" who seemingly respected me. My general attitude towards people now is, keep in mind your existence to this person is completely irrelevant and given the opportunity they would likely harm you in some way if they believed it would benefit them in some way. Essentially no different than a wild animal. I'm reading what I wrote thinking wow sounds jaded, but I just mean it from a detached position of fact.
If you don't harm me,
I won't harm you.
Pact?
09 Oct 2020, 12:22 am
Pepe wrote:
adromedanblackhole wrote:
Pepe wrote:
I tend to focus more on mutual respect,
But that isn't the only criterion.
But that isn't the only criterion.
Respect is important, but even so I've definitely been metaphorically shanked by "friends" who seemingly respected me. My general attitude towards people now is, keep in mind your existence to this person is completely irrelevant and given the opportunity they would likely harm you in some way if they believed it would benefit them in some way. Essentially no different than a wild animal. I'm reading what I wrote thinking wow sounds jaded, but I just mean it from a detached position of fact.
If you don't harm me,
I won't harm you.
Pact?
Define "harm"
I want to know all terms of this pact before agreeing...
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