Why don't you like eye contact?

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I've never really put much thought into why I didnt like it, but I think this about sums it up. I can't think about anything else while I'm doing it which just makes it more painful, because I worry about saying something wrong or off.

Its almost like my vision skips over faces anyway, I know they are there but they just don't register. I always assumed the eye contact thing was an extension of that.

For a long time, i just didn't think about eye contact. I didn't make eye contact, because I didn't know you were supposed to. I was a freshman in High School when someone pointed out to me that I don't make eye contact. My first thought was sorta...eye contact? what's that?

For me it is just uncomfortable. I will attempt it for brief periods of time to be polite, but it revs up my anxiety..and yeah....sorta freezes me up....I almost feel like my eyes are involluntarilly drawn away from someone's face....

Social interractions are stressful enough without having to worry about eye contact.


I have made negative impressions on people because of it.

I was lucky enough to learn about the importance of eye contact in 4th grade, when the class learned about public speaking. Now, eye contact with a large group can make the most stable person a little nervous, so he gave us a bit of a trick to help with it. He told us to look over their heads at the wall behind them. Obviously it doesn't work on an individual level, because people can tell if you're staring at the wall, but a large enough group won't generally notice, as long as you're positioned slightly higher. Since then, I've always done this when I have to speak in front of a class, and I've always got great scores on my eye contact, even though I don't really make any (besides occasional glances to the corners of the room).

its a threatening jesture. but i think that just comes from being in the public school system

Last edited by richardbenson on 05 Dec 2007, 10:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mine eyes just tend to wander around while my mind is processing a conversation, which is usually difficult enough as it is without worrying about where my eyes are looking.

Good question. I think it's because eye contact feels kind of intimate to me. People who look at my eyes the whole time in a conversation make me feel threatened and extremely uncomfortable. There are a few people who don't do that though, but rather do the let-your-eyes-wander-around fleeting-eye-contact kind of thing. That's okay, because then I can let my eyes wander, too.

I'm seeing threatened a lot. I think that's a very good description. It's just too intimate for me.

To me, it's like an electric shock along the optic nerve and into the brain. I can make eye contact as long as I take tiny breaks by looking like I'm considering something that was said. I also look from one eye to the other.

Yes, my whole life I have avoided eye contact, my parents would get angry about it as a kid because they thought I was not listening. Its extremly uncomfortable, I do it as an adult sometimes when I feel I need to make that connection, but it does not feel right at all.

I feel threatened!

I feel like they can read my mind and i dont want them to see the kind of thoughts i have behind my eyes thats very personal. Eyes are the windows to the soul and i do get panicky when people insist on me looking into there eyes i cant focuss on what they say. Its either they can have a conversation or they can have panicky person trying to make eye contact it doesent work.

I just remembered something.

In kindergarten, my teacher got upset because I didn't sit up and watch her read during story time. I didn't realize that was important. I spent that time lying on my stomach, listening to the words and rocking side-to-side on the story time rug with my legs flailing behind me. I really enjoyed the stories, but she was sure I wasn't paying attention. So after she finished and everybody was busy doing something else, she would come interrupt me (breaking my focus and irritating me a little) to ask about the story, expecting me not to know what it was about. I would then begin to recant the story verbatum until she'd had enough of it and thought I was making fun of her.

I still don't get it. It couldn't have been difficult for her to realize that I was paying attention, even if i didn't seem like it. But apparently eye contact and thereby appearing to pay attention is more important than actually paying attention.

Ultimately, it was decided that I wasn't grown up enough for first grade, so I was put in some experimental transitional class, very appropriately called "transition". I suppose it was somewhat helpful, insofar as I don't remember being taught to read or add or such in kindergarten, and I do know those things were already expected of us by the time we entered first grade.

Anyway, that class doesn't exist anymore. I'm not sure what they do with children who need extra help. They probably just go back to kindergarten again, unless they have some diagnosed condition that warrants their placement in a special class.

To me it feels like I have to undress to talk to someone. I feel I'm left too vulnerable.

It just feels awkward, simple as that

It is just too distracting. I am an extreme visual thinker not a verbal one. I can multitask circles around anyone unless I have to talk. I have to focus 100% on every word that comes out of my mouth when talking is required. Having to add eye contact and body language to the mix breaks my concentration and causes me to mess up what I am saying.

I don't exactly know why I have trouble with eye-contact. I've gotten much better about it, or so I've been told, but I still feel very uncomfortable doing it.
Why would you focus on someone's eyes when there is so much more going on? People make such a big deal about eye-contact, but isn't it more important to listen anyway?

Until recently, I had to try very hard just to make myself look at someone's face, let alone their eyes. I feel much much more comfortable staring at the floor or glancing around the room.

I feel like i'm staring them down when they are trying to talk. I feel like I seem over-intrestested, creepy and invasive by intently staring at them while I'm talking. Whats the difference between eye contact and staring/gawking? Where is the line between the two? When should you look at someone's eyes? When you are the one talking? When they are talking? What if you are in a big group, then whose eyes do you look at? It's overwelming.

The question to me is why do NT people keep eye contact? All us aspies seem about on the same page about this topic, so wouldn't it be more intresting to hear some of the NT members explain why they like to keep eye contact?

The floor is open to all the NT people now; Why do you feel comfortable keeping eye-contact?

I have the opposite problem; I stare too much. But that's one of the listed issues with AS: either too little or too much.

I think I stare too much because I'm hyperaware, and it's probably a leftover trait of having to survive as a kid; I'm looking for hidden traps and deceit.

But if I'm trying really hard to think of something, then I have to look away. I really hate the "Billy the Kid" ad, 'cause the dude's eyes freak me out.

To me, it's a power struggle when two people look at each other; a question of wills and strength. So if I keep staring, then I'm openly saying that I'm not scared of them.

That, and I have that thing where it's hard to understand words; so I watch people's mouths to pick up on extra hints about what they're saying.