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Misunderstandings

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Jakki
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20 Oct 2020, 12:36 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Long before I was diagnosed with ASD, I knew that I was misunderstanding-prone. I would expect most autistic people to be misunderstanding-prone.

Years ago, one thing I decided was that I needed the people in my life to be people who understand and accept the fact that misunderstandings happen, and who are willing to take the time to resolve misunderstandings.

I cannot get along with people who believe that genuine misunderstandings are rare, and that most apparent misunderstandings are feigned for some nefarious purpose. Alas, there seem to be quite a few people whose life experience has led them to believe that.


Have recognized these circumstances in my own life . Especially when a little younger , but still even to this day .


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OkaySometimes
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25 Oct 2020, 6:39 am

It's constant. I can't even understand how what I'm saying could be difficult to understand, but it's either too long, or my vocab is "too much" or "too odd" or whatever, or they think I'm saying something hidden and emotional, or all of those things together. My emails are "too long and wordy" but I don't know how to reliably convey information without... ummm… conveying it. I mean, the information has to be present, right? When I assume "everybody knows this thing" they NEVER do, but when I explain it, it's "overly verbose and condescending." Yeah, YOU'RE the person who "didn't get it" the last 3 times, so now I'm telling you and it's condescending? How's that???
Put me down as one more who tries as hard as he can to avoid interacting with most of humanity. My wife finally gets it, she's a ST:TNG fan and I told her, years ago, to treat everything I say as though it was said by Data. Carefully chosen words to convey information, meaning nothing other than what they mean. It took some time, but she gets it now. Not sure how to tell anyone else that, and not likely they would believe it anyway. "What? A person who says what they mean and nothing else? No, that's not real."
The whole world is exhausting sometimes...



Jakki
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25 Oct 2020, 11:56 am

OkaySometimes wrote:
It's constant. I can't even understand how what I'm saying could be difficult to understand, but it's either too long, or my vocab is "too much" or "too odd" or whatever, or they think I'm saying something hidden and emotional, or all of those things together. My emails are "too long and wordy" but I don't know how to reliably convey information without... ummm… conveying it. I mean, the information has to be present, right? When I assume "everybody knows this thing" they NEVER do, but when I explain it, it's "overly verbose and condescending." Yeah, YOU'RE the person who "didn't get it" the last 3 times, so now I'm telling you and it's condescending? How's that???
Put me down as one more who tries as hard as he can to avoid interacting with most of humanity. My wife finally gets it, she's a ST:TNG fan and I told her, years ago, to treat everything I say as though it was said by Data. Carefully chosen words to convey information, meaning nothing other than what they mean. It took some time, but she gets it now. Not sure how to tell anyone else that, and not likely they would believe it anyway. "What? A person who says what they mean and nothing else? No, that's not real."
The whole world is exhausting sometimes...


This sounds familiar to me “who says what they mean and nothing else? No, that's not real."


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26 Oct 2020, 11:51 am

Most things I say that are longer than a couple of sentences are not taken how I intended. I apologize to anyone on this forum whom I may have offended.


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Jakki
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26 Oct 2020, 1:10 pm

Jakki wrote:
OkaySometimes wrote:
It's constant. I can't even understand how what I'm saying could be difficult to understand, but it's either too long, or my vocab is "too much" or "too odd" or whatever, or they think I'm saying something hidden and emotional, or all of those things together. My emails are "too long and wordy" but I don't know how to reliably convey information without... ummm… conveying it. I mean, the information has to be present, right? When I assume "everybody knows this thing" they NEVER do, but when I explain it, it's "overly verbose and condescending." Yeah, YOU'RE the person who "didn't get it" the last 3 times, so now I'm telling you and it's condescending? How's that???
Put me down as one more who tries as hard as he can to avoid interacting with most of humanity. My wife finally gets it, she's a ST:TNG fan and I told her, years ago, to treat everything I say as though it was said by Data. Carefully chosen words to convey information, meaning nothing other than what they mean. It took some time, but she gets it now. Not sure how to tell anyone else that, and not likely they would believe it anyway. "What? A person who says what they mean and nothing else? No, that's not real."
The whole world is exhausting sometimes...


This sounds familiar to me “who says what they mean and nothing else? No, that's not real."


What was I thinking ... many aspies are direct and say things in a more precise manner , I think .


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naturalplastic
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31 Oct 2020, 7:08 pm

Autistics have a tendency to sound like that are laying things between the lines when they are not. Like attacking the other person when they are not.

