All my friends had a party and didn't invite me

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If my friends did it to me I would consider them true friends.

At least now, you know where they stand but you can't blame the whole group eh. Just the person who didn't invite you.

I see the whole group as vermin.

this

My best friend does this too. But it's because i'm not married. I'm a scummy single mother who doesn't like people or going out or anything. So she has BBQ's and such with her perfect family and all their 'perfect family' friends. And she calls me when she needs help or entertainment etc.

There are prejudices all around us. Even people who truly like us for who we are, will sometimes hurt us. Most of the time unintentionally, sometimes intentionally if we've upset them.

Unfortunately, NT's done see things the way we do. Things tend to be black and white with me, whereas my NT friends seem to see a whole range of greys where they can manipulate situations and people to give themselves the best outcome. They don't think about things as carefully as we do. It always irritates me when people say we are socially inept, when I think I give social situations a lot more thought and effort than other people do. I also try to include everyone.

I think ti's odd that you were excluded from a baby shower and I think if you know who the person was that purposely excluded you, then that's a good step up. I would do what you said...wait for them to contact you and go from there.

i hope you don't have to lose your friends over this.

Sarah

javajunkie80 - This is harsh. I'm not a parent, but I totally understand about others being exclusionary at your expense since you're not part of a couple. In reality, since you're a single mother (& not scummy!! !), you should be extra-supported by your 'friends' since you have further needs by being a single mother. I simply do not know WHY it would hurt them by inviting you! So what if you're single? Don't you still need friend's too? Answer: Yes, since you're mostly alone!

At least Aspies/Auties, from my perspective, lack that judgmental way of exclusion. Maybe their thoughtlessness doesn't occur to them? Who knows....still hurts.

If you show a negative reaction to this, misfit then all you'll do is validate the exclusion.

Well if it comes down to it, a lot of wives will exclude single mothers in the way that they'd exclude any unattached female (as a general policy).... simply because they regard them as a potential threat to their own marriages.

Who knows - if you'd been attached, maybe you'd have been invited ... in which case, your neuro-divergence may have nothing to do with it.

I guess it's easy for us as defined/labelled folk to see everything in neuro-divergent terms.
Take comfort from the fact that the probable reality is likely a great deal more complex.

What does that mean?

So, I am perceived as a threat? That would make sense from an anthropological perspective I suppose.

Misfit, I think what Pobodys_Nerfect means is that if you react in a bad way to your friends excluding you, then you're making them think that they've done the *right* thing by excluding you because you reacted in such as way. Does that make more sense?

Trust me, there's nothing theoretical about it - it's an everyday social reality.

Maybe your friends just assume you wouldn't want to go because it doesn't seem to them like something you'd enjoy. NTs love to make the decisions for you.

Well, the name misfit does provide a clue... Kidding!! ! Of course, it's normal to feel hurt under those circumstances. I would too. They probably thought this wouldn't be your thing, but still, it's nice to be asked. I would definitely confront the organizer and say "Dude, what gives? Why wasn't I invited? Am I the Elephant Man? A leper?"

Don't be shy about telling someone they hurt your feelings. It's more powerful an argument than yelling and screaming. If you say "You guys didn't even invite me, and that really hurt my feelings", this is very powerful because it is sincere.

If they don't get it, then fcuk them.

Michel - well said - very true - let people know you are 'upset' at what they say or do. i wish I had many years ago........

It means if you get angry or do something negative in response, they'll just say, "Whew! It was a good thing we didn't invite HER! What a nutcase!"

The best thing to do in this case is throw your own party, invite a bunch of other people, and then when you know enough people are coming, send invite to these "friends." Then let them see what a great hostess you are, have a great time, and make them want to spend more time with you in the future.

Sometimes the desire for attention prompts us to throw rocks at the bees nest just because we know it's going to get us the fastest response. But its not the response that we really want.

Social interaction, like everything else we learn in the second grade, is bestial and ruthless. You have to be the nicest, happiest, and most popular -already- in order to be popular. Oh, and you need to have the best toys and the nicest house and clothes as well. Otherwise, people will leave you starving for contact.

Sometimes it is good to learn how to feed yourself, eh? Then you don't need them.

or maybe you're the friend who-always-rejects-invitations? just a thought... or she was concerned you'd have a bad time..?

i don't know how the dynamics were with your friendship... but being the one who's always doing the asking and continually getting turned down is hard too it starts to become pointless inviting certain friends just so they won't feel excluded when you already know they're going to say 'no' or have expressed a dislike of group gatherings