I'm so socially ret*d it's ridiculous...

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I think this may be it for most of us. Because we are so socially inept, we get overwelmed by all the social stuff we have to do all at once. For me, I can't have real life face-to-face conversations, and am very anti-social. It's a struggle for me.

When I get online, I can communicate well through typing and talking through my mic with my friends on my teamspeak server. I think, like mentioned above, this is because I'm not being overwelmed by all the other social stuff: the body language, facial expressions, etc. All I gotta do is type, or all I gotta do is speak. Don't me wrong, I am not perfectly normal when socializing online, but it is a hell of a lot easier for me.

I'm not giving people ID because they ask for it. I have money, they have beer. If I want to kill myself with the help of booze that becomes my problem and nothing to do with the spotty little ape behind the bar. I tend to drink more mature real ales whenever I can anyway.

Online is so much easier. Typing is better than 'live'. Gives time to double check, and triple check that I'm not offending someone (not foolproof though). Face to face is extremely difficult and I always end up saying the wrong thing or looking stupid. I'm friends with a neighbour who lives 2 doors away but we never speak in person, we e-mail about once or twice a week instead.

If you're dating a boyfriend, why do you have a man on your Avatar?

I think being boring is slowly becoming one of the cardinal social sins. We ought to tap in interesting topics to talk about on our PDAs so we never run out of interesting things to say before an evening's over.

I have a hard time figuring out how to be exciting to normal people too, but at least I have a PDA-phone. It looks like in order to be accepted in such casual encounters as these, I have to pre-plan mere casual conversations.

I hate running out of things to talk about and silence getting more deafening every second that passes without a spoken word.

Also there is something called a (Klingon word) Tova'Dok. Worf said there's no exact translation for it but the definition is, there are many things that aren't said. Something to do with reading "between the lines," eye contact, other body language that we may not think about but others may (mis)interpret. The non-verbal mistakes that we don't know we're making may be the reason why things don't turn out as they should in the end.

Be carefull not to be labled as "weird". I don't always know what would be considered as "weird"; it seems like everything I do is "weird". I once showed a collegue a book about hypnotism (fascinating, right? ) and she went and told everyone to keep an eye on me coz I might be a satanist.

Hate it when ppl use that word for something they don't understand

To the original poster:

Have you tried contacting /them/? I know for some weird reason, a lot of my friends don't contact me unless something comes up. Sometimes I wonder if they're mad at me, or I did something wrong, because they don't message me. I used to not message them because I was afraid I would annoy them. So, long times would pass between talking with certain friends.

The crazy thing is, they're often just as afraid of bothering you. Isn't that strange? Maybe it's just that most of my friends are ADD/ADHD and they don't think of contacting me, either, sometimes. I notice a lot of my friends are bad at making plans or indicating they want to go out. Some figure you'd know and ask them to go out if you wanted to.

I totally feel you man. I met (I swear) a goddess recently, and even she is an aspie.. We were talking for a while and now it seems like shes not so interested anymore.. Its like wtf.. What did I do??

I read OP - I am sorry. I do not think you did anything wrong at all! I am painfully shy and a 'social kindergartener' in some respects. I do ok in my own realm (the laboratory &/or my academic setting) but strangers are scary. I really feel badly since there is an innocence associated with autism - regardless of level of functioning. As if we are judged before even given a chance. NTs can be harsh and I am too sensitive. If this is ok, I pasted this excerpt below. The list is directly from the book indicated (thank you, Dr. Grandin and Mr. Barron)! I actually posted this quite some time ago, but it's relevant now. I added under each point (in bold print) my interpretation (after the arrow sign), but each point by these authors may mean something different to each of you. I have this list printed, lamenated, and posted on my closet door at my apartment. Hope this helps.




From Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships. By Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron:
For Autistics, By Autistics

Rules are not absolute. They are situation-based and people-based

→ For me, this is hard since there is seemingly no logical pattern to social interaction; that is, each interaction is unique.

Not everything is equally important in the grand scheme of things

→ There is a hierarchy.

Everyone in the world makes mistakes. It doesn't have to ruin your day

→ For me, I am conscientious - to a fault! I struggle with confidence so if I feel my performance is not optimal, I feel.....sick. Not only, ‘don't let it ruin your day,’ but don't let it ruin your life! Plus, being autistic, there are simply things I cannot 'fix' about my way of being. I need not apologize for this to anyone ever.

Honesty is different from diplomacy

→ I am honest to a fault. I do care about others (and have empathy) but I think it's important to note that many NTs do not care so much about the truth, but instead just 'saying the right answer.'

Being polite is appropriate in every situation

→ For me, this is straightforward; I am well-mannered. However, I am shy. I am told, others can misinterpret my shyness as being offish - not my intent.

Not everyone who is nice to me is my friend

→ This one is hard for me. Again, I am honest. I interpret literally. If one is kind to me, I simply cannot conceive another may have ulterior motives. But they sometimes do. ‘Nice people' are not necessarily good people (!) and may have no real substance to them, except perhaps their ability to be superficially charming, even manipulative.

People act differently in public than in private

→ I need to realize that one who behaves nicely in a given situation (such as in a profession capacity) may be a really different person in another situation. I believe, for a an autistic, this duality exhibited by NTs can be tough to recognize.

Know when you're turning people off

→ Yes, sometimes hard. NTs can give you a superficial smile, nod, etc. but be thinking something quite different! I cannot 'read' another.

'Fitting in' is often tied to looking and sounding like you fit in

→ I had considered this....maybe 'phony (?),' but I think the true message is to be cognizant of surroundings and expectations, then adapting appropriately.

People are responsible for their own behaviors

→ For me, this one is major. I take everything personally (if the 'offender' is one who is influential), so I invariably feel HURT when another is behaving badly! I need to remember; it's not my fault if another is being mean.

Maybe he's gay. It's probably impolite to speculate.