Sometimes it helps to step outside of yourself before you talk and try to see it from the other person's pov, so you can then put disclaimers around what you're saying.



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09 Nov 2020, 5:41 pm

Excellent 184 page book (LINK), 'Understanding Misunderstandings: A Practical Guide to More Successful Human Interaction.'

Book notes that clarifying perceived, or even actual misunderstandings can generate additional.........misunderstandings!

LINK: https://books.google.com/books/about/Un ... UNAQAAMAAJ



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09 Nov 2020, 8:06 pm

sunshineck wrote:
It is it common for people to misunderstand what you are trying to say or articulate?

I find myself in those sorts of situations often and it is hard for me to understand as to why. A lot of it seems subjective and purely emotionally based when people misinterpret me.


Yep.
My whole life is one big misunderstanding. :roll:



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09 Nov 2020, 8:10 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
sunshineck wrote:
It is it common for people to misunderstand what you are trying to say or articulate?

I find myself in those sorts of situations often and it is hard for me to understand as to why. A lot of it seems subjective and purely emotionally based when people misinterpret me.


Yes it happens to me a lot. I tend to speak quite literally and always try to use very clear language to avoid misunderstandings. Somehow people will assume my words have hidden meanings, when there are not :( .

Sometimes I struggle putting my feelings/thoughts into words so that might result in some of the misunderstandings. But in those instances I still have no motivation to speak in insinuations. I much prefer to say exactly what I'm thinking. It makes things easier.


Allistics are used to deception.
It is their "currency".
They project their dis-integrity onto others who may be compulsively honest.
Go figure. 8O



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09 Nov 2020, 8:13 pm



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09 Nov 2020, 8:28 pm

sunshineck wrote:
It is it common for people to misunderstand what you are trying to say or articulate? ...
Life would be much better if there were people in my life who understood what I mean the first time I say something instead of finally "getting it" after the nth time I say it.

With my wife, it is reasonable to expect that there will be misunderstandings, since English is not her first language.

But with other people -- who have allegedly grown up with English as their first language -- something as simple as "Press the red button" goes something like this...

Me: "Press the red button, please."
He: "Huh?"
Me: "Press the red button, please."
He: "The red button?"
Me: "Yes. Please press the red button."
He: "You want me to press it?"
Me: "Yes. Please press the red button."
He: "Why?"
Me: "Because I need it pressed while I monitor the power here."
He: "Why can't I watch the meter?"
Me: "Because I am already doing it, and you are standing over there."
He: "Well, what do you want me to do?"
Me: "Press the red button, please."
He: "This one?"
Me: "Yes. That one. Press it."
He: "Now?"
Me: "Yes. Now. Press the red button, please."
He: < Finally presses the red button. >
Me: "Thank you."
He: "Well, you don't have to cop an attitude about it!"
Me: :wall:



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09 Nov 2020, 8:38 pm

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOzzzzzzzzzz... excellent description . It seriously sounds like their intentionally being obtuse .

Must admit the being literal does necessarily cause officers of the law to be at ease . Or in Court .


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10 Nov 2020, 1:30 am

Fnord wrote:
sunshineck wrote:
It is it common for people to misunderstand what you are trying to say or articulate? ...
Life would be much better if there were people in my life who understood what I mean the first time I say something instead of finally "getting it" after the nth time I say it.

With my wife, it is reasonable to expect that there will be misunderstandings, since English is not her first language.

But with other people -- who have allegedly grown up with English as their first language -- something as simple as "Press the red button" goes something like this...

Me: "Press the red button, please."
He: "Huh?"
Me: "Press the red button, please."
He: "The red button?"
Me: "Yes. Please press the red button."
He: "You want me to press it?"
Me: "Yes. Please press the red button."
He: "Why?"
Me: "Because I need it pressed while I monitor the power here."
He: "Why can't I watch the meter?"
Me: "Because I am already doing it, and you are standing over there."
He: "Well, what do you want me to do?"
Me: "Press the red button, please."
He: "This one?"
Me: "Yes. That one. Press it."
He: "Now?"
Me: "Yes. Now. Press the red button, please."
He: < Finally presses the red button. >
Me: "Thank you."
He: "Well, you don't have to cop an attitude about it!"
Me: :wall:


I think someone pressed Fnord's button, red or otherwise. :mrgreen:



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10 Nov 2020, 1:56 pm

It is especially frustrating when other people keep interrupting you

"I don't understand, can you repeat yourself, I heard something about..." That's what sets up the meltdowns.